Hello Snap38,

It seems like you’re going through a really tough time. You said, “I saw my friends’ lives that were going so well” and that made you feel so badly. The truth is that there are people who are better than us or worse than us in terms of life situations. Everybody has a different experience and most people are struggling with something even though it may not seem like it. We don’t know the underlying feelings of others because they portray a very “cool” and “easygoing” attitude, when in reality they may also be struggling. The best thing here is not to compare yourself to others, otherwise you will feel even worse about yourself.

Being away from home and family is so difficult, but we can do things to reduce the feeling of being alone and I urge you to look them up. I think it’s important to realize that the reason it’s difficult to do well is NOT because you can’t because you’re far from home. You are dealing with a lot of other things that you may have put off such as grieving for family..etc. It must also be difficult to lose family members while you are away from home. On top of all of that your parents lost their jobs. In reality, these are all things that are beyond us and we cannot control them. Things that we cannot control, we must learn to live with. The best thing to do is learn how to remain at peace. The external world is changing all the time. We must respond rather than react. Do you understand what I’m saying?

It seems as if you’ve grown apart from your friends from home and they exhibit very immature behavior. After you left home, you lost contact with them and things changed in your life and their lives as well. In these cases, you should cut them off and begin making new relationships. Just remember that hardships can help us change and become even better versions of ourselves. We can become conscious of our self and learn to prevent our emotions from controlling us.

Annie

Hello Chaitra,

I deleted my Facebook account about 2 years ago. About a week ago I deleted my online dating profile, Instagram account, snapchat and any other social networking account. I still use Youtube though. There are definitely times where I have missed out on things because I didn’t have a Facebook account. It wasn’t that big of deal and I don’t miss it. Honestly, social media can make you depressed and create a false sense of popularity or closeness. I met a couple people on the internet through a dating website, but it seemed like a lot of those people were lying. Of course, it was easier to lie because they were sitting behind a screen. However, in real life the moment you meet a person you can get a sense of what they are like. I feel much happier and in touch with myself leaving social media. When I’m bored I just read, come to tinybuddha, meditate, or text friends. I feel like my personal relationships have become stronger because I’m not wasting time talking online.

Annie

• This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Annie.

Hello Simon,

I’m surprised to find that you are inspired by Gordon Ramsay, but even more surprised because I know who that is. Haha You have mentioned some great qualities about him.

I’m inspired by my friend in college. She is on the rowing team as she has worked very hard at it being a walk on. She also works very hard in her academic life and is a good friend.

Hello Chris,

I do not think you should give her those gifts. Again, it will seem as if you are trying to win her affection and will push her away even further. It seems as if she is just stringing you a long at this point. She will respond sometimes and end the conversation or not respond at all. Someone who is interested in pursuing a relationship will be very open and honest, but maybe she isn’t very open? Be a better person for YOURSELF and if she comes a long then good and if not then you’ll still be okay. You talk about making “progress” and by that If I’m correct you mean more meaningful and emotional conversations? It has been two months and it seems as if you are the only one making effort. Remember, it takes two to make a good conversation. You can try as much as you want, but if she cannot or does not want to open up then you will not make any “progress”. Just give it more time and space and slowly remove things from your life that remind you of her. I think the best sign that one should move on is when words lose their meaning. Right now, you are sending her a lot of words and they do not seem to be effecting her. You are settling for having some space in her life rather than no space, so you continue to pursue her when she has made it clear that she doesn’t want to try. You are afraid that if you leave her alone she will forget you. I’m very sorry to have to be so blunt, but the longer you resist and keep trying the more it will hurt you. I went through the exact same situation.Life will go on and you will find love again.

Hello brownsky,

First, let me just say that you are not crazy. It seems that often times when we feel another person pushing us away, we want to hold on to them even tighter. You said “I chatted with for about 2 weeks before meeting in person” and then “from day one it was if we were meant to be. Everything was perfect with us.” It seems as if things progressed very quickly, however, when you broke it off she lost trust in you and your relationship.

You said that you felt like you didn’t deserve her or her kindness. A lot of these feelings are signs of insecurity. It may be that when you tried getting back with her, you came on too strong and tried to go back to the “old relationship”. Do you think that happened?

At this point, it seems as if you have made your feelings clear in a letter and have attempted to make contact with her to mend things. Just because she responded, does not mean she is interested in continuing any type of relationship with you. It may just be that she is being polite. If you really want my advice then do not buy her anymore gifts or shower her with your affection. It may come off to her as if you are trying to buy her affection even if that isn’t your intention. When she said she did “not want to try anymore” you should take her words for what they are. You may think that you can convince her to love you, but is that what you really want? Won’t it seem like she’s only with you because you convinced her rather than her affection for you? She also mentioned that she wanted space. You should respect her wishes. You have already expressed yourself multiple times, now, let her come to you. It may be difficult, but try to move on. First, cut all contact from her through messaging, social media, and even in person. Remember, this too shall pass, just be kind with yourself. Grieve the relationship and do things to keep yourself busy. Work on self-love and self-validation.

Hello David,

I truly believe that once we validate ourselves and become happy with ourselves we can be more compassionate towards others. The important thing is to really stay tuned to your inner self because only you can determine how much compassion you have to offer without it draining you. Sometimes withdrawing is our only option, but that doesn’t mean it has to be forever. Even withdrawing can have a different meanings for different people. For some it may mean to create emotional space so that you can be there for them without it bringing you down as well. For others it may mean complete withdrawal which includes physical and emotional space. When you can be centered with yourself and approach others out of love, then outside factors will matter very little or not at all.

I sure LOLed at spell caster. That became the key word I would look for when a post seemed suspicious. Haha