Thank you Helcat,

It has been nice to talk with you. Share a story and a laugh. Thanks for that. I feel that I must leave here. I am not good at helping or giving advice. And am thin skinned enough to be easily triggered. Then off with the mouth and then apologizes for what I said. So, not being of good body and not a sound mind, I think I will leave again. Thank you so much for your kindness. I wish you all well.

Tommy

[quote quote=434646]* I want to add a note about Tommy’s post: “Oh, wow, so much.. BS. No not the right word. You seem to be extremely cerebral… There is nothing special about enlightenment… Drop this monkey mind”– – calling Peter’s thoughts and feelings BS? Telling him there is nothing special about what he believes to be special? Telling him to drop his ideas and beliefs? And, sneakily, you say BS is not the right word, but you don’t delete the it. You call him extremely cerebral: Wel, you Tommy were extremely rude here. Personally, I’ll take extremely cerebral over extremely rude any time of the day or night. anita[/quote]I am sorry that you read the words but did not understand the intent. Okay, I was rude. I apologize. The post wasn’t meant for you.

[quote quote=434649]Thanks Anita you have a wonderful way with words and its helpful to see what I attempt to work through reflected back so succinctly. Though I was taken aback by Tommy’s tone for a moment (a old wound of not being seen or understood showed up) I wasn’t offended. As we were referencing a Zen Koan, after taking the moment, I had to laugh as ‘BS’ is actually a appropriate reply. A Zen master would have no doubt ‘slapped‘ both of us. If I understand correctly the Koan’s are paradoxical and intentionally frustrating the idea being to break (slap) the hold of the grasping measuring mind or something… the imagined Zen Master just slapped me again. 🙂 Tommy’s mention of monkey mind caused me to pause. My process of ‘sitting in a Koan’ (Paradox, dualism) with free flow of thoughts (slowed down by typing them out) actually calms the monkey as it tends to end in silence. But that’s my process and I see why it might find it ‘to much’.[/quote]

You have an amazing understanding. And yes, I was rude. I apologize for my words but not for my intent. And Yes, An old Zen master would have slapped us both. You know more than you let on at first. Namaste.

Oh, wow, so much, … BS. No not the right word. You seem to be extremely cerebral. Chop wood carry water is simple. There is nothing special about enlightenment. Before chop wood carry water. Normal parts of life. After chop wood carry water. Basic part of life. Realizing that there a part of me that is exactly like that part in you. That it permeates the universe. Life remains the same. What is there to experience is natural and unchanging.. Viewing life thru someone else’s eyes? Temporal, measuring, ego? Drop this monkey mind and push forward onto the truth. Good luck.

No one wants to read my posts but, I am stubborn. Yeah, sometimes, a person can get comfortable enough that they control everything. When something goes a little awry yelling and saying things not so loving comes out. I get that a lot from my wife. It does hurt sometimes but, I am a man and have grown up to be resistant to this. Thing must be done whenever she wants it done. I am always wrong in what I do. blah, blah. I take it. Your partner might have gone thru something similar. It doesn’t mean there is no love. Just that current events have taken their toll. A break is never good. But hopefully it will turn out right for both parties.

Keep your distance as necessary but also keep lines of communication open. Working on yourself? Tough when there is no sounding board. A reflection of the things you do that bothers her. How do you change something you are not aware of? I had these problems. So spent lots of time in meditation. Ended up with much reflection of my actions. Insights? And sleeping with my head leaning to one side while sitting up. Okay skip me.

Dear JessicaEmily,

It was not bad luck that you were born into such a horrible situation. That was just life. What was good luck is that you still seem sane and able to cope (for now). Buddhism might have helped you transition from a bad situation. What you might need now is (and I can not believe I am saying this), is to take up a self defense course. This is to develop a sense of self that is in charge, in control. It makes standing up for yourself as an ability rather than a stance against fear. It is okay to fight fear but better when there is something to back it up. I do not advocate fighting but defense. Buddhist monks in China had Kung Fu to help them keep fit for those long hours of meditation. It also made it easier to not be mistreated.

