Hi Anita,

I haven’t posted in a while.

Since the last time I’ve posted, things have changed quite a bit for me. I realized that there are some really important issues in my life that I need to face even though it’s really hard and it hurts. I kept trying to fix ‘on the surface’ problems while neglecting what I really need to deal with. But I need to do it in order to move forward.

I realized that in their own ways, both my dad and grandmother have been controlling. It was difficult for me to fully accept this because they’re the people closest to me, the people that I thought I could depend on. I’ve cut off communication with my dad and with my grandmother to an extent. I’ve been through a lot emotionally these past couple months but I’ve also been able to open up to close friends and I’m extremely grateful for their support.

What’s been hovering over me lately is that I feel I need to make a fresh start. I’ve felt like this for quite some time but I always though it meant that I was just running away from my problems but now it feels like I’m running towards new beginnings, new experiences. I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life but I always felt different on the inside, different to my family and it was like I kept trying to make them understand but now I need to do what’s right for me. I wonder if I really do need a fresh start, am I running away from my life, am I just too scared to really let go and move on?

Hi Anita,

Sorry, I didn’t respond in quite a while.

I moved out about 3 weeks ago. It was definitely one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made but I’m proud of myself for taking action.
I’m staying near to my dad’s place and he has been an emotional support for me. I thought I would feel guilty but I don’t because I still love my family and care for them.

I also finally admitted to myself that the friends that I’ve been surrounding myself with, I haven’t felt connected to them in a while. I was afraid of admitting this because I didn’t want to be lonely. But making the decision to take some time away from them has been rewarding in that I look to myself to find the answers to issues. I don’t know how to explain it, but I hold no ill feelings to my family or friends, it was just time for me to start listening to my own voice again.

University is resuming in September so I’ve been focusing on getting a routine down – in terms of studying, exercising and eating healthy. I have these moments though where I feel empty on the inside, like I’m working on myself and I’m focused but these moments crop up. I think it happens because there’s this inner conflict where I know that I’m not being my authentic self, I’m not giving it my all. It’s like I’ve created these boundaries for myself unintentionally. So at this point, that’s what I want to work on, regaining that authenticity and removing those boundaries so that I can have a solid foundation from which I can build my life on. Do you have any advice on how I can go about that?

That’s it! I am afraid to operate differently. For so long all I’ve tried to do is maintain peace so that my family thinks that I’m happy but now I’m no longer contented with that. My older brother doesn’t keep in much contact with my family anymore and I didn’t understand why but now I can relate to his decision more.

The way I see it now is that it’s nothing personal. I don’t hate them and I am eternally grateful for all that they have done for me but I am entering another stage of my life. More than likely, they won’t understand but it’s not about that, if it was then I’d spend a lifetime trying to convince them why I need to do what I need to do and never actually getting around to it. I guess that stems from me always seeking their approval.