Anita

What I probably meant back when I wrote that was I wasn’t allowed as a child to make many mistakes. Parents were not overly strict, but expected success. An example was that my grades growing up were paid a certain amount for A,B and C’s. The catch was that the only way to get paid was all A’s.

We have my loneliness as a kid. The prevailing thought is that I have never fit in in any specific group: smart kids, jocks, nerd etc.

I guess the problem I am having now is that I am holding my ex girlfriend on a pedestal and I cannot take her down. Even though my counselor (who I have been seeing since before that breakup) states that during the relationship I was miserable. My friends say the same thing: I was never happy. But my ex girlfriend and I never talked for more than 1-2 minutes about getting together more. It was immediately shut down as “I can’t do it”.

Not sure what else I can tell you right now.

Well she did text me today and told me she needs to move on. She is going to focus on her kids and be alone. So it is done and I’m numb and heartbroken.

She was what I thought I wanted. Of course she was smart, witty, hard nosed and beautiful. But in the end did not love me. She gave me everything I wanted but couldn’t give me what I needed/craved: love.

Not sure how or how long this will take me to see daylight again. But I feel crushed. Life right now sucks again feel like a rudderless boat in the ocean.

Thanks to all that have responded.

Jeff

To All:

So to those following this thread, we broke up 2 weeks ago. I then asked about a break or getting back together. Or to at least think about reconciling. Bad on my part part I know. She then texted 1 hour later “I’m thinking about it…”

All of that was 1.5 days ago. I’m pretty sure she is going to say “let’s be friends”. I needed to know that there is no chance so that I could move forward.

Not sure why I’m writing this because I have made the decision to get to know myself better, but I always thought there was the possibility of reconciling with her in the future.

I have now made my confusing life even more confused.

Here are the goals I have set forth:

1. Better at my job and better customer satisfaction

2. Spending time with myself and getting to know what I want

So thank you for all of your responses and here’s to the future and whatever it may hold.

How do you seach the forums for either Brav3 or the topic mentioned I would be very interested in reading this.

I am completely distraught with the way my life is turning out. It’s frustrating that I gave her my all and was rejected. I feel like if I gave my ex more alone time then I wasn’t getting what I needed. I wasn’t getting what I needed as it was. I just feel like I pushed her away and I’m a complete loser. I also want to call/text her and I know that is not something that will change the situation. I cannot change her craving for alone time. I am also starting to realize that maybe that all was an excuse and she had just lost her feelings for me, even though she said she had them.

Still dazed and alone!

So it has been 2 weeks and today was the worst. I had a breakdown 2x. Once at the DDS office. It was embarrassing. Last time I had anxiety there and my ex texted me out of the anxiety.  I also went a trail run, first time, and couldn’t help but think about all the hiking my ex and I did. Again another breakdown.

I don’t have social support outside the work environment. I have friends I can reach by text or call. But that is it. So I am basically alone. I am also petrified about the future. It is going to take me getting out there alone and I’m not sure I can do it. I have always been shy and it’s tough for me to meet people. Work is also not a place to meet others as I work in a medical clinic.

I met my recent ex through online dating and not sure about that right now either. It may seem like I am wallowing, but I am scared about being alone.

I have a counselor and we are working on some things like why I’m always looking for validation, low self esteem and overall low self worth.

If anyone has a few good books to read about any of this let me know. Really struggling with life at this point, but as Craig has said 1 foot in front of the other.

Craig

I agree that wanting more time together wasn’t wrong, I do sometimes feel like I should have tried harder to give her that. My friends kept telling me they didn’t understand why she couldn’t give more time to me. My two best and most trusted friends quit talking about it because they thought it was a toxic relationship for me.

Im struggling with new town, new job, limited friends (actually in the area) and too much free time. My kids are here every other weekend so that creates much open time. I work 4.5 days a week. But all my evenings need to be filled in.

Im lonely and miserable. But my friends are telling I was the same with her on the nights I didn’t see her.

And the constant ruminating and urge to reach out are out of control!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Jeff.

Craig thanks for the reply.

So she did text the day after we broke up and asked how I was doing. I told her I was sad and wondering if we had made a mistake. I needed to get my kids, so I didn’t really say much else.

Once I got back home and settled a bit I did text back a long text about how I felt when i was with her. If she would reconsider I am here. I’m just not ready to give up yet. I will no longer text or call, but it does take a lot of will not to. Of course I still have feelings for her. I feel like I found someone I really clicked with and we enjoyed each other’s company. I am not sure if I will find that again. I am fearful for the future of being alone and lonely.

I understand it most likely isn’t in the cards for us, but it just makes it difficult that in my marriage I was told I wasn’t invested and now I am told I’m too invested.

I am hurting and not sure what I should do next.

Dawn

I agree. I need to address this with SO. She has recently as a few days ago told me that “she cares for me, wants this to work and has my back”. I just don’t know if what I’m doing now is enough to sustain the future. When together we do hit it off. Yes there are moments that we don’t but the majority of the time we do have a great time together.

I’m not sure what I want about anything at this time. I do know that I would like a bit more communication or together time. We have kids of the age they can be alone for 20 minutes to go on a walk or coffee. But she seems to think that that is too much. She hasn’t said intrusive, but that is the feeling I get from her. She has her kids 8 out 14 days and I see her 4-5 of the remaining days. Unfortunately they aren’t spaced out 3 of those days is 1 weekend

in regards to myself I have always feared being lonely. And the last few years I have had quite a bit of alone time which sometimes is lonely. I’m trying to branch out and I recently joined a running club. So thank you for your posts I appreciate it!