Seems she just wanted to be able to let out her feelings and maybe get a little sympathy? Advice?

What brought you two together in the first place? I would say to spend at least 20 to 30 minutes sitting on his lap with arms around each other and talk. No running away, talk. Let him know how you feel. Personally, I understand how it feels to be the responsible one. The one who does all the work in keeping the house clean and everyone fed. Know how it feels when just do their own thing and take advantage of you with out a kind word. Keeping these feelings in .. will build into resentment and a desire to leave. Pretty sure his has his issues too. Unless both people want this to work out right, talking will not accomplish what you need. Wish you good luck.

They do not sell Blue Stuff in stores. Only on line. If you search on line the look for Bluespring Blue Stuff emu therapy. Best wishes.

Dear Renn,

From the male perspective, money is a thing which needs to be kept in mind. For it is the responsibility of the man to provide and care for the family. Can’t do that without the help of money. So, it becomes a little more important to him than it is to you. So, different values, especially if he comes from a family with some money. The one thing no one teaches us about money. When taking out a loan or using credit cards, the money should be used to buy assets. Things that pay for itself and the loan. Don’t worry if it is returning spendable income. It’s value will grow. Just make sure it pays for itself.

As for the jealousy, women are so much prettier. And men value women on a different scale. It becomes easy to see women cheat. Statistically, women initiate divorce about 80% of the time. And most women say that they were done with the marriage months before it actually ended. Men have no notion of this until the divorce papers are handed to them. Marriage? Yeah, a little ahead of myself.

Jealousy is the fear the man is not good enough for the woman that the woman will leave them. It doesn’t make it right. Just the way some men are. They do not feel worthy enough. So there is fear the woman will leave him. It is ingrained in the way family was raised. I personally do not have this cause I grew up in a family that had no secrets nor any cheating. Can this be changed? The more beautiful you are .. the harder it is to convince him there is no chance of it. Cause other men will hit on you. And, then the possibility of you cheating,…. Stupid? Yes, men are stupid. Emotionally stunted.

It isn’t so much about love as it is about communication. If it is easy to talk and get through to each other then the better the relationship will be. If you can’t talk then feelings of love won’t make the relationship good. It only hides the turmoil that is about to come. To answer the question if you are compatible with your boyfriend, you will find many men are similar to your boyfriend. The chances that he will change is slim to none. Jealousy doesn’t just disappear. And you do not know how to handle that. You do not seem to know how to teach him that jealousy is hurting you cause you feel he does not trust you. And a relationship without trust can not survive. I wish you well and good luck in the future. No matter what you decide to do, I hope it works out for the best.

Tommy

Dear Helcat,

Thanks for the welcome. Sorry to hear about your … no, I am happy to hear of the birth of a new baby. It has taken a lot out of you. Hope you will be back to normal soon. I read your thread on chronic pain. Yes, there are good days and bad days. Personally, I have had back pain since I was around 40. Appear quite sudden while I was running after my daughter, trying to spoon feed her. I bent down a little and my back went into pure pain. I could not move. Fell over and grabbed my daughter to prevent her from getting into anything. She didn’t like that but I had to be sure she would not get into anything that might hurt her. After about an hour or so, the pain subsided s little. Enough for me to get back on my feet. Ever since, back pain. I found this “BLUE STUFF” that claim to reduce the pain. Well, I tried it and was so surprised the pain went away. It is relatively expensive. But, when one is hurting, anything.  What was nice was that it did not affect my consciousness. I could drive a car. Take care of the baby. Now a days, I wake up with pain in the back and right hand (injury at work). Work out the stiffness and off to do stuff during the day. Retired and collecting SS retirement benefits (barely). Luckily, the wife is still working. She is also a gardener. Grows vegetables during summer and we save money on that.

