Anita,

Since my last post, a big huge thing happened.   First I need to back track a little bit.  Two summers ago, my brother his wife, and her sister all went in together to purchase an above ground pool.  Since my brother’s back yard isn’t flat, they all decided to have it installed at his wife’s sister’s house since her yard is flat.   Ok..so no big deal on that end.   My sister n law invited me and my 2 grown boys who are 20 and 24 over to swim and to have a cook out a week ago.    I said ok fine and I will bring a covered dish.   I knew her sister and that obnoxious boyfriend of hers were gonna be there too.   My brother’s 2 girls were gonna be there along with my nephew and his girlfriend. Ages 13-18.   My sister n laws mom was there also.  My husband had to work so he could not go.   I figured it will be nice to swim and enjoy everyone’s company and have fun since it was a very hot day.  I had arrived with my youngest son and my oldest arrived a little later.   When I arrived there was adult beverage bottles and cans all over the pool deck .  All the adults were drunk including my brother.  And when I mean drunk…I mean drunk!   I do not drink because I live the furthest away. So I just ignored it all and swam and talked to my nieces and the rest of the kids and my sister n law.   Her sister’s bf started to be very obnoxious and loud.  Lots of profanity.  No one likes him except my brother.   Well, all of a sudden my sister n law told him that she will never swim in his pool because he had said he swims nude and who knows what he does in there.   Well that conversation turned into more profanity and perverted remarks about penises .   He directed that coversation to my youngest son who is 20.  (I get it….all kids no matter what age are subjected to some form of  profanity or they look stuff up, talk about it amongst their friends etc.  We all did at that age.)    My son can’t stand this guy at all.  I had made the motion the bf to knock it off because it was becoming annoying. He eventually did.   My son mumbled f-you to the bf several times.   I had told my son to be quiet, but he doesn’t care.  He is like me in so many ways.   Anyways….I was annoyed because my 13 year old niece was in the pool and my sister n laws mom was getting irritated.   And noone would say anything to this guy.    The guy has no respect towards women or towards the kids in the pool.  Noone wants to hear that when you and others are trying to enjoy yourself.   The guy kept telling my other niece to get him another drink and she did.  I told her that she didn’t have to get it and that he should get it himself like the other adults are.    Well that didn’t fly over too well either.   Then I got out of the pool because my mom had called asking if I was stopping over later to get something.    My mom heard this guys mouth and was getting pissed because the youngest grand kid (my niece) shouldn’t be listening to all that and for my brother to tell this guy to knock it off.   I was telling her what was going on.    Then I hung up with her.   Then my husband called but I didn’t tell him what was going on until later.    My oldest son and youngest son had left because they had plans with their friends later on that day.   I was sitting on the deck and out comes my sister n law’s sister out of the house yelling….”I’m sick and tired of all the comments being made about Mark (her bf’s name) and telling him to f off.   I’m tired of people telling other people what is going on here on the phone”.   I was like wtf….and was like who over heard my conversation and had the nerve to tell her what I was saying!    Then shit hit the fan!  My brother started yelling at me, then her bf started saying he didn’t care who likes him and if I had a problem with him.  Then it got worse…..he wouldn’t stop screaming at me and I told him to go f off!    Then he comes charging out of the pool onto the deck and in my face screaming at me acting like some tough ass!   I kept telling him to get out of my face and that i wasn’t afraid of him.    I told him to go f off and that he was a drunk ass piece of shit with no respect to those around him and my brother just stood there letting this happen.   Then my sister n laws sister told me to f off bitch and told me to get the f out of her house and told me and boys to f off!  I told them all they could go f off and gathered my things and left!     The sad part was my brother just stood there…..not saying a word and not sticking up for me.   My sister n law was in the house when all this happened.

I called my mom on the way to her house crying.  I told her everything that happened.   My parents let my brother have it!   Why did he step in…because who knew what could have happened…that guy could have punched me because who knows  how people get when they are drunk.    I blocked all the adults there on my social media accounts and from my phone including my brother.  My husband even called my brother asking him why he didn’t protect me or stand in between that guy and me and if he was there, my husband would have killed that guy because my husband is a professional mma fighter.    For someone to tell me and my kids to f off, that’s telling my whole family to f off and I will never in my life forgive someone like that.

