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billParticipantI am glad if this stimulates people to think about how they can address issues that move them. Today I will attend a meetup of people from the Nature Conservancy. I hope I can recharge and get some ideas about things I can do. It has been very frustrating for me lately as a project was cancelled and I lost the income I was hoping for. It would be nice to do the things I care about as a career but maybe need to let go of that. Still, I need a better career than what I have because it just is not working.
billParticipantThe problem is that I am really still 25 or 30 in my heart. I still want to love. travel, create art. and YES, fight for the causes that I believe in. I spent the evening with a group of ocean conservationists and regretted not studying more biology because I was a straight A biology student in high school. Bottom line is I have been poor and struggling since the nonprofit closed at the beginning of the 2008 crisis and I dedicated so much to that to end up this impoverished. When I wrote this I was burned out. Nothing seemed to mean anything anymore. So I spent time looking at pictures of the Greek sea coast and the English countryside – couldn’t renounce it. Today there hundreds of young people sitting at sidewalk cafes in DC enjoying the Summer. I thought – to renounce this is like death – why do it? Life is continuously in bloom.
billParticipantI saw that a while back and it is good. I agree that you should ignore naysayers. But at the same time, to be able to follow a passion, it helps to be laid back enough to actually enjoy things. If everything becomes a driven struggle for success then the joy gets killed. People get so serious about their “passions” that they can’t feel passionate anymore because they are all uptight – (they being myself at times). I think the culture does emphasize serious striving to the point the the striving becomes pointless.
billParticipantI can relate to the idea of opening to the unexpected. Every day brings something a beauty if you are looking around. But I really am not comfortable with complete surrender to fate – “cast my fate to the wind” approach. I feel one of my reasons for being in the world is to help the earth and perhaps other social causes using my talents. I look around and I see that the earth is sick and it is the place we live.
To get certain things – a fulfilling career, better income and a mate won’t just happen. It requires consistent effort. Getting these things is no guarantee of well being as this site will make clear. But in our culture, you sort of have to go out and get these things or accept what gets handed to you which may not be very pretty. Of course you could deliberately seek an awful life experience as a way to develop mindfulness and gain enlightenment and progress many lifetimes just like that.billParticipantWow. That is a big deal. Do the two of you have agreement on other values? When we get involved with a person. ideally, we get an idea of what the two of us want in life. Having kids is a major issue. But it’s not the only one. If you have time, you can think about this. Ultimately, you got to go with your gut. Imagine your life in 20 or 30 years. Is this what you want. It might be a good idea to put this aside for a while and see how you feel about it in your gut. Also, I would look to see what are the things the two of you still share as goals. Find out what his goals are. If he changed this goal, did he change other goals. Take time to find out what you need and what he needs.
billParticipantDear Friend,
Let me see if I can help. I understand what feeling “damaged” feels like.
Let’s look at some other things first.
1. You are 18 and you could be alive another 70 years or longer. That is a long time. You could fall in love and you might have a family. You still have that to look forward to if it appeals to you.
2. This world really needs caring people. I am an environmentalist and I care about the future of the planet and its plants and animals. You could be of great help to people who are less fortunate. You could become a teacher or an artist or a scientist or any of many things. You could have more than one career. The best way to discover these things is just to keep experimenting and trying on new hobbies and jobs you think might appeal. Sometimes, when you push yourself, you will find you enjoy doing something because you did it well. At first is seemed horribly boring.3. Don’t think you cannot do these things. I have had problems similar to you and I finished graduate school. It is possible. You have more strength in your mind than you know.
4. I am not a doctor so I don’t know what physical challenges you may have but it sounds like you have a loving family so you should be able to benefit from psychological principles like gently pushing yourself to try things until you feel better about yourself and more excited about activities and people. Then something may click for you. Other people your age face the exact same hurdles and probably don’t worry as much about it.Sincerely,
BBbillParticipantI don’t know how to think of myself too well outside of my idea of myself as working for an idealistic type organization. For some reason, the excitement generated by thinking about certain kinds of jobs seems to focus me and I feel like I am not just applying for anything. It seems to help too since I get more interviews that way. I am not good at faking enthusiasm. But survival needs may force me to do it anyway. It’s just that you need a focus (or focuses) because there are so many options out here you can get lost.
The jobs I have done that were just for income have been pretty tedious and, recently, low paid. I was working two telemarketing jobs trying to make one income for a while. But I have also been able to pick up “paralegal” jobs in law firms because I knew how to review documents. But that market sort of died and is now taken up by Attorneys who need work
Then, there are my writing skills. I think I have pretty good ones but I have to really work on finding something that would use those skills since most of my experience is freelance writing. But that has some appeal.
My administrative skills are not that interesting for me too use but they pay well. I just don’t think this is what I am good at ultimately.
I think my intuition is telling me this. Find a way to keep a roof over my head a bit longer, keep trying to play to my natural passions by turning to ask myself what it is I need to do with my life, and try not to think about age.
Look, a passionate career or love live or deep involvement in anything (or things) meaningful is a anti-dote to feeling bad about getting old. Having passion and discipline must surely trump age anyway.
If someone said to me – ignore your age and go for it they might make me feel good. Some people think I am young when they meet me so maybe that is all that matters.
billParticipantThe best treatment for this is Cognitiv
e Behavioral therapy. They might try to have you gradually. rxpose yourself to these thoughts for a prolonged period and guess what? The anxiety peaks and goes away. Without the feat to drive them the thoughts also go away. Fighting the thoughts makes them worsebillParticipantNo one seems interested. Well, I am very desperate. I am on bad financial straits. I am having trouble findiing work that pays enough to keep aflout. I feel I am running out of lifetime.. Maybe it really is all over. I want and need an income of $700 a week to keep myself going while I try to pursue a dream and wotk on feeling better. Buy i feel like i am destine d to crash
billParticipantIt sounds like you have given of yourself. I would not spend. too much time thinking about God abandoning you. I am steuck by the fact that you put. up with it all so long. Your needs and time matter. A balance between self and other-orientation is important.
If I were you I would pamper myself. Let the child in you play and create and explore and before you know it your life purposes will appear and lead you back to joy. -
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