I can definitely relate to your career issues. I’ve been through the same thing and for me it was an issue of authenticity. I chose a career that didn’t fit who I really was and worked in it for more than 20 years before I realized I didn’t like the work itself and had chosen it for approval of others and the identity/status/money it offered. I realized that my extreme drive to “succeed” was based on getting the approval/identity/status/money I longed for, not passion for the work itself. I appeared to be a happy, passionate and successful person from the outside but inside there was always turmoil and unhappiness. What I thought was passion really wasn’t and by the time I finally made that distinction I was already far down the road of severe burnout and was forced to make a change because of health issues stemming from it.

Consider the possibility that you’re really not passionate about the type of work you are doing and that is what is contributing to your current struggles at work. If you find that to be the case, being a Manager might end up making things worse instead of better. I say this because it is the path I took. I always thought the next step up the ladder would lead to more happiness but it wasn’t the case for me. The further I moved up the ladder the more responsibility and accountability was placed on me and since I didn’t have passion for the work it became exhausting just making it through each day. It may be helpful to let go of the dream of being a manager for a while because I sense that thinking about it is using up a lot of your energy. Stay focused on the your current position/duties while you reevaluate your career and get in touch with your core values.

Some things I’ve learned on my journey:
– There is nothing that can make make someone passionate about a line of work if they don’t feel the passion naturally. No title, salary, or status will change that.
– If you’re in a demanding job that you’re not passionate about it will eventually catch up with you.
– If burnout or other health conditions are starting to become apparent, make changes sooner rather than later.
– Passion is the key to long term career satisfaction.

I hope this helps. Best of luck.