Whenever there are people involved, there are chances for abuse. It is unfortunate. When there are male leaders, some tend to abuse their position and have inappropriate relationships. This is not limited to Buddhist. Catholic church and their priest. Some of the abused were children. Buddhist has had their share. Are women discriminated against. Of course they have, historically. Not allowed in an all male temple. Women present a serious temptation and distraction. This doesn’t disappear even in our modern age. Some temples allow women in but only under strict guidelines. Must dress as to present a gender neutral facade. Buddhist temples are not a dating or social venue.

Could ask the Catholic church if they discriminate against women. It will probably be very similar. There may be Saints and Buddha’s but not all members are such.

Dear Laven,

If I were a good person then I would say, …. (warning; watch out)

Forgive him so that you can let him go. Then build upon your own life with new people. Rejoice in the time you had with him. Don’t feel bad because he left. Feel good that you now have a new opportunity to grow beyond him and onto better things. So, learn to forgive. Make yourself whole again.

But, I am not a good person. I usually speak my mind and it upsets people. You know your situation is not healthy. You know. What are you going to do about it? Dwell in the sorrow and the hurt and the pain? You know. You know.

Tommy

Note: Despise me if you want but it won’t change the facts. You know.

[quote quote=434646]* I want to add a note about Tommy’s post: “Oh, wow, so much.. BS. No not the right word. You seem to be extremely cerebral… There is nothing special about enlightenment… Drop this monkey mind”– – calling Peter’s thoughts and feelings BS? Telling him there is nothing special about what he believes to be special? Telling him to drop his ideas and beliefs? And, sneakily, you say BS is not the right word, but you don’t delete the it. You call him extremely cerebral: Wel, you Tommy were extremely rude here. Personally, I’ll take extremely cerebral over extremely rude any time of the day or night. anita[/quote]I am sorry that you read the words but did not understand the intent. Okay, I was rude. I apologize. The post wasn’t meant for you.

[quote quote=434649]Thanks Anita you have a wonderful way with words and its helpful to see what I attempt to work through reflected back so succinctly. Though I was taken aback by Tommy’s tone for a moment (a old wound of not being seen or understood showed up) I wasn’t offended. As we were referencing a Zen Koan, after taking the moment, I had to laugh as ‘BS’ is actually a appropriate reply. A Zen master would have no doubt ‘slapped‘ both of us. If I understand correctly the Koan’s are paradoxical and intentionally frustrating the idea being to break (slap) the hold of the grasping measuring mind or something… the imagined Zen Master just slapped me again. 🙂 Tommy’s mention of monkey mind caused me to pause. My process of ‘sitting in a Koan’ (Paradox, dualism) with free flow of thoughts (slowed down by typing them out) actually calms the monkey as it tends to end in silence. But that’s my process and I see why it might find it ‘to much’.[/quote]

You have an amazing understanding. And yes, I was rude. I apologize for my words but not for my intent. And Yes, An old Zen master would have slapped us both. You know more than you let on at first. Namaste.

No one wants to read my posts but, I am stubborn. Yeah, sometimes, a person can get comfortable enough that they control everything. When something goes a little awry yelling and saying things not so loving comes out. I get that a lot from my wife. It does hurt sometimes but, I am a man and have grown up to be resistant to this. Thing must be done whenever she wants it done. I am always wrong in what I do. blah, blah. I take it. Your partner might have gone thru something similar. It doesn’t mean there is no love. Just that current events have taken their toll. A break is never good. But hopefully it will turn out right for both parties.

Keep your distance as necessary but also keep lines of communication open. Working on yourself? Tough when there is no sounding board. A reflection of the things you do that bothers her. How do you change something you are not aware of? I had these problems. So spent lots of time in meditation. Ended up with much reflection of my actions. Insights? And sleeping with my head leaning to one side while sitting up. Okay skip me.

Dear Helcat,

Thanks. Looked up Beth on Youttube.com. She is full of lots of information. Too much for me to comprehend. So, my head tends to bow out of such talks. I am a simple person. Not too smart and no head for so much information. I just get confused and lost in all that.

