Hi Anita,

How are you doing? It has been so long!!

I apologize for just vanishing… I just had so much on my plate!

After I posted here, all of my 3 kittens fell severely ill. And one of them did not make it. He passed right in my arms. I felt him stop breathing and then his heart stop beating. I cannot begin to describe the loss and pain I felt. I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy. I lost a child that day.

After he passed, my other two were still critically ill and needed the utmost care. By God’s grace, they survived and are perfectly healthy and growing now (touch wood). The mother cat is fine as well. Her behaviour has drastically improved, and I will have her spayed soon. We are one knit family now. I love them more than anything. My mom has also become quite attached to them. Can you believe it?! She helped me with the kittens so much so that I would not have been able to look after them on my own, considering they needed to be kept warm with heatpads and needed their temperature checked every 2 hours. What a horrible time for us… But I’m grateful they’re okay…

You were right. I was severely sleep deprived and it took a toll on me. It is ridiculous how much self-doubt anxiety can instill in you. As exhausted, scared, and sleep-deprived I was, anyone in my position would have probably cracked. Let alone a person with disordered anxiety. Looking back, I keep patting my back for doing everything I could for my family. I know I did beyond my best. And the next time I face a difficult situation, I’m going to think of this time and remind myself of the courage and care I am capable of.

I won’t lie, I still sometimes reel thinking of that time; it was traumatic. And I have remind myself that it is over. I pray for my lost kitten and bring my attention back to the present.

About my mother, yes I still live with her. The week she was ill was difficult for me. Thanks to lack of sleep and the overburden, I was quite snappy. Because she was isloating, I had to serve her everything she needed. She could get really nitpicky, and it pissed me off. I snapped at her all the time and felt horrible about it later. She wasn’t a fan of the cats earlier, so that added to my worries too. Just a week ago, I had a horrible fight with her, where I told her I was done trying with her. That I have tried to reach her in every way I could, and failed. And so I now take a step back. I will no longer try to communicate. I guess that’s best for the both of us.

Enough about me. How are you doing? How is the pandemic situation where you live?

Hope to hear from you soon…

Hi Anita,

I apologise for not replying. I am not getting email notifications. I am doing much better with my IBS. The new doctor’s medications have helped greatly, and I even gained some weight. I have figured what helps me and what doesn’t. So far it’s going okay, even though I do have ups and downs. My anxiety is up and down too, and I do my best to manage.

I am now fully vaccinated, so that is a major relief. Things in India aren’t as good as we’d like them yet, but they are better than before. What with the Taliban taking over, I still fear for my country. But that is something I try not to dwell on.

It is so nice to hear from you. Always warms my heart. How are you doing?

Hello Teak,

Apologies for my delayed response. I have just been procrastinating to be honest. I hope you are safe and well, wherever you are.

I agree with your point that these “conspiracy theory believers” aren’t open to facts and science. I even know that they have limited to no understanding of biology. I feel it is their own fear acting up. This virus has caused havoc and devastation to such an extent that it is difficult to wrap your head around it. It is hard to believe that such a tiny thing, which isn’t even alive without a host, could cause the world to come to a pause. It is easier to wrap your head around these conspiracy theories, and like you said, the Internet provides you with information on whatever you want to believe.

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s lung condition. It must have been so scary for you. Is he vaccinated as well? My country just started vaccination for my age group, but we are facing shortages, so it is difficult to get an appointment, but I am trying.

Maybe you are right. Maybe it is my own fear of abandonment talking when I argue with these people. I cannot handle uncertainty too well too. But when it comes to these arguments, sometimes I think it is not just my fears talking. It may also be my scientific background. It kind of hits home when people simply refuse to look at and try to understand evidence. It may also be my arrogance, I guess. What do you think?

No, I haven’t lost any family to COVID (touch wood). But I lost my father when I was a teen, and my immediate family is just me and mom. I have no siblings. I lost all my grandparents after my daddy, and the family has just been getting smaller. So I am just terrified of losing any more family.

