There is no need to compare yourself to anything or anyone.the measure of success is not happiness or wealth health and the like.Blessings can be found everywhere.What we all seek is fulfillment.Some find it some are brought to it-No one can tell another what that means for himself or herself.

Some of the world’s poorest are some of the most fulfilled in Spirit because they desire nothing which seems a complete paradox and does not excuse that those more fortunate are exempt from helping them lead a better quality of life.Look at Mother Teresa- Re-evaluate your expectations, your concept of failure might only be a wrong direction taken.I have a career too- it does not mean that attaining the highest honor is my expectation.I learned a very useful Zen philosophy;We do not need to be concerned about the order of things while we peel the potatoes, all we have to do is peel the potatoes.We are all pilgrims in a sense- It may be a blessing for you not to have attained such a status as you will become aware of things that status can make you blind towards.

By the analogy, it is meant that we do not concern ourselves with the hows or the whys , by letting them be we become fulfilled in ourselves naturally.

true..if you feel you have done something to bring things to where they are , express your regret somehow, maybe that’s all that ‘s need for the other part to re- evaluate and see what is the right thing to do for both of you- there is a fair amount of love and”hate to begin with-it may be just the fact that both of you recognizing best and worst traits , maybe he just “hates” a part of you or just “hates himself” for still liking you in spite of it .If you do so regardless of whether you stay in a relationship or not you will feel much better about it.

Depression is a tricky thing and you never know what emotions are running high in the background despite the apparent sense of dread and gloom.Most people would react well to your suggestion but be careful if the general depressed note is mixed with any bitter feeling or resentment of any kind even if it’s not directed towards you-Right now I am in a similar situation almost- you can’t expect anyone to enjoy things who at the same time is experiencing a foreboding sensation about life in general; it’s like mixing a stimulant and a depressant in medical terms and the root problem will not disappear- Also making him compare his situation with other” happy ones” may not produce the desired result i would advise you not to force the issue- it might compound matters.Don’t mix compassion with pity!

Perhaps simply letting this person know that he is in your thoughts in a positive way or sharing a joke will help.Relationship issues tend to really bring people down if they are caring enough since there is a lot of blaming feeling bad and mixed feelings in general- matters are often misconstrued leaving one with a sense of helplessness or of not really comprehending all that might have transpired up to even totally misreading the other’s words and intentions- in short it can be very volatile.Some people just dissociate at this stage and become numb to the sensory overload and of everyone telling him what he should and should not be doing-this is often aspirin as a cure for cancer-it doesn’t’ stop the spread; that could be the reason why he just can’t bring himself to talk to anyone- he might not be broken at all except everyone thinks that he needs to be ” fixed”

I have an ex gf who moved on and got married despite some intention to have a long distance relationship that could have bloomed into something else-I was depressed at the time as well and i just could not cope with the intensity of all the mixed emotions and I had to break it off. We still keep in touch owing to the fact that she is just so caring.That’s something i can really appreciate and maybe your friend will as well.

I agree with you The Ruminant- perhaps the person is only endeavoring to make an effort in the workplace , work with him and not against him if you can be humble enough.is Anyone envious at all?

face it…you like him

Dear Christie

sometimes it ‘s more painful to be in a relationship than to not be in it.I would be dubious about the revenge aspect; what for, if for three years he accepted you as nothing more than a friend? A three year crush is pretty hard to imagine and if he still befriended you after those thre years it would seem clear he does really have feelings for you , perhaps more than you know.as far as I am concerned if a person cuts you out of their life it’s more out of sadness than wanting to get back at you- if he wanted that he would have found someone else to flirt with in front of you or try to make you jealous in some way.How many relationships has he had before anyway? before you?

In so much as not meeting expectations quite possibly he is not up to the task but perhaps being with you in the end made him feel like as second choice, perhaps he saw you happier with someone else, your previous relationship and was not prepared to feel like at any moment it could end again, perhaps he was just saving himself from some hurt, obviously his decision was not whimsical but he had reflected upon it until he was ready to act, even if that meant losing you as a friend as well, clearly you cannot be both it seems

I have been in one it’s over before anything began thing and it’s a horrible cycle-i am almost desperately trying to avoid a second one because the last one really left me worse for wear.

Sometimes it’s hard to guess true intentions and with the doubt and anxiety an element of tug of war come in to place which can literally tear one one apart inside.it is the most awful thing I have encountered on my life and leads to an effect of being in a divorce type scenario without having been married so to speak!.I imagine even for anyone with truly good intentions this may come into play.

I have realized that by getting on the defensive too soon the whole relationship can be sabotaged even if it may only be one that ends in a good firendship. Note that in any relationship it is said that you can never be just friends and that love often results from these initial tussles as one one realises the hurt they cause the other and resolve not to do anything which causes the other pain.Because of each individuals baggage the triggers for these events may be diverse and only come out when one strikes a nerve in the other- it is a painful matter sometimes deeply.

this time round I have resolved to keep everything to the maximum what is best for the other rule even though Im not even sure if at this stage there is nothing left to “salvage” or if continued efforts are ill advised.

Sometimes there is nothing that can be done despite a seemingly good bond or attraction and suffering cannot be avoided by either.The only thing one can do is remember what caused any division and resolve not to repeat it for the sake of the other, always keep the maximum respect for the other as wel all have our failings and these make us who we are in part , Apologise if you feel something you did was not right even if it might not have caused any damage and never ever treat the matter as it were a game.if there is to be any intimacy then also what transpires between the two of you should remain there or kept to only one or two confidants- this can prevent the spiral effect by having too many cooks spoil the broth.

if yu have written here then it is also safe to assume that your opposite might be going through the same or worse!

My only real advice is to limit the amount that reason or rationale plays since there is no real logic behind attraction only magic.If there is no magic there is nothing but if you like him, continue doing just that , liking him for what you like him for even if its from a distance since liking is an action and is something which will give you joy no matter where the relationship leads .this is where the magic actually is brought out.Anything else and your liking is just a desire for him to react in a way which suits you and has nothing to do with him as a real person.Your anxiety is probably hinging on this and might actually be driving a wedge in between you the more you try not to

its not much help but for what its worth to you I hope it serves