nono, he has been wanting to see me but due to his parents strictness and him working almost everyday AND the fact that we live an hour away from eachother now he wasn’t able to come see me as much as he used to when we only lived 10 minutes away. even last week he was explaining to me how being with me makes him the happiest. it’s just a very big switch up. but i really agree with what you said that he needs to figure things out and that i cannot change his feelings. for the past few weeks, i’ve been losing friends left and right and for a second i thought that he was the only one who was gonna stay but i didn’t put much thought into the fact that he’s still struggling with his own problems, and i know i am wrong on that part.

and about his previous relationships though, he said he does want to see them do good and to not be ruined by him but he didn’t see the beauty in them like he saw in me and didn’t let them in like he did with me so that sort of makes me feel like i do have a special place in him like he said he did. and even with his friends he doesn’t show them any of this side to them, and he even plans on leaving them too! it seems like he’s addicted to wanting to be alone but it’s only because he knows he’ll bring people pain as well as bringing himself pain.

he does mention how even when he lost feelings, he “still sees the beauty in me that he saw the first day he laid eyes on me” and to me it just sounds like he does still love me but just doesn’t want to hurt me anymore.  a while before me and him started dating officially he told me he wanted to kill all the hope of ever being together again because he didn’t want to be in any kind of relationship and didn’t want me to be lead on. and during this time, he was friends with my old friends and they told me how even when he’d deny the fact that he loves me he would mention me to any girl he flirted with and tell them that he’s not over me at all and he would sometimes just bring his friends a place with a view and just would cry over me and talked about how much he missed me but still he wouldn’t admit that he loves me. and even when this first started happening, he mentioned how during that time he was going through this same situation, losing feelings and not being able to remember them, so i’m getting a feeling like maybe this is just what he means by he’s willing to fight himself for me… but i’m not sure if i’m just lying to myself to make me feel better or if this is actually the case haha! i think i should talk to one of his friends who was there for him when he was going through this and see if i’m not just lying to myself. but i do actually plan on forcing myself to get a job now so i won’t suffocate so much by being home. thank you for your response btw!