I do not understand the reason for this separation?? Why are you taking this break from each other? Are you angry with each other? Has one person done something to the other? Was there cheating? Or is it just issues that keep coming up which hurt each other?

This seems all to familiar. Like banging heads against the wall. As a kid I did this, bang my head against the wall. Why? Because it felt good when I stopped. Yeah, not a smart kid. Learnt that at an early age. Anyway, you have a relationship. There was love there once and now it’s gone? Have the feelings changed so much that there has to be this split to be able to reconcile your differences?

Personally, I hope you two reconcile and live happily ever after. But, we all know that living with another person will have its ups and downs. It will have its joys and sorrows. But, we do it together. That is the bond we should have. Please call her. talk with her. Ask what is going on between you two. How did you end up in this situation? Nothing gets reconciled by not talking. Silence only creates distance.

Dear Clara,

I hope this post finds you well. Healthy, happy and safe. I wish nothing but the best for you. Nothing gets better from being apart unless there is really true love. Hungry love. Young love. Like the saying goes, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And hopefully if you care more then it will prompt you to change so you can enjoy the happiness. If one is not happy with themselves then how can one be happy with another person? One can not depend on another to make them happy. You must be happy with you first then another person will add to your life. Otherwise all we find is disappointment. My advice is to find happiness within yourself so you can share this with the people in your life. Best wishes and much love for you in the future.

Tommy

PS, Good luck with whatever happens or whatever you decide to do.

Dear Mr. A

What is the old saying? Turn around is fair play? If you put yourself in her shoes then you would understand that losing weight is not easy. Her body image in her mind is not the same as yours about her. And, I said if you want change then you must change. But, down to it, you don’t want this woman anymore. You want a fit woman who will bear you children. Looking at it from your point of view, divorce and pay her monthly alimony. Find another woman and pay for the new marriage with kids.

When I got married, I will not cheat on my wife and never leave her unless that will be what she wants. I try to remember affection and humor is the best medicine. I don’t push her. I want her happy not worrying about how life is going due to her husband’s demands. Well, to each their own.

I hope you find it in yourself to change your habits. Find that part of you that can inspire your wife to achieve your goals and make you happy. Good luck.

There is something called an intermittent fasting. 16 hours no food and 8 hours for eating. Of course, do not eat too much for those eight hours. Skipping breakfast. and going to noon will help. This type of fasting helps with health issue. It takes about a month or so to see the changes. But, once they start to come, the health will improve.

I am guessing that things seem to be different now. When I met the right girl, we would talk all the time. Smile when we met. The first time we kissed, we knew it was right. Intimacy meant exclusiveness. And that was kissing and touching parts of the body. There didn’t need to be a verbal contract. We just knew.

It seems to me that he was a snake. Make talk that you wanted to hear and then behave badly. Took advantage of you and goes off about how you are not together. Having sex means the two are together. We aren’t one night stands kind of people. If he is then leave him. Leave him quickly. Cut off any talk or text. Someone like that does not deserve you. Be strong. You can do better than him.

What man spends two months with a woman only to have sex and then say they are not GF and BF?? And he took your “V”? That just sounds like a dog doing his dirty deeds. Kick him out. You don’t need this crap. Find someone who will honor you for the good person you are.

Dear Helcat,

I am not angry at him or for his wife. Being self centered, I only thought how useless I am cause I could not be compassionate. That I have no wisdom in this matter. But, when one comes upon a person who is hungry but you know the person has stolen before, do you feed the person or not. So being a thief should not prevent one from feeding the hungry. The sun shines on all the people not the select few. Compassion should be given to those who need it.

So, again, I do need to work on myself. Need to clean up mu thoughts. Not to let one’s sense of reason and feelings of righteousness controls one’s actions or words. He was here for a few kind words. Much like that girl who keeps posting about her ex living next door and feeling like her ex cheated and lied to her. She just wanted to hear a kind word. I was stupid and just told her to stop and move on otherwise she will not move on and live a better life. It should not matter what I want.

Dear Helcat

It looks like I have done it again. Opened my big mouth about some guy’s “On line Dating Gone Wrong”. I thought I had worked on my self centeredness. Become more open to others. But, this guy was to work with his priest and wife on their marriage. But, disappointed with having to wait for the divorce, he strikes out on a dating app. Meets someone and lies to her. Hurts her. And he can only think about himself. Where is my sympathy? Where is my compassion? Where is the wisdom? I may have to leave again to work on myself. Try harder to be a better person like you and Anita.

Tommy

What is Buddhism? One can learn more about Buddhism in library books. And then one can learn about the heart of Buddhism from a good teacher. And live a life of Buddhism with regular meetings of a sangha. But, to start, reading a few books will help.

What have I learned? Buddhism is something you can take in small doses or large ones. It is up to you. Buddhism presents its teachings and it becomes your wish whether to follow or dismiss it. There is no push. Most start off with the four noble truths. Life is suffering. The truth of the cause of suffering. The truth to the end of suffering. The path that leads to the end of suffering. It may explain it but it is up to you to see if there is truth in those words. And when you do learn the truth, you will believe and seek enlightenment. The most common path is thru meditation. Meditation does not guarantee enlightenment. But, there is a guarantee that there is no enlightenment without it. Mindfulness is an extension of meditation in the active waking world. Some will meditate for stress relief or some other form of benefit. Concentration, relaxation, insight etc. Later, one learns of the three jewels. Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha. Then the three truths of Buddhism. Dukkha, Anicca, and Anatta. I wish you well on your journey.

I had a friend who was always out cheating on his girlfriend. They lived together and would have many arguments. It was only after they had kids that he settled down a bit. They started to get along better. I am not saying that having kids will make one’s married life better. However, one does tend to do more towards having a stable home for the children.

Male perspective? I use that as an excuse for saying things which make no sense at all to women. Sometimes it makes no sense to me too. It certainly makes no sense to my wife. Not to complain too much about her, she asks me why am I so crazy. I have learned to take time and take breaths before answering. Sometimes I think I enjoy meditating so much because it is a time when no one is commanding me to do things. It is peaceful and I am not trying to do anything special.

I love the title. “Working On Stuff”. I know that everything I go thru is to let me learn something. To grow. Sometimes, I think that I am an awful person. Have many regrets. And other times, I believe that I am not so bad as others. But, we can not compare ourselves to others. They have their way or path. And I have mine. Buddha might have mentioned somethings about birth, death and rebirth. Rebirth, I would be given another chance to do things right or screw things up again. Who doesn’t want a second chance? So, not so much in a hurry to become Buddha like.

I think about the cycle of life. My grandfather had my father and my father had me. I have my daughter. Grandfather passed, my father passed and soon my time will come. What ever mattered to me will be lost when this body passes away. All the memories, love, joy, values, and everything. May happen sooner due to dementia. The next generation builds their own life and the cycle continues.

Sorry for my rant. Too long please don’t read. Have a good life or at least try to be happy. In the end it is all we have and all we can leave behind for those we love.