In older days when monks travelled from one temple to another, battle of the Dharma talks were common. If the travelling monk can win the battle of the Dharma then they get to stay at the Temple for the night. If not then they must move on. So one day, a travelling monk arrives at this Temple. The Abbot is too busy to greet the travelling monk. So, he asked his disciple to greet the travelling monk. His disciple only has one eye from birth. And he is a rather large man. So, he goes to greet the travelling monk. The travelling monk greet the monk with a bow. And the battel begins in silence. First the traveling monk puts up one finger. The disciple puts up two fingers. The monk puts up three fingers and the disciple puts up his fist. The travelling monk quickly bows and leaves. The abbot after finishing his other business sees the monk and asked him what happened. The monk says that he put up one finger to show the one true Dharma. Then the disciple put up two fingers to show the duality of the world. The monk says he put up three finger to show the three jewels. The disciple then put up his fist to show everything is one. So, admitted losing and quickly left. The Abbot then sees his disciple and asked what had happened. The disciple says that the monk was rude and put up one finger to show that I only had one eye. I put up two fingers to congratulate him on his two eyes. The the monk insults me by putting three fingers up to show that together we have thee eyes. I was so angry I put my fist up ready to pound him. He then got up and rushed out. So what is the moral of the story? I do not know. I guess whatever is in your mind at the time is what makes up the world around you.

Dear Deb123,

Yes, he has treated you badly before and there is no indication that will change in the future. I am well aware of men’s behavior of not being sure about a woman. He likes you but doesn’t want to commit if another woman comes along. So thinking playing the field. But, it is only hurting you. So, it is time to cut this loose and move on. My advice is not always the best nor does anyone want to listen to me. But, you even said it yourself. Why would you even want to see him ever again?

Tommy

His is a male perspective too. Only his is rooted in what he wants, selfish needs. There must have been some attraction in the beginning?? To get married? Arranged?? I do not know. So, what becomes of the other person when everything becomes what he wants and not what they want? That was the trigger for me.

I understand he wants kids but to dump all the blame on his wife? She won’t lose weight so we can not have kids? I mean who doesn’t want to have babies when they are in a marriage? But to be selfish about it and blame the partner? I wish I could take a rolled up newspaper and hit him on the nose and say bad dog. But, we are here for support and a kind word. Not to judge and criticize. Advice and help. To make things better?

Sometimes I forget that and go off. I apologize for my out burst. I do not want to hurt another human being. Or any animal. So, I take a deep breath and hope better sense comes out of me. I wish you all well. Namaste.

I do not understand the reason for this separation?? Why are you taking this break from each other? Are you angry with each other? Has one person done something to the other? Was there cheating? Or is it just issues that keep coming up which hurt each other?

This seems all to familiar. Like banging heads against the wall. As a kid I did this, bang my head against the wall. Why? Because it felt good when I stopped. Yeah, not a smart kid. Learnt that at an early age. Anyway, you have a relationship. There was love there once and now it’s gone? Have the feelings changed so much that there has to be this split to be able to reconcile your differences?

Personally, I hope you two reconcile and live happily ever after. But, we all know that living with another person will have its ups and downs. It will have its joys and sorrows. But, we do it together. That is the bond we should have. Please call her. talk with her. Ask what is going on between you two. How did you end up in this situation? Nothing gets reconciled by not talking. Silence only creates distance.

Dear Clara,

I hope this post finds you well. Healthy, happy and safe. I wish nothing but the best for you. Nothing gets better from being apart unless there is really true love. Hungry love. Young love. Like the saying goes, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And hopefully if you care more then it will prompt you to change so you can enjoy the happiness. If one is not happy with themselves then how can one be happy with another person? One can not depend on another to make them happy. You must be happy with you first then another person will add to your life. Otherwise all we find is disappointment. My advice is to find happiness within yourself so you can share this with the people in your life. Best wishes and much love for you in the future.

Tommy

PS, Good luck with whatever happens or whatever you decide to do.