Hello Pink,

Yikes is right. When she told me what she values in me, I felt as though she stabbed me. But then again, with no sex, I guess she views me as a roommate. She’s very repressed in terms of her emotions, sex/sexuality, and being gay. She has only had one other girlfriend, who left her after seven years for a man. I can kind of see why, because she is so much like a man…so why not just go and be with a man (the previous gf)? She is also very, extremely, independent and clearly doesn’t “need” me for anything, except sex. I feel purposeless. Honestly, if it weren’t for my financial and health status, I would leave because I’ve never been with anyone like this. So I continue to be the little housewifey because I have a great home and don’t have to worry about money or being cared for if I get sicker. I am saving money as hard as I can, though, so I will be able to leave one day.

We do have some good times together, but now it’s as friends. So now, with us as friends/roommates, it’s hard for me to think of a way to even start “the” conversation with her. “You know how we haven’t had sex in five years? Well it’s because you don’t brush your teeth, wipe yourself, wear clean clothes or act like you care about anything other than horses.” THAT isn’t gonna work! I know I need to talk with her, but the words…what to say?

Kylee – Thank you for your response. If only those questions would work. I seriously do not understand the mentality of having poopy underwear and walking around with fresh poop in your underwear. She doesn’t like me to do her laundry. I LOVE to do laundry, and am happy to do that for her, but she prefers to jam everything into one load and “get it all done at once” rather than sorting and pre-spotting. So she does her own laundry. I’m getting used to her sloppiness around the house. I figure I can either put up with it by cleaning up behind her, or I can move out. Moving out is not a good option for me for several reasons, so I clean up behind her. The nasty underwear and the stained, out-of-style, too-tight, torn, and ancient-looking clothes, though…I just don’t know what to do. I cannot think of words to use to talk with her about her underwear. I guess that is the most pressing issue I have. She buys new underwear — every 2-3 years — but doesn’t get rid of the old underwear, and then the new underwear ends up gross too. It’s such a delicate issue, but she wants us to have sex and I just can’t.