Please do not listen to any one who points their crap at you. Meaning, it doesn’t matter what you eat or drink. A dog should not be attacking you. No excuses. You deserve respect. Oh, how I wish I could have given this advice when you needed it instead of years later.

No, no one is prone for a life of bad luck. Change yourself and the world will change also.

Dear Helcat,

That does sound true. But if one achieves stillness then what? It can’t be just to find the stillness. Something else has to arise from this not just stillness. Moving one’s center from this chaotic mind to the stillness should provide more than calm. Not that in practice, we look to achieve anything. And anything achieved would become meaningless unless we learn and understand the truth of the Buddha nature. That the thing that is me is the same thing that is you.

I am sorry if I sound confused. Lately, anytime I wake in the night, I spend some time sitting up with my eyes closed and watching my breath. It doesn’t make for much sleep. But being retired, I don’t get up to go to a job. I get up to make family breakfast and lunch and dinner. Do laundry. Clean around the house. Feed the chickens. That time i spend just sitting is something I enjoy. Even though, I never remember how I got into a different position when I wake. Sometimes, I have woken up while still in the sitting position. Head slumped over.

Tommy

Hi Anita,

I would like to say that if a man meets a woman and does not show the intentions of wanting more then trying to be her friend will end up being her friend and nothing more. Without that little spark, that something that makes two people like each other, the relationship will not progress too far. And it has to happen early in the relationship. As I said, I was 32 when I met my wife. I tried that being friends first. You end up being friends and that is it. Showing that attraction and having that spark makes all the difference between a friend in the end and a lover forever. Yes, be confident but not macho. A man needs the confidence to approach and begin a conversation. Have you ever tried to approach a man? In society, it is the man that needs to make eye contact, walk over and say something to pull in the attraction. Rejection weighs heavy in the mind of the man as he has to walk away feeling shame and embarrassment.

When talking, do not answer questions with one word. Like if she ask you what you do for a living, Answer with several interesting ideas. Like, Baseball players get to travel to other cities and I grew up wanting to be a baseball player so I could travel but I could never hit the ball. So now I sell cardboard boxes. Look into her eyes and say it with a smile. Simple word answer does nothing to give another person to latch onto. To find something in common. To let the other person talk about themselves. Teasing around and playing .. shows a light hearted person. Easy to be around. Likeable.

Anita gives great advice (she is a great person) but here I think she lacks the experience of being a man and the associated difficulties of social interactions between men and women. It is time for Franco to make himself more sociable. I do not mean to go to learn to become a pick up artist . But, to learn how to be more charismatic. Make yourself into a person others want to be around and you will find it becomes easier to ask a woman to coffee. If you want to start with small conversation alone and the rest of being a friend then that is all you will get. A person would rather be shown a good time rather than asked what to do for a good time. A start up conversation of introducing yourself and asking if you would like to have coffee with me is more direct and shows interest right away. (Youtube.com Charisma on command. They give interesting pointers).

Tommy

PS, I am sorry if I interrupt and seem rude.

Dear Franco,

As a man of 32, that was the age I met my wife. I immediately knew I wanted her. So, I just broke out of my old mold. And said I like you alot. I said a lot of silly stuff about how looking at her has turn my head around that I see no other woman in my life. If you find yourself questioning your ability to talk to her then you will fail. Be confident in yourself. Forget about your insecurities. Rejection only hurts for a moment. Being alone can last a lifetime. So, go. What to talk about? Ask for her ideas about relationships? Should a guy keep pictures of his ex girlfriend when he is living with his present girlfriend? Make it like you value her opinion. Something like I would like your help. I met this woman that I am very interested in, say you think the woman is beautiful and should I ask her to have coffee with me? Then ask her to have coffee with you. You can be silly to break the ice. If she says yes then go have coffee and talk. Ask her questions about her, not talk about you.

Rejection? It is okay to be rejected. A no thank you is not a bad thing. Only bad is if she thinks you are a creep. Don’t be creepy. No one thinks bad of a virgin. The first always means more than everyone that follows. And most people appreciate it. Stop the fear and go head first into this. If you want practice then look at youtube.com Search “Charisma”, learn not to be shy.

Tommy