You’re right Anita. Failure in the past has made me believe and think that it’s wrong to need love. I have got used to provide everything by myself so much that it feels wrong to be needing love. And so I consider it as a weakness because I know I cannot live without it. I feel like begging to the person in relation. Probably if it is the right person, I won’t get that feeling.

For now, it’s getting difficult to focus on my career and goals. When you get hit at heart, your mind stops working. I feel low or stressed most of the times. I came to spend few days with my family. It feels better here but I know what it will be like the moment I go back.

Thank you, Anita, for being there! Kisses and hugs!

Well, I want a man who would be caring, respectful, has similar likes so that we enjoy doing things together. (Shit, I liked him so much. He would play with me, do everything with me. He was in love. But alas, it had to end). Sigh! Anyways…

I want to create good memories, more and more good times.

Someone who’s been successful in his life, knows what he wants and works towards it. Honest, straightforward, no mind games, believes in live and let others live.

More to come…

As of now, my state of mind is: I know I want to be loved by someone in a relation.

Will it ever happen? Or will I wake up everyday alone? Will I ever get a worthy person to share my life? 🙁

I live alone, and I got nobody to listen to me or hug me.. It’s tough!

I agree on all the differences you mentioned between ex-husband and this man and the reasons to be with him.

From my perspective, I knew that if we are compatible enough, we will get emotionally involved. But I wanted to try it out with basic needs I had initially. And since I was out of a bad relationship, I was aware I need to pull back the moment it makes me suffer. So I went ahead and gave it a try. The bad side of me is until I try I don’t realize how it will end up. I knew the feedback from everyone here on the post is valid but it wasn’t fitting my mindset then.

And being a woman, I do get emotionally involved pretty soon. Having said that, it should also justify the pain it gives. If the pain is more than the love you receive, it sends an alarm as to if it is really Love?

And well, although he was honest with me, on one hand he said he loves me, on the other hand he lingers to make an effort to change the situation. It doesn’t gel, does it? Call it lame or coward, it is his choice of life and I disagree to continue like that. I deserve better.

Why was I hurt? Because if he didn’t say all the good words a person would say in a love relationship I could understand that it was all practical. Why would one say, you’re everything I want and yet not change anything. I wish I met you years ago, you’re too good to be true, etc. All these words didn’t match his actions. I’m not sure if it was his dishonesty but I guess a human tends to be selfish and he wanted best of both worlds at the cost of my happiness. He would feel guilty every night to be far from me, to see me suffering. What kind of love is that and what do I do with the pity or guilt?

Dear Anita,

Hope you’re doing well.

So the start of the relation was uncertain. I wanted to try out dating or a new relation after my divorce from an abusive husband.

And this man proved to be very respectful, absolutely non manipulative, took care of what all I would like, took out time to come and see me even if it’s for say 15 minutes. Basically, everything opposite of what I had in my marriage. And all his actions suggested he wants more than a sexual relationship. And we really had good times together. We both are introverts and like to enjoy each other’s company rather than being surrounded in a social gathering (which he missed to have in his marriage). He didn’t want kids but he wants to be a good father.

Companionship, is what we had. From morning walks, playing badminton, going out for meals to sharing the bed. Everything was good provided it was feasible for him to be away from home. He would see me once a week and spend time on Saturdays since Sundays he gotta be with kids and fulfill the responsibilities. Slowly and gradually, we would be together only if it was feasible for HIM. I started having more wants.

Couple of times, when I asked him what am I for him, he didn’t have an answer although he would say that he loves me. He even said that he won’t be able to come out of his marriage even though it isn’t working. I was badly hurt that day and chose to back off. Then he started making efforts to talk to his wife in order to come to a conclusion as to what they wanna do. They started having sessions with marriage counselor. He said he is serious about me. But of late, all this seemed to be a thing just to show to me that he is working on it. Give me time, is what he would say. Many other reasons including kids. And I became the secondary person. I would always be I guess. It got tough on me since I couldn’t call him when I needed to talk and stuffs like that.

I know that we got along really well and I also know that he loves me. But if he really did, he would act upon doing justice to everyone including his wife, kids and me too. Which wasn’t done. So the only person happy here would be him. He would get everything he wanted at the time he wanted.

He would say words like you’re always in my heart, which showed I will remain only in words! It pulled my self esteem down.

Since we were compatible to a great extent, it went further and we got emotionally attached.

It has given me a learning. A man who is bored of his marriage comes out only to have good times be it sex or companionship. If he really wants to break his non working marriage, he would first try to come out of it rather than looking for options outside. So, getting involved with a married man is a complete no no. You’ll only end up selling yourself short. It’s good to know where to pull the chain and pick yourself up. So I sobbed last couple of days, but I’m picking myself up. I hope he doesn’t come back to me. And even if he does, he better be sorted with his life first rather than pulling me in the jumble.

I tried to break many times and each time he came asking for time. This phenomena would not change. I would often end up suffering and making myself understand that he cannot do it for me.

Why would he come crying to me, rather he should go and resolve things at home, for everyone’s happiness.

Social responsibility, yeah it did bother me, then I thought if the father (who’s blood is running in these kids) doesn’t care about them, who am I to… Can I own all the responsibilities of the world? Or do I need to…

Web gypsy,
Thank you for writing in… My mindset is exactly what you described.. To not get emotionally involved. And I’m being very watchful of my steps.. I am certainly considering your opinion since you’ve been through it… I don’t wanna get hurt at any cost… I will soon take a call and keep posting here…

Thank you so much for your love and care. It means a lot!

My point is:

Why am I being held responsible for something that he has chosen to do. It isn’t me who’s cheating a partner!

He is looking outside marriage, because he is bored of it, and whatever reason… I never asked him to do so…nor did I know in the first instance about all this..

I don’t know about the advantages and disadvantages. What I do know is; I missed to have someone in the past two years.