update

Anita,

Since my last post a lot has happened.   Within the past months, my ex the one who left me moved to florida.  Well he came back.  We reunited on August 19th, 2022.  He told me he came back for me.  He couldn’t stop thinking about me because had too many memories with me and no matter how hard he tried to forget me .  He couldn’t.   So, that same day we both never wanted to be apart . We got our marriage license and we on Sept. 6th, 2022 in front of a judge.   He apologized for everything.  We found an apartment closer to the city and moved in together.   We set a wedding dinner date 20 days later with all his friends and my family at a nice restaurant.   Now here is  or was a problem that i did not like.  The day of our dinner , we had to go to the air port to pick up a friend of his.  He had failed to tell me that his friend was a she and that they had been friends for a few years.   I did not like this.  She lives in another state.   She seemed nice. She is divorced and has several kids.   So we were kind enough to set her up in a hotel for the night and take her back to the airport the following morning.   My husband failed to tell me that he asked her to come and help with the dinner .    We arrived at the restaurant that evening.   Everything seemed fine.   Guests were arriviing, food was being served.  But here is when the problems started.   My  husband never hardly sat down.  He was too concerned about the food being brought out, which i understood.  But that was not the problem.   The problem was his friend.   She kept following him around like a little lost puppy.   I was by that point getting irritated.  In his culture i guess the groom stands outside greeting guests.   So i kept going outside and telling him to come in. She was out there too greeting guests.  Few of his male friends were out there and they were all talking.  I asked why is everyone out here when you should all be inside.  She said it is custom for the groom to greet the guests.  I said well shouldn’t I have been informed by all of this?  She said my husband should have told me.  I said well you all need to come inside because thats where our guests are.  Then i turned to her and right infront of his friends outside I said ” Who do you think you are standing out here with my husband when i should be here? Who’s wedding dinner is this?  Your’s or mine sweetheart?   I suggest you go inside and sit and mind your own business and let me and my husband handle everything. NOT YOU!”   His friends mouths dropped and he said ok lets go inside.   So she sat beside my mom and did not move the rest of the night.   I was fuming.   Then he went to check on the food and i followed.  My face was beat red.  He asked if everything is ok.  I said no.  I told him I do not like what just had happened and she needs to stay out of everything because right now I am so upset and could cry.  He said for me to calm down.  Then everything was ok after that.   We cut our cake, danced, took pictures and she stayed away.   The next morning we picked her up at the hotel and drove her back home to her state .   My husband and I got a hotel there in that state becuase we wanted to see some sites.    So we stopped at a rest stop and he got out.  It was just me and her in the car.  She puts her hand on my shoulder and said she and my husband are just friends and for me not to be jealous.  I said oh no im not jealous.  I just protect what is mine and for her to take her hand off my shoulder.  I told her I did not appreciate anything about what happened at our dinner.   So he got back in the car.  We drove and dropped her off at her place .   Then we left and went to our hotel .  We stayed for a few days sight seeing and had a nice time and came home.    Everything was and is still going great except for a few minor things.   We were out and about one day and she happened to call.  I heard the conversation.  She asked how he was and she has not talked to him in a while .  He told her he is out with me. She was asking him to help her find a place for her friend to live in our city.  Oh that rattled my nerves right there.   I said why is she calling and her asking you to help find a place for her friend is not your problem, thats their problem.  And when we got in the car i told him how i felt about her and how it made me feel.  I asked him to delete and block her from everything.  So when  we got home.  He handed me his phone and I did just that.  I deleted and blocked her from everything , including every social media and emails. I told him when i first met him i deleted all my male friend contacts becuase I want no drama period!  He agreed.

So few months passed.  I had access to his phone.   I went in one night while he was asleep and deleted all these old texts from women before me and blocked all of them and deleted their numbers.   He never noticed.    He has access to my phone and i hide nothing.  I know it was wrong for me to do that.    So things have been good .   Then he was accessing his phone in front of me and he changed his password.  I asked him why.  He said “too many ppl know it”  I looked at him with a puzzled look.  He never answered my question.   I told him not to hide anything from me.  He said he isn’t.   Then i found some texts on his apple watch in his language.  I can’t tell if the number is female or male.   I tried to translate, but some doesn’t make sense.    Am i being over dramatic ?  He tells me all the time he loves me and im his world and when we aren’t together he misses me.   Why do I feel the way I do?   Ive been so hurt and traumatized in the past from men ghosting me, cheating on me, etc and its effecting me even now that Im married to my husband.   Do I talk to him about how I feel?

Hi. Helcat

He was the one pushing nikah which i was taken by surprise .   But it wasn’t for sex at all.  It was not like that. It was so he could live with me.  We did love each other very much.  I think he still does .  I am so confused .  I have never in my life had an ex that wanted to be friends with me except for my ex husband from a previous marriage  who i have children with.   But yes i will find out what his true intentions are.  Who knows, he may be confused himself too.

Hi Helcat

He pushed for it.  In his culture if man and woman feel right about their love for each other, then why wait.  Which is true.  But i have been in traditional relationships before this and none led to marriage.   I tried to slow it down but then i realized i did truly love this man with all my heart and soul and it felt right.   But if he wants to take things slow since we are in different states in which i have no idea how that will work unless he moves back or i move there, then im willing to do that.  That is a lot to think about.

Anita

Update:

Two days ago, I had reached out to my ex fiance one last time.  The only place he did not block me I found was Instagram messenger that was connected to my fb messenger.  He had sent me a funny meme 2 months ago while we were still together and I had kept it there.   I called him on that messenger.  I hung up.  Then few seconds later he replied with a question mark.