The next day…my brother was trying to call me and couldn’t get ahold of me because I had him blocked per my mom.  So I unblocked him enough to call him back.   He wanted ME to apologize for what had happened.  I said no why should I.   I told him after that pos charging at me like that and his gf telling me and my family to f off…..I am not apologizing…….I told my brother if he wants to associate with drunk ass pos like that and let someone like and to talk like that in front of kids and have no respect……thats on him.  I also told my brother if he wants to stick up for people like that..thats on him.   He said he isn’t sticking up for them.  I told him he is and its pretty sad that he couldn’t stick up for his own flesh n blood.   He said if we all would just get to know this guy and that he is actually a pretty nice guy and thats just the way he is.   I said nope!!! Not ever!!!!!!!!     He then went on saying that his wife’s sister didn’t mean what she said.  and I told him I call bs on that and that she meant it!   I told him don’t expect me and family to ever come around ever again and if those 2 will be there , we will not.   He kept saying how its putting a strain between everyone and he even want my son to apologize for telling that guy to f off…. I said no way in hell will my son apologize and my son said he will not. I was also told to stop acting like I am better than everyone, which I don’t act like I am and I am not by any means.      My parents told me not to apologize and for my son not to apologize.  If anything, they owe us an apology!!!!!!!   My parents told my brother that they will not be at any picnics or get togethers if those 2 will be there.  If they are there, my parents will not not go.   No one in my family likes that guy and my sister n laws sister.  My aunt and uncle do not like them either because of the way they act.   Few of my friends told me not to apologize because I am the only one in the family with a back bone and will stand up for myself and my family and that I had the balls to say stuff!   And the bad thing is that my brother works with this guy!

I made amends with my brother and his wife, she had nothing to do with what had happened.   I told my brother that I will not back down nor apologize and he needs to respect that.  I also told him I have no respect for people like that, if i don’t like something i will say it .  I also said that I am sick and tired of people to tell me how to act, how to feel, what to say and what not to say and that i am tired of getting jumped on for standing my ground and standing up for myself and to stop treating me like a little kid!!!!!!     I also told my brother how no one really talks to my husband and how my husband is tired of feeling like no one likes him because he is not from this country.   I told my brother he bleeds the same way we all do!!!!!! And he is a part of the family and his brother n law!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                             My nephews graduation party is today and I am only going for him , my brother and his wife.   My family will be there except for my kids because they chose not to go.   From now on we will only be attending, graduation parties , birthday parties, and holiday get togethers.   I know those 2 will be there and we will just act like they don’t exist.    I know word has spread on that side and i am sure that some of their friends know.   I have a feeling i will be getting talked about and getting the stink eye the whole time we are at the graduation party.

Am I the bad one for saying what I said and saying what no one else has the nerve to say to people like that???    Should I apologize?   How does one deal with a situation like that?    I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Update:

And the saga continues.  Two weeks ago my brother had a birthday party for my niece. Everyone was invited.   We were all there except Amy and her bf.  My sister n law said she had texted her earlier that morning asking if she was coming. No response.  Then right when we were getting ready to eat,  Amy and her bf walk in.  Me and my family were in the living room along with other guests, and Amy walked past us and did not say one word and made her way into the kitchen with her bf who is a drunk all the time, to talk to her sister and then made her way to the dining room table and sat there.  Not once did she say anything to us.  Even her sister and their mother made a comment saying how unsociable she has become .  I whispered and told them, I will not text or msg her and i think its very rude and selfish of her not to say HI to me or my family or some of the guests.  I also said ever since she got a bf, she has pushed everyone aside.   Me and my family left after the birthday cake was served.  As we were walking out, she said something and i completely ignored her and left.

Then, today I saw she posted on face book a meme saying “I would rather paint the house with a q tip, thank worry about who is not talking to me”.    I knew that meme was geared towards me.   I didn’t respond.  How childish and petty.  And of course there were people commenting.  She is always drama drama drama.  If its not about her, she doesn’t care.  Her sister is the same way.   I am to the point  that i just need to let it go.  But it is hard , especially when your brother is married to Amy’s twin sister and Amy and her bf are at every single family function.  Which makes it uncomfortable knowing how she is.  And I cannot go to any of the functions because thats the only time I see my nieces and nephew.      The only option I have is just to ignore her.   And for her to post memes like that on facebook….she needs to grow up!