I do hope you are right about me not jinxing anything with prayers. The Help is one my favourite books and movies. Have you read/watched it? One of the main characters, Aibileen Clark, is such a peacefully godly woman, and she writes down her prayers every day. Inspired by her, I used to write mine too. I’ve always found that I communicate better with writing. (And my handwriting is pretty :D) Maybe I should get back to it. Paper could count as wood, right?

I hope to hear from you.

Hi TeaK,

Thank you so much for replying. This is the first time that we are interacting, so hi! 🙂

Thank you for your prayers. 🙂

I tried debating with some of my friends too. And would you believe that they said “Oh nothing really happens! It’s all cool.”? I don’t understand how people can say it’s all cool when millions all over the world have literally died. I have had these debates in person and on social media, and I just don’t get how people disregard safety to such an extent. My uncle, who’s a doctor, called this anti-social behaviour, where you just blatantly disregard the health of other people.

I have had discussions with “conspiracy theorists” online. This one girl kept sending me posts about how this whole pandemic is a hoax, and there’s an agenda behind it, and the RT-PCR test is inaccurate and should not be used. I told her to send me “credible” sources, and not posts from random people and pages. She still kept doing that, and not wanting to get into nonsensical talks with her, I said that none of this has been proven and is all theory. So till there is any strong evidence supporting these theories, she is free to believe what she wants, and I respect her right to her belief, but I am free to believe what I want. Yet, it did not end, and she continued sending those posts to me. I snapped and asked her again for “credible” sources. (I even felt like asking her if she knew the full form of “RT-PCR” and understood how it worked.) If I told her that if she drank pineapple juice on a full-moon night, she’d never get another pimple, would she believe me? People can write whatever they want on the internet, and a lot of it is pure crap. So it would be better if she did actual research. She got really really agitated and called me all sorts of things, calling me blind and telling me I haven’t done any research on this, and I just “act all smart”. That hurt my feelings, I won’t lie, and I just lost all respect for her as a person. I’m a person of science, with an advanced degree in biology. I have 4 years of research under my belt. It’s not much, but it’s more than most people. I know what I am talking about when it comes to science. Yet, I’m the arrogant and the ignorant one. ***sigh***

I agree with your point of viewing these people in a different light, and I too felt that they react this way because this pandemic is actually too much to comprehend. But it is fear-inducing and really irritating too to be honest when people start spreading misinformation. I had seen this video of a girl telling people to not cover their nose with the mask or “they will feel suffocated because of lack of oxygen”. She was also telling people to go out into the sunlight because the “virus does not survive in the sun” and it’s good to be around nature, despite there being no evidence whatsoever of sunlight killing the virus. I thought, “That’s swell. If you ever need surgery, we’ll have it in a park”. Several people corrected her and asked her to take the video down because it was misinforming people, especially those who were ill-informed. But she didn’t, and again, we were the ignorant ones. Now when it’s so very bad in my country, it annoys me to think of these people. I don’t blame them of course. They’re scared in their own way actually. But it is irritating.

People in my own building won’t wear a mask, despite there being cases in my building. I take care; wear 2 masks. Sanitize. Have a bath if I have been to the vet or the doctor. Even when I went to restaurants when they were open, I’d put my mask on as soon as I was done eating. I shouldn’t have gone to the restaurant in the first place, but I did maintain all the recommended precautions. But there’s only so much care I can take. What do I do when others won’t take care? It is a scary world. I am not afraid for myself. I am afraid of losing any more family.

This turned out to be longer than I’d expected…

Thanks…

Hi Anita,

It brings me comfort to know that I can safely unload here. It is very hard for me as I am very ashamed. I will try though. Thank you very much.

No this is the first time that I am hearing of Mark Williams, I think. But I will give it a try. Thank you so much.

Hope you are safe…