Hi Anita,

Im still not doing good.  I miss him terribly.  Everyday I wish he will unblock me and contact me and come back.   I dont understand how he can just walk out of my life like this.  He has been trying to date other women from what i heard since he left me and too me he sounds desperate.  I have lost 10 pounds in the past 2 weeks.  I have not been sleeping well or eating much. I  feel empty and my heart is very heavy and i feel kinda anxious.   I think its because we were in love and engaged .   But he chose his friends, family and his job over me because he didn’t like being “pushed” to come home to me when he was out late and his friends may have persuaded him into finding someone else.   I pray everyday for him to come back.  Im just an empty shell trying to survive.  This is the most hardest relationship i have ever had in my entire adult life to try to get over.   i just dont know what to do anymore.

Anita

He left me.  Yesterday morning everything seemed fine when I was leaving for work. He was still asleep.  We kissed and hugged them I left for work.  I texted him when I got to work good morning and I love you.  2 hours went by. No response. He is usually good at responding.  So I called him.  He was at Starbucks getting a coffee and told me he would call me back.  I said ok I love you.  He  didn’t even say it back and hung up on me.  Then later he texted me Hi can you talk.  I said sure babe. He was at his cousins house.  He texted me he couldn’t live with me any more. My heart stopped.   I got all sweaty and hot.   I called him. He said he couldn’t be with me anymore.   He told me to keep my engagement ring.  He packed all his stuff up and left me.   His cousin told me when we got married through Islam (nikah) I refused to convert.  He is from Azerbaijan.   His cousin proceeded to tell me I treated him like a child which isn’t true.   The cousin proceeded to tell me that he wanted kids and since we were 17 years apart I can’t risk a pregnancy. I’m 48 and he’s 31.  He told me in the beginning age didn’t matter and he did not want kids at all .   And now his cousin told me he wants kids and his family over seas do not approve of us being together and he wants a family.  Cousin said he tried to tell me that but said I didn’t understand.   I told the cousin that I was not aware I had to convert and he told me I didn’t have to.   Cousin said that he isn’t used to someone like me being pushy and standing up for myself against an Azerbaijan man. They like to provide for their family and are not used to women like me .   He said he loves me but he wants more than just love.   I told his cousin he told me he didn’t care what anyone said about us as long as we were happy with each other and if wanted to get married we can.   He wouldn’t even talk to me.  He said he wants nothing to do with me and for me not to text or call him .   I told his cousin to please talk to him and that we need to work this ouT.  We were engaged!!!!!  I am so hurt !    I don’t understand how he could do this to me.   I tried calling and texting and I am blocked. He unfriended me on face book and changed his status to single.  I feel some of this is my fault.  I was upset with him about his job and him being with his friends more than me.  He is living at his cousins house. I have no way of contact him or his cousin.  His friend reached out to me and asked me if I was ok I said no. I explained everything and she said her and her husband will talk to him.  Sue tried to call him but he wouldn’t answer her call either.   I don’t understand how he can do this to me .  We were going to get married.  He was so happy. He said I was his everything and his first real relationship.  He said he never was in a serious relationship like this.  He was so happy with me.  I don’t understand.   I’m  devastated.   I miss him and want him back. I sent him a lengthy message on instagram but I don’t know if he saw it .   I love him so much.  I just want him back.

Honey Blossom

i highly doubt she will be at any functions,

HoneyBlossom

She never got in his phone because they actually met the first time that night.  He had drove to her house to pick her up.  So it was a first date for both of them. So not sure how she knew .  I know most I phones have a feature where you can share your location to the other person or to your friends.  And yes i agree it is stalking either way you look at it.

I am distancing myself from them.  This situation is hard because they are all like family to me since we are or were very close.  She is always there at every family gathering along with her parents and her daughter.

Helcat

Do i have a fear of being single?  Yes and no.  Yes because all my friends are either married or have boyfriends .   I don’t like to be alone.  I have family and my children but it’s not the same.

