Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
BRUNOParticipant
Thank you for your reply-I would possibly want to distance myself just to ease the awkwardness a bit which might be avoiding the issue or running away from the situation entirely but at the same time I feel I have to walk on eggs around this person which is something not akin to my personality so its out of respect really.The last thing I want is to be in a place where I am not wanted.
having tried to end it before and reached a stage where we both agree on distance it seems desperate to try and initiate any contact which may be taken the wrong way, again over-thinking the situation but it is a dilemma.i suppose with what you say I would really just have to find a way to gain some proximity in a way which does not imply any kind of relationship and then just observe closely to try a get to a truth of some sorts so that by eliminating all the unknowns i seem to generate mentally by double guessing.
BRUNOParticipantThis person has some issues regarding the idealization of things and how things would be ideally- there is definitely an aspect of reality missing while he re-creates these Platonic situations.
How strong is your connection in real terms? is your eye contact meaningful?, because the eyes really say it all. Have you stated that you need to feel that you are number one in his life or that you feel left out?have you had any other interest in someone else or do you think that he feels he could not be meeting your expectations somehow?, since this may be a reaction to some feelings of inadequacy on his part?I say this because you might think he is comparing you to these pictures while in fact he might be doubting if you fully feel the same way and if not he will look for something to make him feel as if he is desired.
If you were not in a relationship I would say that this is a bit tricky but being in a relationship you should be able to feel completely honest and open and tell him so in a loving way- You may find that after your reassurance that he forgets these things.
the other question is are you really jealous of the pictures? if you ventured out a suggestion of another new girl in picture format and ask his opinion he might actually play along and begin to see you again.A lot of women do allow a certain freedom for the men in their lives to admire other women or state that they find these women to be beautiful-it could be a way of letting go.I would not try to compare my self to these women as after all they are only pictures while you are real, he has no means of being with them and you should remind him of that in a loving way.I hope it helps somehow
BRUNOParticipantI don’t know your character very well or his but I do know that some guys prefer the truth straight up without sugar coating.Chances are he has already read the signs and might just need a little bit more clarity.
You need to convince yourself and him and be firm that it is for the best and that should probably be your opening line.No one likes to be in a relationship for the sake of it and hints and other subtleties sometimes get absorbed by both your and his good will, which is probably why you are having so much trouble to begin with.If you are concerned about possessions make a plan which includes a deadline by which you will leave or a plan to help with payments up to a certain date to carry yourself/himself over.Don’t let the details stand in your way if you are so inclined and that will be understood, that by taking greater lengths to end things , that you are 100% positive about it.
As for your reasoning there might not need to be a reason save to say that you are not fulfilled and that you seek greater fulfillment by leaving the relationship even if it is to be alone.this is what seems apparent in any case.
BRUNOParticipantYou are very brave for describing all this detailI am sure you are a very caring and warm person which is why you are on the receiving end of this kind of emotional abuse t-It is clear this man is emotionally distant and that he does not feel your presence at all.It is also clear that by your good nature you have already gone further than you should in this relationship and that at the first sign of violence , you should have sought professional help.
Clearly this is a form of emotional blackmail and you must not give in under any circumstance.You sound like a very mature person so i would advise you to have the courage to walk away clean and clear- he may very well love you as possessiveness which this seem to be and jealousy do accompany real love sometimes in a very unhealthy way.Walk away and be happy.This person can never reciprocate you and only until you realise that will you be free.You have started on a good path by enumerating all of the negative things about him and your relationship which are both very toxic-If a person lies to you once, what else can you believe about them?.Next build upon all the positive things about yourself which have been eroded by having any contact with this person.You will slowly begin to see the light.
When you reach the end it may anger you too ,avoid revenge and petty jealousy as this means for yourself that you have still not washed your system clean.It is very sad and tragic but you have to weigh out your personal happiness versus the happiness in a relation ship.Dont try to end it ten times, end it once and for all
I hope this helps
BRUNOParticipanti think some of these support groups help you to wallow in your misery when as it seems to me you are trying to make a clean break with that cycle also your dependancy issues are not related ti substance or other abuse as i can tellWhat you need to work on is just your frame of mind -if you are desperate not to contact someone, replace that void with a self reinforcing thought that you have no need to contact your ex, then your desperation will vanish and half of the pain with it too
BRUNOParticipantWhat do you mean by co-dependency first of all? is it human or material?where withdrawal is involved sometimes it is the answer as well as the problem: a void has been created which, apparently, needs to be filled or a suitable replacement found.What needs to be attended to immediately is the feeling of neediness since it is not for certain that the fill or replacement will serve in the same capacity as the loss.substituting the feeling of need with a correct countermeasure(this will depend on what has been lost and which you in rational terms must ennumerate and accept) will both ease the pain felt as well as recondition the mind and soul for the change which has already been affected and which both need to adapt to.
In the case of a break-up it is difficult to check what has been lost if a full disclosure between yourselves has not been made, this is part of the loss which must be accepted first or you will enter a spiral of what is known as rumination, the attempt to digest past occurrences by repetitive analysis of the events which transpired,from experience Rumination can only lead to a more painful withdrawal and a loss of consciousness of your current situation.In some cases it can lead to self harm which can take place in may forms.
try also to gain a perspective of what was gained before the break up to asses what your future needs may be in light of this circumstance, hope this helps
-
AuthorPosts