Look forward to old age, because it will be the time when you can look back on your life and see why everything happened the way it did, and how it is all interconnected.

Indeed it would be nice to know that in the end, in the course of 30 or 40 years from now, this all would have a certain meaning. That there would be a reason for it that once I was brought to this world I was made the way I am. Currently it all feels like a burden, a weight I’m not able to carry. I only need to look to the world and it is easy to grasp that most of the people, religions and cultures don’t really accept me. Indirectly the world is sending me a message that I’m wrong. It is nothing that is smothered to your face first thing in the morning. It is realization that eats you up from the inside consuming you slowly but surely.

That is what makes us so unique and I think that is something we should try to appreciate. Life would be terribly boring otherwise!

I understand your point but comments like this usually make me feel like I want to scream. I don’t want to ridicule you or invalidate what you said. Thing is that it raises emotions inside me that it is really easy for “normal” people like you to say like that. Think about it this way. Imagine that you are a nice person with interesting thoughts, great sense of humor and people genuinely like you wherever you go. Add to this that although you seem to be like rest of the people you are not. Imagine that you find attractive candidates for relationships but you know that if you would show them how you really are these people would quite quickly run away from you?

If I’m dating someone I must stop it to protect myself. Unfortunately there is diminishing amount of people with whom I could really form a emotional-sexual relationship and it is because they would not want me the way I am.

On the outside I’m just a normal guy. I dress, act and live like any other guy would. But this is only the public “facade”, although it is also true, I’m not faking anything.

But in the private I’m different. My gender expression is different. I like to dress in women’s clothes sometimes and also feel feminine. But I’m not a woman and I’m not a man. I’m in between, sort of androgyneous person. My masculinity and femininity fluctuate. I have both sides and neither. This also affects my sexual tastes and preferences but this is not the forum to be more elaborate about it.

It is probably impossible to explain to people whose gender identity is normal?

And to make things crazier I’m still fully guy when I’m at job, with friends or in public and this is the way I prefer it.

I guess I’m quite brave person in a way but I can’t endure any more heartbreaks if I get rejected because I’m a “weirdo” and not a traditional man. Man like me with my qualities is not usually considered sexy or attractive by average women.

Sad but true.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Kundi.