Hello thefallenone,

I’m sorry this happened to you. It must be very difficult to go through this all by yourself. There are no perfect relationships, but long distance relationships are even tougher. I think it’s disrespectful that he cursed at you regardless of the situation. You did not have any physical relationship with these people on social network, so you are nowhere near being a prostitute. Besides, you haven’t even been physical with any men. I don’t think it’s kind to you to label yourself as a prostitute. I am wondering if you got closer to these men on social media because there was something lacking in your relationship? Is there something they gave you that was missing in your relationship? For example compliments, acknowledgement,time, communication, validation or even understanding? Sometimes when we are upset with ourselves we can project this onto others to hide our shame/guilt. It may be that he was already involved with this other girl and wanted out of the relationship so he made you feel badly about yourself.

It seems as if you haven’t had much relationship experience, so i’m going to tell you that this is how we learn. We make mistakes that we know not to make the next time around. When we get to the person who is deserving of us, we will be ready for an honest and mature relationship. We all make mistakes. We learn about health, science, and English in school, but nobody tells us about communication and understanding and the ingredients for a good relationship. I promise things will get better with time, just allow yourself to grieve the relationship. Be kind to yourself as these feelings subside.

Hello patientobserver,

It seems as if you have done a great deal of self-reflection. It’s great that you’ve found something you are passionate about (i.e. helping others). If you WANT to be single then that’s okay. There is something special about everyone, including you! I’m not convincing you to be in a relationship, just letting you know my perspective if you’re open to listening. What i’ve found is that physical appearences are completely subjective. While some consider one type of person attractive, another does not. Some people prefer brunettes over blondes, while others prefer red heads over brunettes. Of course, this is just an example, but i’m sure you are beautiful in your own way. Besides, once the attraction phase is over, what’s left is who the people are and what they have to offer other than looks. If you say you don’t find yourself attractive, then how will someone else? It’s difficult, but I think when we learn to love ourselves, then we learn to accept love from others as well rather than just giving. To need connection is part of being human, so it’s okay to get emotionally attached, but maybe try to keep some emotional boundaries and slow yourself down? I totally get confusing sexual attraction in place of intimacy. I don’t think I completely understand intimacy myself and I too thought I was being intimate when all I had was a physical relationship. Some degree of attraction is needed for any relationship, but maybe we should hold off on the physical until we can really get to know the person emotionally and see whether they are right for us?

I have had 3 disastrous relationships myself and have a dysfunctional family. However, i’ve learned that we don’t have to be whatever happened to us. We can learn to process those feelings and move on from them. The best way to understand and move on is to let yourself feel those emotions and then slowly let go of them. Seeking male validation and affection makes sense at least to me because we never got that from our loved ones, so we continuously try to find it even though it will never make up for what we never got in the first place. I’m 21, so I’m around the same age as you. After losing so many relationships and feeling so much heartache, I learned to slowly let go of things and love myself so that I can be happy. I hope what I said does not come off wrong in any way. I am just sharing some of my feelings on the pieces of writing that resonated with me. You’re still young and very smart and driven it seems, so don’t give up hope and just accept everything as it happens in the present. The 20s are for being single and finding yourself. 🙂

Hello Red Car,

If you are really unhappy and have considered quitting, then maybe you should look into what your other options are. For now, I would work on decreasing the feeling of panic by meditating or whatever else works for you. There are some great meditation techniques on google. Being in an unhealthy/stressful environment can increase our anxiety and decrease our confidence. Do not be afraid of the future because it’s uncertain, be excited for the possibilities. What if your new job is the best job you will ever have?

Hello,

I understand that it must be hard for you to worry about the future of your work as it is important to you. Because we can only change ourselves, we should work on that. People make mistakes like that all the time. It’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling. However, if you let the anxiety take over, then you will continue to be afraid of making a mistake and that may lead to another mistake. Just accept what happened and be confident in your work, that may make things better. Good luck!