As for dating :    Dating sucks.  I get told I’m so pretty and sexy and have a wonderful personality and very smart.  I always ask if age matters and they say no why would it  .  I also get told I look way younger than I am.  A lot of men in their 30’s tell me they like older women vs younger.  Then when I do find someone and we hit it off , after few months or so they slap me in the face and decide they don’t want a relationship or whatever their excuse may be. They tell me I’m such a good person .  Well if I’m all of these….. then what is the problem?  Why can’t they just commit if I’m such a good fit for some of them?  I am not fake , not that high maintenance, I am not like other women and I’ve been told that too.  And I’ve been told it’s not me , it’s them.  What is their problem?   And yes I’ve dated men my age and I swear some are worse then the younger ones.
So yeah ….. dating sucks at times and I just wish I can just find someone who will just stay and wants an actual real relationship.

update:   this was our convo.  It is quite lengthy and I need guidance.  Im so heart broken over this.

So this morning i texted him.  I said my usual good morning and hope you are having a great day. Then he didn’t respond.  I then texted him  How are you doing today.  He replied : Annoyed and depressed.  I asked “why are you annoyed and annoyed about what sweetie”.  He replied “I just wanna be left alone” I asked him “what do you mean by left alone”  He said “just left alone”.  I asked him if I annoyed him.  He said “by everyone”.   I replied “I care thats why I text you”.  Then he said “Its probably best you find someone else”.  ME: i dont want anyone else.  I refuse to give up on you”  HIM: Its over.  ME:  Don’t do this, we can get through this, you told me you loved me, that  i was the best thing to come into your life, you would never hurt me or break my  heart, wanted a future with me.  HIM:  I can’t  ME: I don’t understand how you can just give up on us so easily on a a great person who loves you, stand by you during your ups and downs, has your back, support you, willing to have a future with you, willing to be with you regardless of your depression and your other issues.  We both made each other very happy.  Please think about this and don’t let me go or us go “.  HIM:  its better for us both trust me    ME:  why do you say that, is there someone else, will you ever come back to me?   HIM:  I wanna be alone   I asked him if he would ever date me again.  He said in a relationship no and wants to be alone.  Then he changed his mind and said he has no idea and best thing is to see other ppl and I told him I understood that and I only want him .  He said he doesn’t think he wants a monogamous relationship.  I was bawling my eyes out like a darn baby.   IT hurt so bad to hear that coming from him.  I feel like an empty shell.  I told him not to forgive up on me, and he told me it wasnt me and how our convo was stressing him out and its the last thing he needs.  I told him I loved him and always will and we agreed to be friends for now and we will see about hanging out.  He said he’s just not meant to be monogamous.  Then i said ” OK fine.  Someday you will look back on us and will eralize you let a great person like me go.  You will miss me and you will think you dont now, but you will miss me as I will miss you terribly. But we can be friends and Im ok with that.  I love you.  Have a great Day!”   No reply back.  I have not texted or called him since.  Does he even realize what he has done?  This has to be hurting him too.   I still can’t wrap my head around all this and what happened. I blame his mom. Something triggered his depression after that horrible morning/day .   I love him and wish none of this happened and I wish he will get his head straight and realize what he has done to me and our relationship.

Hi HoneyBlossom

he too became instantly attached.  He too moved very fast into this relationship.   He also suffers from overthinking and I do to.  I’m 48 and he is in his 30’s.   It is emotionally draining me. I am anxiously attached .  I keep looking at my phone and I keep looking on fb messenger to see if he’s online and he will be online and then I think if he’s online then why can’t he reply to me. He isn’t very active on fb. .
i will have to read those articles you have mentioned.

Hi Anita
I was never neglected or rejected as a child.  I came from a very loving home.
my question to you is how do I go about talking to him to get him to open up to me without me coming off as annoying and without pushing him away.  I want to help him.  I do truly love him and care about him.  I want him to get closer to me again.  I’m just numb and don’t know how to understand any of this.  I don’t understand how a person can go from wanting  a relationship to not being sure of wanting one in a matter of seconds and being depressed.