My brother is having fathers day dinner at his home.  I am hoping Amy and her bf will not be there.  Amy and her sister’s dad past away earlier this year.   If she isn’t there, then i will talk to my brother on how to deal with this situation, which is childish and petty.

Hi Anita

All is well here.   Well, kind of.   Things have gotten better, he isn’t working long hours and he is home more. We still try to spend as much time as we can with each other  .  He will come home early and tell me he missed me.   He still is the very affectionate, attentive, loving husband.   I no longer spy on his phone much.   Sometimes I will get into it and look around.  I did, however, find a girl on his instagram that sent him a message asking him if he was single.   He never replied to her.  I send a brief msg telling her not to contact him again and that he is married.  I deleted and blocked her from his account.

Fast forward, now that tax season is here.  We owe quite and amount of money to pay for taxes.   We filed jointly.  I come to find out the reason why is because he never saved receipts and his UBER company never  took any taxes out .   Now we are struggling to come up with this money.   I tried to explain to him how taxes work.  He didn’t understand but agreed to help pay .

He also purchased a second vehicle for work so he won’t put any extra miles on his other car.  Now that is an extra money he is paying also.   I was mad at that.   No because of this, i feel we are financially strapped.   He does things without talking to me first about it.   He just does it.   I had talked to him about my concerns.   He said he knows he shouldnt have purchased this extra vehicle.  Now its too late!   I actually had to sit him down and go over all of our finances.   I now feel like i have to get a second job !!!!!   He’s been in this country for 6 years and still doesn’t understand our tax laws and finances.   I am literally sick to my stomach about all this and I don’t know what to do !!!!!!!!

I meant contact my husband.  Lol not co fact 🤦🏻‍♀️

I want to stop spying but when I get a gut feeling I go with it.  I told him in the beginning not to do anything that would be suspicious.    And when I met him I deleted and blocked all my male friends  and I told him I expected the same cause I saw what it can do to a relationship from past experiences with my friend’s relationships with their husbands and boyfriends and it wasn’t good.     So how do I approach this ?

Hi Anita

i am having major trust issues.   I feel like I only trust husband only 85%.   I saw his new passcode when he was getting into his phone.   I know the code to his Apple Watch.  And I go into that daily  while he’s sleeping.  Some of his numbers don’t have names and I ask him about those and he tells me they are guys which happens to be true because he will call them and his friends answer. The other morning I came across a number I didn’t recognize on his watch.   I screen shot it with my phone along with the texts that were in Turkish.  There was an instagram photo of a woman that was sent my husband.   There was no mention of the woman in the conversation.  I translated every thing via google translate.  So I called the number later during the day and a man answered.    Why a picture of this woman was sent, I have no idea.  I confronted my husband last week about who’s numbers are those etc. he told me he is not cheating cause he doesn’t want problems or drama and he loves me too much cause he respects me and I’m his wife etc, and for me not to question him again.
So this morning I went on his watch again .  On his fb messenger I found a msg from December. He msg some girl over his country “Hi”.  She didn’t respond.  I went on her fb page and she is single.  Why he would do that I don’t know and I’m so suspicious now of everything.    While he was sleeping I went into his phone and deleted her and blocked her from messenger and Facebook.    Why is he doing this?  He tells me I’m his everything, his best friend, his love . I went as far as looking at his contacts.   I know people delete conversations so I have no clue if there is anyone else.   How do I approach this to him ?   He will get upset if I ask him again .   He always tells me he doesn’t like secrets……. But yet why was there a msg there to this woman ?  He doesn’t like it when I keep things from him and he always asks who calls me or texts me all the time.   I don’t know what to do!

Anita

Hi. Merry Christmas!   I am doing well.   I do have a few things to figure out about some things.  But they will have to wait until after the holidays.     Have a Merry Christmas and Happy new year!

Hi Anita

i didn’t even ask him who that number belonged to because that person happened to call while we were in the car together and it was a male friend of his.   I asked him who was calling and he didn’t want to tell me at first.  I said you always ask who is calling or texting and fair is fair.   So he told me it was his male friend.
I just hate feeling so Leary when his phone rings or gets a text.   I hate feeling the way I do and I don’t know what to do about it.