It sounds very lonely. I was in a similar situation, but not as limited as yourself. At 17 I moved in with my boyfriend in another state. It was absolutely ridiculous when I look back at it now. I was miserable for a while, but learned to adjust eventually. We ended up being together for 11 years and eventually got married. In the end I felt insecure because I’d been so dependent on him for much of my life. We got divorced and I had to go down my own path before I could really learn about myself. I don’t know if this helps you, but that was my experience. On top of all that I too went through many depressive episodes. It wasn’t until I found a medication that worked for me, and stayed on it, that I felt like I could really see the picture clearly.