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Jeff

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Viewing 8 posts - 16 through 23 (of 23 total)
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  • July 3, 2017 at 9:05 am in reply to: Different Relationship #156154
    Jeff
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply Dawn and Craig.

    Craig I am close to feeling this relationship is taking a terrible toll on my physically and emotionally. On our trip I almost called it off. My counselor feels there is a need not being met. Not sure what it is but I will continue to find it. I also now that there was the same feeling in my marriage.

    Dawn, not sure what to say. That was eloquent and brought a tear to my eyes. It told me what I should know already. Having moved and being mid forties and somewhat shy making friends has always been difficult. During my last counseling session he asked me to give him 5 good things about myself. I went 5 silent minutes. Terrible I know. In regards to kids they 10 & 14. We do have contact whenever with texting and FaceTime.

    I need to work on myself just not sure where to start. I’ve joined a gym and remained a runner. I have started cooking better and more healthy. Of course I did find a colleague and we had Wednesday night to golf and talk, but a medical issue has come up and will he will be out for a month or more.

    Nothing seems to be “full” or permanent at this time. My daughters are part time and girlfriend is part time.

    July 3, 2017 at 7:55 am in reply to: On a difficult point of life..pls advise.. #156142
    Jeff
    Participant

    I would be very careful about having someone in your life who is “abusive”. I’m not saying they cannot change, but that is usually the exception to the rule in my own experience.

    Sometimes it does take an outside source (friends and family) to advice or show you the “problems”.

    July 3, 2017 at 7:31 am in reply to: On a difficult point of life..pls advise.. #156136
    Jeff
    Participant

    How long have you been together? Abusing what? Drugs, alcohol etc.? Before jumping I would like to see him kick the bad habits first. See if he can change those habits.

    What in society will “we” not accept?

    Also, having been divorced, there others in the world that will accept and love you. I say that so you don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

    March 12, 2017 at 1:21 pm in reply to: "Taking a break" of sortsSo im #139075
    Jeff
    Participant

    Anita

    I have met her parents 3 times. But it seems like it is her extended family is what she is worried about. I get along well with her parents and I’m not sure why the family that lives out of state is a problem. She also stated that she doesn’t mind if I meet her ex and his family so it is just a weird situation. I will not pound away at it, but will be asking as the event gets closer.

    When we first got together the religion aspect didn’t bother her and as I stated I did meet her family. I haven’t met her brother yet and he will be there. Maybe that’s it?

    I am going to try and deal with the “reset” and hopefully things can improve.

    March 11, 2017 at 1:48 pm in reply to: "Taking a break" of sortsSo im #139023
    Jeff
    Participant

    Anita

    I am still struggling with the fact that I will not be going to the event. But I am not that particular religion and it seems that the fact I am not going has alleviated some pressure. I wish she would reconsider but at this time I am going with her decision and trying to move on.

    Now I have a lot of time to fill up. Here’s to hoping this works out.

    Thanks Anita

    March 11, 2017 at 12:12 pm in reply to: "Taking a break" of sortsSo im #139003
    Jeff
    Participant

    Anita

    We had a good discussion. She is extremely stressed by this upcoming event. We went out for dinner last night and I went home afterward. She said she completely appreciated that as she could sleep, talk to her brother and clean up a bit all this morning. She doesn’t feel she could do that with me there.

    She wants to stay together, but at this time in our relationship she has priorities that may not involve me. I understand that and can appreciate it.

    So at this point I have told her how I feel and there is nothing more I can do. As I left her home, as she had a prior engagement, we embraced and kissed. I’m not saying everything is perfect, but nothing in life ever is. Relationships are messy and sometimes you have to swallow your pride for the overall good.

    Jeff

    March 11, 2017 at 8:34 am in reply to: "Taking a break" of sortsSo im #138989
    Jeff
    Participant

    Anita

    We are going out for coffee in a bit. So I will post back later. I do know that one her comments last night was the dreaded “it’s not you it’s me”. I’m cautiously optimistic, because I truly enjoy this woman being in my life.

    Jeff

    March 11, 2017 at 7:57 am in reply to: "Taking a break" of sortsSo im #138985
    Jeff
    Participant

    Anita

    Thanks for posting. In my marriage there were plenty of arguments and lots of anger. Since I saw the destruction of my marriage I have learned to control that part of my personality. My close friends have noticed and commented that I have changed for the better and they don’t feel that I am about to go off the handle at any moment. I have accepted that things needed to change.

    In regards to my current relationship I think that she is referring to my wanting to do things all the time. I don’t like sitting still and I enjoy getting out and going places. My girlfriend is most definitely an introvert and does like to stay home at times. She also has a hectic schedule, which I often forget. So I feel that is what she meant. She hasn’t seen the anger side of things.

    This relationship I have put in the time to listen, compliment and respect my girlfriend. It is just another change that I am willing to do for her if she’ll have me.

    Jeff

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