Men are not emotionally intelligent. Just not smart as women when it comes to realizing what emotions means to him. He thinks about you all the time but knows it is better to be friends due to the conditions which you live under. He wishes to bring a better life for the girl in his life. And if he sees that you are doing better without him then his courage dwindles. He doesn’t see that he can make you happy. So, all these emotions plays upon his poor male brain. While some men grow out of this and learn how to deal with life and love, this man is not there.

Some women will hide how they feel in a marriage. And then one day come up and ask for a divorce. If there has been no fights then men just do not see it coming. So, in a divorce, the man get cut off from their kids. Women will almost always get the children. Lose the woman he loved. So, basically he has his heart torn out. Then on top of that, must pay child support and possibly alimony. Who would want to do that again? If you got burnt then would you just want to do it again without a second thought? Some men would rather be single rather than to go thru having his life and love disrupted again. So even when loneliness pushes him to meet and talk to other women, he is hesitant. Life is safer staying single after a divorce. So, are you confused about what he is doing?

If you do not want this man then just give him space and he will walk away eventually. Just slowly dis-connect. Do not reply to his texts as often. Spend less time talking on the phone or e-mails or whatever. He will leave you alone. So, what if you want a relationship with him? You would have to make the move as they say. Tell him that you want a romantic relationship. That he could make you happy if … then say your reasons. It is the talking and closeness that makes the difference. I wish you happiness in all you do.

When Buddha was in the midst of his fasting and going to the extreme of denying the body, he heard a someone on the river say that hold on too hard and it get away from you. Hold to loose and it will run away. So, like sand, hold on too tight and the grains fall out of one’s grip. Hold to loose and still the sand will fall out. It was then, Buddha realized the middle way. And so it is with meditation. One experiences life using the internal dialogue. Understanding, comprehension, wants, desires, everything goes thru this mind. To meditate holding on too tight or holding too loose will let everything out of your grip. Meditation is not letting go. And it is not forcefully controlling thought. It is one pointed concentration. It is holding attention and it is breathing in the air. The middle way. The eightfold path. Yeah, too much coffee this morning

No one can give you advice on how to live your life without you having that person to blame for anything to go wrong. Never taking responsibility for your own actions. Regret? Always regret for not having taken the road not chosen. For not doing better. For making the last choice. Looking back means going back. If things were to going good then it would have continued. If things were going bad but have taken a turn for the better then it would have. It didn’t. You are going to have to decide and follow with actions. I give no advice and I give no comfort for your situation. Everyone has their own situations and choices to make. And the only thing one can count on is that everything changes over time. Which ever path you choose, I wish you luck.

[quote quote=427880]Now, even though the issues is resolved and I am studying at my dream place, I keep on getting flashbacks of that situation, and I sometimes keep on ruminating on what ifs like what if that situation would have actually happened. It is taking an emotional toll now and I am sort of tired of ruminating on intrusive thoughts and having breakdowns even though that situation didn’t happen in reality. Please suggest what should I do[/quote]

You know what needs to be done to get you out of this cycle of believing your thoughts more than the reality. You need to release the thoughts of these possible tragedy. To not bring to mind these thoughts. It will take time to make your mind run a routine of being mindful of your thoughts. Control your feelings and what concerns you. Sure it is not an easy thing to do when you are in the middle of the thoughts. Feelings pop up and discord takes over. But, if you keep the practice of being mindful of the present and the things you need to do and think about then eventually you will make progress to living in the present and being happy. But, if you continue to ruminate over the past then all hell breaks loose. You will lose yourself in those thoughts. I wish you strength and a good handle of those things you need to deal with. Good Luck.

I like the way Zen Buddhism gets to the direct point. Much like the story of the westerner going to Japan to learn about Zen. He goes to the master’s house to interview him. Rings the door bell. The master answers and invites the westerner in. They sit down. The master then offers tea. The gentleman kindly accepts. The master starts tot pour the tea. It goes to the brim and he keeps pouring. The man stands up to avoid getting the tea on his pants. He says, the cup is full. No more can go in. The master says that the cup is like the westerner’s mind. It is full of ideas about Zen that there is no room for more.

So, what is the point? Why tell you this story? There is so much going on in your life. You just do not see the whole picture. Buddha said that life is Dukkha. Some translate that to suffering. It is more of s dis-satisfaction with life. Buddha was a prince whose father protected him from the ills of life. Gave him women to serve him. Food to fill his belly. All the pleasures of life. And, still he was not satisfied. You are going thru similar feelings. You live this life but are not satisfied by it. Is it friends you want? Is it a good education? A career that excites you? You find, once you have that something new, you begin to long for the next big thing. If you think you do not belong in this group, that you are special, that there is something more to life, that you deserve more or better. Then, I am sorry I posted here.

There really is not much more to say. I wish you a great life. Be happy.

Seems that it has been a couple of years since the OP has been here. Please let it be that he has found peace. Calling it , .. His horror with Kundalini, … whether it is or is not , … that is not the point. I neither believe in his story nor do I disbelieve. It was something he posted in his time of pain. Pain can make men do strange things.

For me, pain is quite a personal thing which I tend to not share unless I think I can find relief such as going to see the doctor. However, there are people who come to forums to talk about their pain in relationships. Seeking friendly words and may be some helpful advice. He did not seem to want advice nor did he reach out for relief of his pain. He only seemed to want to share his pain. And in that way, I hope he found relief.

What is there to take away from such a person? He was a sight one sees along one’s journey when one stops to see the sights. Now time to move on.

Buddha and the truth, …

In the times of the Buddha, a man came up to the Buddha and asked if God exist? Is there a God? After talking to this man for a little while, he answered that there is no God. Buddha’s disciples noted this. At another time, another man came to the Buddha and asked does God Exist? Buddha talked with this man and finally answered that God does exist? Buddha’s disciples were now very confused. The disciples asked why Buddha answered that there is not God and there is a God. What is the truth? Buddha replied that the first man did believe in God. And if he was told there is a God then his spiritual journey would end with that answer there is a God. So, he was told there is no God. The second man did not believe in God and his spiritual journey would end if he was told there is no God. The truth was that neither person was ready to end their journey. They needed to continue.

So, is there a God or is there no God? Does it matter? What is the truth? What matters is to lead those people to find the truth. To continue their journey and find their truth. Where does this compassion and wisdom come from? The deepest part of love.

This is such a simple story and so full of traps to fall into. Believe in the Matrix? Believe that it does not matter to learn to have an honest living? That one’s life is a program to do as society says to do? That seems to me to be a very narrow view of life.

Sorry, I am not a woman so I do not see it from a woman’s point of view. You seems to be more invested into this relationship than just platonic. There has been no meeting and no face time? If you want to meet so badly as to cut him off unless he is on a plane to meet you then it must mean you want something more than friends?

From the man’s point of view, he does not want to commit to a relationship that he is unsure of. Yes, platonic. Then as friends, the only demand should be to talk every so often as to keep in touch and up to date about life. But, if you are a woman then he might have feelings that he can not control. It makes him want to meet you. He may want to see if there is a possibility of more than friendship but he is not willing to be rejected. Putting pressure on him to be on a plane to go meet you, that is in a sense rejection. He will feel this. And depending upon how deeply he wants to meet you, he will make his decision.

That song by Nicollete Larson, “Lotta Love”. It comes to my mind when I read your post. I hope you find what you’re looking for.