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AveryParticipant
Thank you for the reply Matty.
I think you’re right about why I feel guilty for wanting to leave. Part of me still wants to believe that he can change, or that I can change him somehow. He’s been the most important part of my life for such a long time. It’s scary to think about not having him in my life anymore. Maybe my problem is that I don’t really have any hobbies or friends to focus on. Life will still go on without him, but I don’t know what kind of a life that would be for me. I’d be free. And I’d have to figure out what to do with that freedom. That’s kind of scary to me, but it feels like a good thing.Once again your words were very helpful Anita, thank you.
Now I understand that my boyfriend is not knowingly lying and manipulating me. But it’s still manipulation, and it’s still not okay. I definitely don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying not to upset him. Staying with him is only hurting me, and it’s allowing him to continue to be depressed while he takes out his emotions on me. That’s not fair to either of us. If I leave I can be happy and free on my own. He can hopefully get the help he needs and maybe learn to be happy someday too.Lovelylightning, your situation is VERY similar to mine. I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this type of relationship. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one going through this, and that other people have successfully escaped these situations. It seems like you’ve been able to distance yourself from your boyfriend, that’s something I’ve never been able to do. It’s a lot harder than it might seem to someone who’s never had to deal with this. I’ve finally made the decision to let go of this relationship and move on, but I don’t know how to do it. I would like to talk more about this with you as well. I’m new to this site so I don’t know if there’s a way to send private messages or anything. If there isn’t, email would be fine.
AveryParticipantThank you both for replying. I really appreciate the advice.
Runn, I’m sorry you’ve had similar experiences. This kind of relationship isn’t good for anyone. I am currently looking into getting some counseling to deal with the issues I have. I’m hoping it will help me change my situation. I could contact the police if it was absolutely necessary, but I think it might be better to talk to his parents. They might be able to handle it without the police getting involved. Although, I’m a bit apprehensive about telling anyone about his problems. He’s told me not to on several occasions, and he usually says it quite aggressively. I know he’s too far away to harm me physically, but I fear he may retaliate by telling my parents things I’d rather them not know.
Anita, the things you said were very helpful. I’m less worried now about him trying to hurt me. He doesn’t have a violent history that I’m aware of. At least, I don’t think he’s been violent towards other people. I know he has a history of self harm, so I don’t have a hard time believing him when he threatens to hurt himself. I’m more worried about him committing suicide than I am about him hurting me. I know he’s manipulating me, but it doesn’t seem like he knows he’s doing it. It seems like he’s just depressed, insecure, and possibly suicidal. I honestly can’t tell if he only acts this way because of his mental illness, or if he’s just using it as an excuse so that I’ll feel empathy and stay with him. I guess I have a hard time believing that he would do this on purpose. He can be really kind and loving sometimes. It makes me think I’ve just been overreacting about everything and I should give him another chance. I always believe him when he says he’s trying to change. But that’s the cycle of abuse, isnt it? Logically, breaking up with him is the smartest and safest decision, but when I think about actually doing it, I feel like I’m making a mistake. I don’t understand why.
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