Hi Alexxy,

Reading this, it could be me.  In fact I thought it was me, even down to the way you describe his ‘sneaky ways’.  What I have realised is it is going to take a long time to unravel, and I am still in the midst of it.  Something that helps is stepping back just for a small moment, consistently, each time he does something undesirable.  See his pattern.  Identify the triggers that keep you stuck to him.  For me, it was feeling that I was the only one who could help him, like you described.

What I realised, too late, was that I was one of MANY, many, girls who he confided in, who told that they were his reason for living, for being strong.  He has many girls he can transfer this need for support onto.  You are not the only one.  Seeing yourself as detached from it in this way helped me, and it is the only thing that finally did.  But it was hard because he is so convincing; I had to block his calls and actively avoid contact for a bit.  Just for a break.  Last week he called me seven times, when I was feeling good and stronger…I picked up because I thought something was wrong, but guess what, he only wanted to tell me about his new flame.  In retrospect, if something had been wrong he would have texted to explain and ask to speak.  I should not have picked up.

For me, when I went on holiday last year he cheated on me.  Somehow I felt guilty for having gone away without him and ‘abandoning’ him.  Each time I went away, he cheated, that very night.  Why I believed his remorseful excuses I do not know.  Be aware of patterns of behaviour.  Having seen this too many times now I believe that people, in the main (always exceptions), either do or do not cheat.  If something is wrong in the relationship and they want to leave it, they should not cheat.  They can talk, they can reason.  There is never an excuse for cheating.  They can tell you they want to cheat, that they are tempted, but when you are in a relationship, I believe that only fundamental cowards cheat.

It’s going to be hard, but these things are sent to test us and prove to ourselves that we can take this experience and bury it within ourselves, to strengthen us for the future.  This exact experience will never happen again, and we can move on and use these skills to survive future curve balls that life will surely throw at us.