@Anita thanks for replying. The girl I like said it because of my ability to suppress emotions and remain calm and make rational choices during stressful situations. That particular day I was a Keyholder at work and we had a lot of call-offs and I was the only manager in the store (I take work seriously so I normally didn’t call-off), everything was really crazy because we didn’t have enough people to complete all the tasks. Due to the fact that I stayed calm and kept the store in order, she said “Nothing gets to Ash, he’s cool as a cucumber”.

@Nextsteps Thanks for the advice. I studied many different religions and cultures over the years, tried my luck with learning new languages and teaching English as well, it all helped for awhile but, I don’t know, it didn’t feel satisfying. For now all I’m doing is working, no hobbies or volunteering. I kind of lost interest. I really like photography so maybe I’ll take a class for that, but most are really expensive. Since I’m feeling apathetic it doesn’t really feel appealing right now. I noticed I’ve started drinking more too. I’m going to become like my crappy drunk friends soon. Ugh…

I met two other girls since I posted the above, but things didn’t work out. Not a disaster, just not compatible.

As for the original girl from the first post, we finally went out together again along with one other coworker. Instead of confronting her and talking about feelings and other things that could complicate things, I decided to instead just play it cool and try to have a good time. No awkwardness happened that night.

The three of us ended up going to the movies to see Black Panther together. Her friend said he saw the movie “Game Night” and suggested we see it, I asked her if she wanted to see it with me and she said yes, this time, just the two of us. The stage is set for some one on one conversation.

I’ll ask her about her Easter Weekend since it sounded like her family and church planned some big events around it, and try to ask her more questions about what’s going on in her personal life and her childhood upbringing. Dive deeper into meaningful personal questions. She also told me that she’s no longer talking to that other guy I mentioned before and things didn’t work out because “He didn’t text fast enough”. So she’s single again.

Lol, look at me failing at moving on. 😛

Lol, Anita giving me homework on the topic of love. Alright, I’ll make a list and try to work it in without forcing the topics.

Thanks for the advice Anita! Much deeper than what I found on Reddit and other internet places.

The only thing she said negative about me was that she thought I was a bit of a pushover. I explained to her that after I studied meditation through Hinduism and Buddhism and I became more docile and tried not to let my temper get the best of me, she seemed to accept that answer because I recently discovered she takes spirituality really seriously. She said I was “Cool as a cucumber” and didn’t let stress bother me lol.

We had a conversation about her not wanting to hang out all the time and based on her texting pattern she doesn’t want to text too often either. She wants her space and enjoys alone time. I can deal with that and I’ve learned to only text her once or twice a week. She gives little hints like that and I’ve been trying to catch on and adapt. For patience, I don’t think that’s a problem. Besides, it actually gives us something to talk about as we catch up.

It’s been a few months now and she is still the only one that really has my attention, so maybe I’ll just bring up in our next conversation that I would like to hang out more just to spend time together every once in awhile and see how things go. She really likes sports, so maybe I’ll ask if she wants to get tickets to a basketball game…

I’m not sure how to word it so that we can actually talk and move things forward though. She won’t call, she hates phone calls from everyone. Already tried it. :/

I hate trying to date and get to know people now. It’s all so complicated and the process of relearning and starting over has become tiresome. Most women say they like guys with confidence but its hard to stay that way when things are always so confusing.

I don’t know if I should be more aggressive and assertive, or if I need to back up and give her space to do her own thing as she figures out what she wants.  The way we talk in person is more comical and fun, but through text its serious and sometimes basic and boring. Sometimes its hard to tell if she just isn’t interested or really busy. Once I thought she wasn’t feeling the conversation, then she replied and said she was at an event at church and was helping someone navigate there.

I can’t tell if I’m overthinking it and she really is just busy, or if she is slowly flaking on me because she isn’t feeling me. When I try to ask she avoids the questions… this is weird because as I said above, she normally is really  blunt and doesn’t sugar coat things. It’s like she’s become afraid to just say what she wants to say? Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt me? It’s out of character for her…

Day to day it isn’t so bad because I can distract myself with work in the mornings, but on my free time I think about her a lot and now start to miss her since I can’t see her at work anymore. Normally that leads to me questioning if I should keep chasing her or try to move on.

I don’t think telling her that I miss her will make her want to hang out with me, it seems like a bad move…

But I suppose it is affecting me by bottling it all up, and that is what led me here because I feel like I’m becoming frustrated by all of it. I don’t really know what to do for my next move though, whatever it is I am forced to do it through text since I can’t see her in person right now.

As for how long its been affecting me, I think it all started when I sent her a new year moving into 2018, after she replied we slowly started texting again leading up to Valentines 2018, that’s when we really opened up to each other emotionally.