Oh, back to, … It is fantastic that you can see it in yourself to help others while you are in such a way. My wife hates pointing out the obvious especially if the news is not good. She only wants to hear happy stuff. Anyway, you are inspiring. Thanks. I hope everything is getting better. A baby changes everything. Sleep routine, concerns for the future, what needs have to looked after. We use to live in NYC. The schools are okay there but we weren’t really receiving the attention my daughter needed. So, we moved to Albany for better schools. It turned out to be a good decision for my daughter but not so much financially. But, we do what we think is necessary. I hope you and yours will have a bright future.

Oh, my grandmother passed away in the USA, in a hospital where no one spoke her language. Not being able to communicate. Not really knowing what was going on. And no way to find out. My mom passed away in a hospital after being sent there when having a medical issue at the nursing home. She remembered my older brother and younger brother when we visited her. I was just a stranger. My father passed away a few years after my mother died. He had a stroke and could not take care of himself. Anything bathroom related. My younger brother took care of him for a few years. Last year of his life was in a nursing home. The heartbreak was my sister who went into see the doctor for a cough and came out with a diagnosis of Cancer. Struggled with Chemo therapy. Died in the hospital while full of morphine. Sorry, I forgot the word morphine.  Getting old.

First off, congratulations on finding someone you love and loves you. I know when I brought home a white girl home that I felt more the pressure to have a Chinese girl friend and not a white woman. Eventually I lost her. Full of regret. And married my Chinese wife. It was easier to deal with due to having same cultural backgrounds. And, It is only now that I see that it is my life and not the family’s life that matters.

Yes, you have quite a difficult life ahead with ataxia. People who have this usually have it full blown by age 45. There is little to no chance of recovery. Sad. And there is incredible stress with living with someone who has this. Realization of this becomes stronger as it progresses. Often the partner learns of the reality of how hard it is to deal with, much later. I am impressed at your words of dedication to this woman. And, I wish you two happiness. (Hopefully they will find a cure). You must continue to communicate about this disease with her. If she feels you are looking for a way out then hug her and promise her you are just trying to love everything about her. Good and bad. The way it should be.

So, how to let the family know? Parents will be there for you no matter what because you are their son. My sister married outside race. Beautiful babies. And it took my mother years before she came around due to the grandchildren. Turned out the guy was a very good husband and father. (My sister passed away at 45 due to Cancer) In the end, family will come together. There is no other way than to bring her to meet your parents and warn your girlfriend of the treatment she will face. Then hope for the best and live thru the worse. There will be yelling and forced feelings. Alienation, disapproval, all the good stuff that life brings when one makes an unpopular decision.

Gather your strength. Prepare the girlfriend. Do what you think is right. Wish you good luck.

Hello Helcat,

Am I lacking compassion? No. Am I beating myself up? No. But, I have seen myself reacting to her post instead of acting upon her post. My intent was to make her look at herself and her situation. To have her pull herself out of this self-pity. But, I do not have the ability to gauge her readiness for this. And so, I need to work on myself. To learn to cut thru to the truth of situations. You and Anita are better suited to help people who come here for a therapeutic word. Wishing you, two, the best.

Tommy

Hello Helcat,

Making thread after thread about the same thing? To just complain about this person who she believes has done her wrong but provides no proof, no explanation? She really needs to give that up or it will destroy her life. I do not see this as cruel or inappropriate as letting her continue like this so that she wades in her sorry until she drowns. She makes more thread and go over the same thing about how cruel this guy is to her. To have promised marriage and all that. But, where is his side of the story. Cause she had mention how loving he was. When they had fights he was always the first to apologize and say that he never wanted to lose her (that was her own words). So, how does a man go from not wanting to lose the love to leave her and find another woman? She sees herself as the victim. There comes a time where she has to become stronger and grow from this. To move forward. Just like the other thread where the guy came here looking for excuses so he came find a reason to forgive the girl who cheated on him. If you feed them what they want to hear then they will go down with the ship.

Kinder way to do this? Do you peel the bandage off slowly to feel every little movement as pain? Which is really more kind? Yeah, this is the last time I post here. I can not help those who chose to live in sorrow and depression.