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BelindaParticipant
Dear Anita,
thank you so much for your kind reply! It feels great to hear that you also sense that this relationship is promising – I think so too!
About your reminder to be in the moment and enjoy time with him rather than planning too much: I have actually done this for the past weeks, and guess what? Now he is also where I am because he told me that he is no longer feeling rushed and won’t hold back anymore. He said he feels a lot for me already and just wants us to enjoy this, so he no longer wants to act overly cautious and hold back his feelings for me. With him I truly feel like I can be myself, and it still amazes me how close we got in only 2 months. Of course we still want to take the steps and really get to know each other (e.g. spending several months together or him spending the whole summer here with me), but now it is different. I no longer feel worried about this, but rather a feeling of being safe and appreciated by him. So the pressure is off now and this makes it so much better and easier to open up to each other.
I am very positive about this relationship and can’t wait to see him in 2.5 weeks!
BelindaParticipantI wanted to give you an update on how things went 🙂 One word: AMAZING! All the worries I had were gone by the time I picked him up at the airport, and the following 4 days together have been wonderful. It was only a few days, but we connected just like we both thought before we were meeting, and we had so much fun. He truly is an amazing man and got all the qualities that I always wished for in my “ultimate” man. We toured Venice and then drove back up to my place where we spent the remaining time together. I showed him my city and he loved it! Summarized, it was even better than we both anticipated and when he left, we were both sure that this just was the start to something rare and unique.
Fast-forward, three weeks later, I am set to visit him on April 23 and I will stay there for a week. We have been video chatting and texting every day and it has developed beautifully between us. He even wants us to go tour different areas around New York City because he wants to move somewhere outside of Manhattan and rent a bigger apartment. He said he wanted me to come over so we can spend extended time together to find out if we’re truly compatible for a life together. So the plan is that we will check out different areas to see where we both would like it. My job allows me to work remotely, so I could go visit him for 3 months at a time. He also is about to start a project that would allow him to spend the summer here in Austria with me, which would be amazing. We both are so in love with each other and I know that he must be the One for me. He is so mature and knows what he wants, but yet very reasonable and so loving and kind. I know this has been a whirlwind and it’s been only 2 months, but the way things are developing is just beautiful and we both just let it happen. We’re both not spring chicken anymore and know when we see something good, and he definitely is a good man. I have never been so happy in my life and feel as if finally I have met the man I am supposed to be with. What I love so much about him – among all his other beautiful traits – is that he initiates things and communicates with me like I haven’t experienced before with any man. He expresses his feelings to me, we talk about everything and he is also a great listener. What can I say..I am am blown away by his personality and am so grateful to God that He finally brought this man into my life.
Thank you again for your advice, I really am grateful that you were there when I was still confused about this 🙂 Thank God it turned out I was worrying for nothing!
BelindaParticipantThank you so much Anita and now I am smiling because of what you wrote?I am also very positive about this man, and excited to meet him. I will definitely post after his visit!
BelindaParticipantThank you Anita, Max and Inky for taking your time to respond, I appreciate each one of your replies and your input. Each one of you gave me a few valuable points to think about, and I will definitely listen to my instincts. Thank God, the situation has already smoothed out a lot:
I didn’t contact him all day yesterday, and then he texted me in the evening, asking if we could Skype, and I said Yes. We talked about everything, and contrary to what I was fearing, he was very nice and sweet, said to me that he hoped that he didn’t scare me with his request to take it a bit slower. He asked me how it made me feel and that he thinks he knows how I could have taken it, and that it probably confused me a bit. I said that while it did confuse me a little bit, I am fine because I appreciate him and would like to build something meaningful with him. So if he feels rushed, then I think we should find a pace that is comfortable for the both of us. The great thing about him and us is that we really communicate so well and there was not a single bit of a negative vibe during the whole conversation. I could sense that he is genuine with me and he explained to me what he meant when he said he wanted to take things a bit slower:
He said that all he meant was the fact that we should be more in the present and not plan so much ahead (which is something I honestly do a lot, because I am a planner and daydreamer;). He suggested to rather enjoy the moments with each other and really get to know each other without “setting” a fixed, expected result (e.g. us ending up being a couple, married, etc.) already. I admit that I have done that – even though I didn’t really think much about it until he brought it up – and I definitely need to stop planning so much and instead just enjoy what we have and experience right now. We talked almost two hours but after the first 20 minutes of clearing the air about the talking it slower thing, we already laughed with each other and talked about other things. So things are ok and this just showed me even more that he is a great guy worth taking the time to get to know him. He reiterated that he is serious in building something with me, and that he sees what an amazing woman I am and the potential of us. My intuition tells me that he is honest and genuine and not one of those who just want to string me along. So things are great 🙂
We talked a bit about the upcoming trip – he will get here this Saturday – and how excited he is to finally meet me. So am I, and I will work on those flaws of mine of planning too much ahead, which I understand could scare a man away. The great thing is that we were able to talk about both our fears with compassion and being honest with each other. He is 53 and I can definitely see how mature he is and that he wants the same things I do.
Thank you again for your advices, and I think I will post an update here after we met each other this weekend 🙂
BelindaParticipantDear sparkle00,
Once I read that you’re going through perimenopause, I thought “that’s exactly what I went through”. I am so very sorry that you are going through this, and I would like to try to give you some advice based on my own experience.
I am only 45 but postmenopausal for over 4 years now. When I started to notice something was not right with me, I was already going through perimenopause, but doctors just told me it was due to stress. Back then I was in a long-distance relationship and my paranoia caused by my messed up hormone levels almost caused it to break apart. I went through the same that you’re describing: worrying about your boyfriend cheating on you, being insecure about you being enough for him etc…….in my case it has gotten so bad that I ended up being severely depressed and when one doctor finally figured that I was in menopause at that very young age, I already needed antidepressants to help me (temporarily). I then moved on to taking St. John’s Wort and Black Cohosh, both natural remedies for anxiety and depression, and it did help to some extent. But eventually my hormone levels were so messed up that my doctor suggested to put me on HRT. Ever since I started (and I am now taking hormones for over 7 years) I felt like myself again. My paranoia subsided eventually and I became calmer and stopped seeing things where there were none (like my partner cheating on me etc.).
Now I am not a doctor, and maybe your case is totally different, but to me it looks like your hormones are messed up and that could be the reason you feel the way you do, and which makes you act like that. Find a doctor you trust and do a hormone level test. If the hormones are really out of whack, you may consider starting HRT or at least try it for a few months to see if/how it changes things. For me it was a blessing, because I was feeling so bad that it just wasn’t a good life anymore, being like that.
I wish you all the best and hope you figure this out before things go worse.
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