Molly, just do you for now. You have a long life ahead of you, you two may or may not cross paths again, you two may or may not find love in each other again, anything is possible.

However, you close many doors if you don’t take this time to work on you. Be the best you can be, the answer to you question is yes it is possible, now leave that behind and focus on your life. If it is meant to be then you two may see each other again.

Hi Molly,

I understand where you are coming from, especially when you feel like you have been wronging by the other. My ex broke up with me back in September and I too was very hurt and angry. This cocktail of emotions will subside in time, be sure of that. However, you CAN speed it up and get on with your life.

Here is the way that I looked at it and how I dealt with my own break up, perhaps this can help you:

After finding myself single after almost four years, I had a lot of time on my hands and a lot of resources freed up to use for myself and bettering myself. In fact, only after the break up did I finally start searching for what I would like to do in my life career-wise. I spent and continue to spend a lot of my time working on myself and my goals.

Molly, try writing your feelings down in a word document, just like you did here, every week, and see how they change and progress. When I look back at what I wrote its incredible to see how far I have come since then, and you will too. Do you have a career that you would like to start? Do you have physical fitness goals that you have been ignoring since you were in a relationship?

All in all, this break up Molly, is a blessing to you.

You must not think of this as a “problem”, a “rut” or anything negative that puts you down. In fact, the truth is only this: This event and the subsequent situation that you are in right now is an OPPORTUNITY. That’s right, this is the universe kicking you in the butt a little and giving you a chance to move on to the bigger and better things in life that you must accomplish.

The reason I say this is because its so hard for people to change, to become better and better. Thus I see only two ways people will change:

1. They actually consciously decide to (this is ridiculously hard and rare) or 2. Something happens, an even or situation, that makes it NECESSARY for you to change and grow.

This necessity will drive you Molly, you are feeling down right now, you have a NEED, that need is to be happy and prosperous. That is why I say that you have an opportunity here.

As far as techniques go: please look up on “affirmations” and begin them and repeat them daily whenever possible. Also, I don’t care if the only running you do is for the bus: I advise that you start (if you don’t already) some physical activity and stick to it. This will make you feel fantastic and in no time your vitality will increase from the gains you have made physically.

Also, I like to read books (well, I do now that I am single hahaha), I’d like to suggest some great self-help ones: Think and Grow Rich, How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Luck Factor (this is an audiobook series, and take away what you want from it as some things I do not agree with but the overall statements are solid).

So Molly, enrich your life and start working on yourself! This is an opportunity, it is huge and it is at your feet, do not let it slip!
I like to say this: if you are comfortable, then you are missing out on opportunities, you may have been very comfortable in your relationship, and that comfort can be dangerous because we lose the will to step boldly into the unknown and achieve more.

Also, check out Eric Thomas, he is a phenomenal motivational speaker and he speaks the truth, and I know things are easier said than done, but you can do it!

Please keep us updated on your status over the coming weeks and months. There is so much you can learn and achieve, now is the time to do it!

Sincerely,

Singh

• This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by SIngh.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by SIngh.

career changes aren’t as crazy as they sound these days and they are very common. That being said, what ever you decide to do, I am certain that your science background will come into play at some point, you may not see it now, but it sure will. Heres my brief story on this whole change in passion thing: I graduated in my BSc, jumped right into a year long Accounting program to become a CPA, and am now pursuing my dream of becoming a police officer, which I know I will get. That being said, I am certainly going to finish what is left of my accounting diploma because it will be valuable to me when I am being considered for promotion in my police career. Finish your masters, whilst finding what makes you happy and pursuing it.

Your science expertise going into arts will show that you are very educated and thus reputable, and also very well rounded, no, I am not calling you fat! I mean well rounded in terms of experience in different fields of study.

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by SIngh.

Hey Steve,

I am not sure what happened in the relationship part that you mentioned above but I am assuming that the two of you broke up and it is hurting you right now.

So I will give you my two-cents on this. I went through a break up over two months ago with a girl I was with for almost four years. It hurt me too, all of it. However, long story short: had I remained in that relationship, I would NOT be where I am now.

Where I am now: self-dependent, working towards my dream-career of becoming a police officer, making new friends and overall loving my life and what is to come. I became dependent on my last relationship, I became comfortable and thus I never worked hard for what I really want in life. It is something that happens to the best of us.

What I did to overcome my grief of that break up was the following:

First and foremost, I realized that I was being held back all this time, I realized that I can be so much more and now that I am free, I can work towards my dreams.

I revamped my gym routine, I now go almost everyday and I go hard, I have also begun running a lot, which is preparing me for the police physical test but also making me healthier and livelier than I have ever been in my life.

