Dear George,
I relate to your pain very much. I was having an anxiety attack today due do feelings of not trying hard enough in my life. I am 23 and I feel inadequate because I didn’t finish college, I go through periods of unemployment, live with my parents, and have very little social interaction. I’ve moved out of state to live with my parents again and I have been lonely and in denial of myself for months. The worst part in my mind is that I don’t like being around people because I feel like I have to prove something to them. I know this is a lie, but it is a lie I unconsciously believed for so long, that breaking this habit seems like a complete break down of myself.
I’m also terrified that I can’t enjoy the present moment in every day life. I avoid people, I work somewhat silently at work, I avoid my parents, and then feel immense guilt for the way I am. This is the cycle of anxiety as I know it. . I’m scared that I’ll never feel natural around people and I don’t know how to communicate with people without needing their approval. In the past I always faked it and had lots of friends but there was always a hollow feeling in me, now that I’m overly aware of myself, I’ve lost the energy of generating that self image..completely. I wonder if this is feeling or fact. I feel very isolated from the world.
I did not mean for this to be so long, but writing this has helped calm me down enough to think a little better.
How do we know what feelings to let go of and what ones need addressing? This is the question I think about a lot.
I want to thank you for sharing your post. I found this thread in my spiral of anxietal thinking today and it helps to know that other people feel these things too. I hope you feel better and are able to learn and grow.