Hi everyone, sorry for the late reply.

I just wanted to check in and let you know that the wedding was FUN! ‘She’, or ‘IT’ was standing framed in the doorway as I arrived, but she looked rather sheepish and was quiet. On the way up in the car with my gay guys, one of them let it slip that due to his close working relationship with her that he would have to spend the day ‘pretending to be her best friend’. When I queried this, he said ‘That’s what EVERYONE does with her!’. So this in a way was the answer to everything (apart from your great advice here!)

As soon as she saw me, she threw her arms around me, saying how great it was to see me. Later in the day, she bought me a drink which I accepted because, let’s face it, it was the least she could do!!! We chatted as ‘normal’ and then later in the evening, she even arranged for me to get a lift home safely so I didn’t have to take the train. She was in the car on the way back and she took my hand and held it the whole way home. I was quite open with her and said ‘Look the thing is, I thought you hated me. The way you treated me when I worked there, I could never understand’. She said she was capable of being quite brash and that because I was a sensitive person, she found it hard to handle, but she never hated me or had any bad will against me. It’s just such a shame that her actions dictated otherwise and that such a big part of my life was taken up by her being in my head.

So I feel I can safely put her away now in the box she belongs. I have no desire to be her friend but I faced my fear and had a great day. I was one of the last ones standing too! Thank you for everything.

Regarding the autism, I will write down some of my symptoms as I’m pretty sure now that I fall somewhere between the autistic and aspergers diagnosis (not severe but somewhere there).

Thanks again everyone xxx

I wasn’t angry I guess just frustrated because I can’t have anyone defend her. She is a disease on the blight of humanity! Seriously, everyone seems to see it but they are all too worried about causing offence.

You see you hit the nail on the head – I thought you had to go to these things to have friends and be popular! I have 3 very good friends who I love and that’s enough for me, but only 1 of them will be there tomorrow.

I do worry I do have a form of autism, is that possible to be undiagnosed at my age?

I second what you say about the animals. I couldn’t survive without mine. They’re my whole world.

Hi everyone and thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I was nervous about logging back in because I am so scared of anyone thinking this is my fault but all your replies have been really supportive.

@anita – thank you so much and I’m sorry if I was upset the other day. My anxiety was really heightened the more I thought about her.

@sophie what you have said makes so much sense, but of course my scew-whiff way of thinking automatically assumes it’s me with the problem. I need to try to learn to flip that around.

@ nto thank you, I do try to be a nice person but sometimes think it would be easier to be a bitch.

What I’ve discovered through talking to two close friends is that this is causing me wayyyyyyyyyyy more angst than it should. I am HOPELESS in big situations like this and for day’s before hand (and I do mean DAYS), have myself whipped up into a frenzy about every possible likely scenario. I’m fine if my best friends are there, but when they aren’t it’s like literally walking into hell for me.

I am spending money I do not have on getting ready, hair, dress, tan, present and leaving myself very short for the rest of the month as a result.

Aside from this woman, I feel that I have something to prove. Because I am not good in social situations, I push myself out of my comfort zone to the point it makes me miserable. I do this all the time. I don’t know when I’m going to be confident enough to just say ‘no, that is not my thing’, but still have the person love me anyway.  I remember my favourite television actress saying once ‘I was afraid if I didn’t do this, nobody would love me’.  But she learned in time to love herself.

It’s a really awful way to be because I am literally counting down the hours until this is over. That’s how much I do not want to go, but how much I’m willing to put myself through so that my friend still loves and remembers me.

I am so under confident that I don’t even know what is an acceptable time to leave at as it starts at 12.30 and doesn’t end until 1 in the morning and the majority are all big party animals. I have to work the next day so how long should I stay for without feeling bad?

Because I am different, whether it be self esteem, aspergers or whatever, I build it all up so much in my head that afterwards it’s like an explosion of excitement and I start talking really fast to everyone, acting hyper and want to run away and do crazy things like book a holiday – all with the relief that ‘it is over!!!’ It’s like a massive weight has been lifted. Where everyone else is looking forward to the day, I’m looking forward to it being over. Everytime something like this happens, I think I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!!!  But I think this time it has to be it. I don’t know what I’m trying to prove to anyone. I just wish I could love and trust those around me not to abandon me because I am a bit socially awkward and to trust myself enough to let that be ok….

• This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Anxious Irish.

My best friend works with her and says she been threatened with 3 grievances due to her bad behaviour. He says NO ONE likes her so I’m inclined to think she’s there because people want to keep on her right side. She was not invited to the hen do and went MAD with anger over it.

ive spent the day in tears and feel so down. I’m frightened. What if she perceives me to be the fat and ugly person I see despite my efforts?

Im so sorry things like this literally mess with my head as I have a very strange view of good and bad, black and white. I am very sensitive to the point I sometimes wonder if I have a form of autism or Aspergers. It’s that bad. My friend has always told me how much she cares (she’s only 25 and I’m 43 but I don’t want this to turn into an age thing). The bully is 50. But I can’t understand why knowing what the bride knows this woman did to me, she’s invited her. It’s really hard to take in.