I am volunteering on the eastside, whilst meeting like-minded people along the way whom I have made friends with, some who I now run with too.

I wrote down all my goals and I read them twice everyday and I also plan out how I will achieve these goals. Try writing out right now 10 goals which you would like to achieve in the next 12 months (12 months will go by super fast).

I created and constantly repeat affirmations (look up affirmations, these are extremely powerful tools for anybody, and you should use them too). Simply saying “im the best” to yourself and repeating it will work wonders for you, believe me, because you are.

I joined this forum and shared my thoughts with others.

I started to read books such as “how to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie . I highly recommend this book for everybody, its a very genuine and fact-based book.

I also listen to Brian Tracy’s audiobook “the luck factor” and that is also pretty awesome, you can easily find the torrent for free.

all in all, these steps have changed me and I now have a very positive vibe around me. and you know what? That positive vibe just attracts more positive events in my life everyday.

So Steve, this is all in your head man, conquer your mind, and all else will fall into place. Search for what you really want, you may desire a career change, that is ok, work towards it. DO go to the gym and get ripped, it will be super fun and rewarding, not to mention the high you get after working out. Spend time with family and friends, and perhaps volunteer too. Listen to great motivational speakers, you can just youtube this kind of stuff and get it on your phone.

Once you get back on your feet and start loving yourself (which I know you will), you’ll become a better man than you ever thought possible and great things will come your way, the world can sense when people are positive and happy with themselves, it can also sense those who are negative. Be positive, your mind may refute the idea of positivity at first, but as long as you are persistent with affirmations and all the other cool thing you will do, it will no choice but to give in and accept that you are a happy and lively young man.

This is your opportunity for greatness, I realized mine and I took it and I am on the high road, now its your turn, seize this time to better yourself and find out what you want in life, and be specific. It will all come to you if you work at it.

Cheers,

Singh

I’m doing well man, in fact, better than ever. My break up has brought me more focus and passion than I have ever had in my life. Both my parents and friends have told me how much better I seem now that I am single. I am focusing my time on finishing my school and training for the physical test in my city to become a police officer, even thinking about it gets me excited every day!

I know that I would not have grown and trained enough to pursue this career had I still been in that old relationship so I am now seeing this break as a blessing.

That is awesome that you are taking the time to serve others. Truly, it does more to serve you than it does to others, as you feel good about it and you feel enriched in the process, no need to explain it man, I know the feeling too, and its great 🙂 .

I’m glad to hear that you are meeting with your ex, I am sure that you are doing feels best right now, but please take care and guard your heart man, its so easy to fall back into comfort. Continue to work on yourself and improve all aspects of your life, I’m glad that you’re doing well. When you become the best that you can be, you’ll find that the great things in the world come to you, as opposed as you chasing them!

Great to hear from you,

Singh

Hey Howard,

Its been a while man, how are you doing these days? Give us an update!

Brother, let me just clarify some things here for you that you just said. #1: The only time (and I’m actually serious here, honest) that you will be a disappointment here or anywhere is IF you give up on life. I am not sure where you are getting the idea that you are a disappointment because you are alive and breathing. You’ve been fighting and fighting. The thing is, you can’t see the end of the tunnel yet, you’re fighting but you have no idea when you’ll strike your moment. No one does, and often people give up moments away from hitting the “prize”. Just because you can’t see a solution yet does not warrant your failure nor does it mean that you should give up.

If you want to ruin the lives of your family, friend, all loved ones, then all you have to do is give up on life. Think about who’s lives are also going to end if you did that, honestly. think about it. If I gave up on my life right now, I tell you, there would be two other deaths in my family: my mother and my father.

keep posting here whenever and however often you like. You could be steps away from a breakthrough, but you’ll NEVER know if you give up now. If you can’t make yourself smile at this moment, then take that moment and make others smile.

you’d rather be dead than average? snap out of it man. do the things you need to do to get out of this, it will take time. Patience is the key. Nothing will happen in a day. And you know what? when you get through this, you’ll be miles higher than “average”.

“I am beyond helping” is proof that it is all in your mind. All of us on the outside, we know that you can get through this. But you are telling yourself that you can’t. When you tell yourself things, then you begin to believe them, seriously. You have got to flush them out of your mind and tell yourselfthat you can get through this. when you say these things then you hear them, and when you hear them then you believe them. When you believe that you can get out of this, then rest assured that you will my friend. This fight is in your mind sir, as it always has been, and always is with all adversity.

Cheer up, I wish i had a dog! What kind of dog do you have by the way?

Please do reply, it makes my day hearing back from posts on this site. So if you’d like to make me smile at least, then do reply 🙂