Our conversation went like this:   I said Hi How are you?  .  Him: Im okey how are you.  Me: Are you out working ? Him: Yes, how are you?  .  Me: Im really not ok.   Him: ! why.  Me: Do you miss me? .  Him: No.   Me:How can you say that?  Him: Please I no want broken your heart.  Good Luck Jeni.   Me:  You did .  You hurt me so bad.   Him: Take care of yourself.  You nice girl, a nice man  a nice person will come in your life.  Me:  Then why did you leave me if Im all that.  I loved you! You left me so heartbroken and empty.  Him: Im sorry.  You have so nice life.  Me:  How could you do that to someone you loved?    Him: I No have good life, Im sorry. I no can give you a good life I don’t want us to stay anymore together. I don’t wanna break your heart.

Me:   Why did you do this.  You wanted al of it with me and then to leave me like you did.  Thats not love.    Him:  ok. sorry.

Me:   You don’t hurt the ones you love no matter what.   Him:  Ok.  Me:  I miss you ok. And I keep hoping you will come back.  Him:  Im sorry im not still anymore in (our city).  Me:  Where did you go    Him:  Im in Florida.    Me: I had a feeling you had moved there.   Him:  If you want text me still friend.  If you not want to text me, its ok too.   Me: How can I when Im blocked.

Him: Im  open.  I know can stay anymore in (our city).   Me: I tried calling you several times.  Is that why you left me so you can go to florida?   Him: Not call me now, Im not ready to talk to you.  You nice girl , you have nice family, I respect everybody. Please forget me.   Me:  How can i forget you.  You will always have a place in my heart.  I wanted nothing more than to be your wife so much.  I wont forget you.  Please tell me the  truth.  Why did you leave me?   We could have talked about everything.

Him: Sorry. Take care yourself.   Me:  Did you love me? Please tell me the truth.  Did it hurt you to leave me like you did?  Him: Sorry.    Me: Anyways I guess it doesn’t really matter now. I wish you the best babe.  I will miss you so much.  Just know that I truly deeply did love you unconditionally.  I still do love you.  You meant everything to me.  Through the pain and the tears after you left me….I still do love you and will always miss you.  You will always have a special place in my heart.    Him: ok. (and a prayer emoji)  I know cant say nothing sorry good luck.  I gave you everything so nice.  God give you everything so nice.

Me:  Thank you.   Him: You are a nice person when you’re a nice girl you want a good life.  I no can give you a good life.  I think you will find normal guy start love different person different guy.   Me:  I don’t think I can for a long time.  You really made an impact on me and my life.  I fell in love with you instantly and your culture. Everything!! I don’t think i will ever love another man like i loved you in a very long time.     Him:  ok. Take care of yourself. Be careful ok.  Me: ok . You too sweetie.  Please keep in touch with me ok.  Him: ok.

That was the last conversation even though his english was broken..  I have some closure.  But….I never cried so hard in my entire life.  He really impacted my life.  My heart is still heavy with sadness.   I miss him so damn much it hurts.   He is now in another state and there is nothing I can do about it.  There was nothing I could have done to stop him from leaving me.  I know deep down he misses me and loves me but didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to break my heart any further than it was already.

I guess Im not meant to be loved or to be with anyone.   Everyone tells me to move on, forget him.  I just wish someone would explain it to my heart.   Im completely heartbroken.    I still cry a lot  I cry in the car when our songs come on, I cry at home, i cry after i get to my car after work,  I try to keep it together at family functions and when i go out with friends.   I am a complete mess.   People keep telling me it was too fast, it was only 3 months together.  Yes that may all be true, but if both parties feel it is right , why not.  Life is short.    But those 3 months we were each others everything, inseperable basically.   We loved each other soo much, but he loved me enough to leave me because he felt he couldn’t provide for me and give me the life I deserve.   I will miss him forever .

Hi Anita

I am doing ok. I still have my days and moments where I just get depressed and start crying .  I keep asking myself why did he do this to me or how could he do this to me. I miss him terribly.  I go for long walks to try to clear my head .  But the memories of us just come back. Especially at night.  The nights are the worst. I thought about going on anti depressants but I don’t want to become dependent on those.  My friends and family keep telling me to move on. But how can you move on when your have experienced something like this.  It’s very difficult.   I keep wondering what he’s doing or he’s probably with someone else now.  Thinking that hurts me more.  I loved him with everything I had .  Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.  I wonder if he thinks of me too.
my friend tried fixing me up on a date.  I couldn’t go through with it.  The feeling wasn’t there.  It didn’t feel right to me to be on that date. So I cut it short. I came home and cried.  Will i ever go back to being myself before i met my ex fiancé ?

Anita

im still hurting deeply.  I’m down 11 pounds from not eating much.  I can barely think .  I work in the medical field and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on my job.   My co workers have noticed a change in me. I was once bright and bubbly. Now I’m a walking empty shell looking sad and not caring about anything anymore.   He really hurt me.  I can’t stop thinking about him and how much I want him to come back.  I can’t even get a hold of him.  His phone is shut off because my friend tried calling from her number and it went straight to voicemail on several different occasions.  He made a new Facebook account and it showed up on my feed.  I am not blocked from it.  I just want to reach out to him one last time.   If he didn’t live with me or we weren’t engaged or got “married” , it would have been easier I think.  I wake up hoping he would be beside me.
His one friend who owns a Turkish restaurant invited me there soon to visit her and her husband.  But I feel I can’t go because we went there a lot. It would be too painful for me.
I still can’t understand how he can just pick up and leave me like this without talking to me face to face like and adult and talking things through .   I keep wondering if he will ever come back to me or even misses me.  It just hurts .

Anita

yes it’s true I can’t make this up even if I tried