So, roughly the past 3  months?  We worked together for 9 months, but it will be a year of us talking at the start of April.

I’ll send her a text tomorrow afternoon and see if we can reschedule our get-together and hangout over the weekend.

Maybe I can get her to show up and we can talk in person. Spark a conversation to see if we can make it a regular thing and see how she responds…

Hello Anita! (and anyone else that replies)

I don’t really know how to bring it up to be honest…

I should explain that she works two jobs and goes to school, so she has a lot going on right now. I always liked her, but I thought she was out of my league so I kept my distance. She initiated things and invited me out as a group with our other coworkers. I got her phone number. I later invited her to the movies. She ditched. She invited me to see another movie to make up for it, we went. I told her I wanted to go to California, she said she wanted to go and we should go together. We planned a trip together for later this year but haven’t gone yet.

She invited me to dinner, the topic came up that I liked her, she said she didn’t like me that way. I said okay and left it alone.

I left her alone for a long time, then slowly we started texting more and things got deeper… At least, for me. That’s when I fell for her.

She isn’t one to dance around words or sugar coat things, she is like a sassy untamed lion, but she is also funny and kind. If she doesn’t like something or doesn’t want to do something she’ll let you know in the most blunt way possible. At least… that’s NORMALLY how she is.

As for her past relationships and family, we dove pretty deep into our past on valentines day and she told me about her last boyfriend. He had a pretty serious drug addiction, was a alcoholic, lied a lot, then cheated on her and got another woman pregnant. They were together for 2 years when she found out about the baby. She said they were really serious. She told me she had enough and that’s what led to the breakup. We literally talked all day. I was shocked she opened up the way she did. My previous relationship was a disaster and was similar to her own with the way it ended.

We started talking about work, I told her that I didn’t really like one of our coworkers that she was close friends with, but pretended to to keep the peace at work.

She said “OMG, I didn’t know! You probably don’t even like me!”
I replied “I told you that I like you.”
She went on to say that she didn’t think I was serious, but at least the elephant was addressed.
She told me “You can’t force love, it has to develop naturally over time. Don’t rush it.”

I agreed.

She neither confirmed nor denied if her feelings had since changed.

She has quite a few guys currently chasing her but keeps them at an equal distance or just cuts them off completely because she says they aren’t what she is looking for. One she was getting pretty close to, it made me panic…

Then she told me she was going to cut him off too because he was too immature and sent me a pic of their conversation. I asked her what she was looking for and she said “I don’t know yet, I’ll know it when I see it. But I’m not tied down to anyone so I’m currently single.” I thought she was hinting that she was still available and not moving forward with anyone else. Maybe I read it wrong?

But… I tried to move on anyways and unfriended her on Facebook. She texted and asked me why I unfriended her, I told her it was because we don’t talk as much. I told her that she was always making lame excuses to not hang out and bailing at the last minute, I then flat out asked if she just didn’t want to hang out.

She said “No, I really was just busy and had a lot going on. I’m just one person and sometimes I get tired and don’t feel like doing things. I think you’re overthinking it, its not that deep.”

That response confused me. If she thinks I’m overthinking it and she really is just busy, then do I just need to be patient because she has too much going on right now? Or…. do I leave her alone and go for someone that MAKES time for me?

What am I overthinking? lol.

To be honest, I didn’t think she would even notice I unfriended her because we had stopped talking for awhile and she said she didn’t like me that way. I never added her back, but we actually started talking more directly through text after Valentines. I since got another job so we don’t see each other as much in person, which is why I’ve been trying to schedule events so we can hang out.

Thus my confusion.  I think if we had met purely online I would have gave up on her… but working closely with her for several days over the course of 9 months allowed me to see another side of her.  We worked really well together and things were easy. She always makes everyone in the building laugh and often times I would walk into the room and she would burst into a big smile and say “We were just talking about you”, but would never say about what.

Half of my friends tell me I should leave her alone, the others say I should be more aggressive because I won’t find another girl quite like her. Internet says that I shouldn’t have to chase her this hard to win her over, that if it was meant to be she would make a move and things would be clear… but…

Almost everything that I have now that’s worth having I’ve had to fight for it… like, REALLY hard. Is love the same way?

As I said before, she is the first person I’ve felt this way about since my last breakup 2 years ago.

Now I’m stuck in the middle trying to figure out what to do. If I move on, I don’t have anyone else that is a current interest.

*Sigh*

I’ll try to talk to her again and see how things go, I just don’t know how to bring it up without corning her and forcing the topic.

Sorry for the long post… I don’t have too many people to talk to about this in real life. I guess I just needed a place to vent. :/