I’ve always felt the need to give someone an explanation as to why I’m ending my relationship with them but this is a unique circumstance…. I just don’t know what to or how… Should I do it in person? I feel more comfortable ending it over the phone.  Can I just say this is over? and then not give him an answer when he asks why?

I don’t know her at all which makes the idea of contacting her out of the blue all the more awkward and unnerving.

I just feel so sorry for her.  He really did damage to me emotionally and mentally.  More than I’ll even know until more time has passed.  I hate the idea of him doing this to another woman and while I can’t stop him forever and I can at least save one from his game.

Being with him was hot and cold.  I know now that the first three months of our relationship wasn’t meeting my ‘soulmate’ or ‘the man of my dreams’. He love bombed me.  Constant calls, poems, gifts, dinners, compliments. He made me feel amazing, like I was the most beautiful woman alive who finally met ‘the one’.

But then his nasty side starting coming out.  He constantly accused me of ‘cheating’ or ‘wanting to cheat’.  If I ever got a text from another man even if it was a coworker about something work related it was a problem.  He was very possessive.  Most of the time if he was angry about something I’d get the silent treatment.  When we started living together i began to feel more and more uncomfortable. If I looked at him the wrong way he’d accuse me of feeling a certain way.  He always ‘knew’ exactly how I felt he’d proclaim because he was seeing it with his own two eyes.  Most of the time it was a negative feeling he’d attach to me.  When i’d start to pull away he’d reel me back in with sweetness and apologies.  Sweep me off my feet all over again.  He’s tall dark, handsome and very hard to resist.

It got to the point that he was almost like a drug to me.  I never felt like this in a relationship before.  All I craved was for things to be good between us.  For the sweet side of him to come out.  His criticisms continued to get worse and more frequent.  At first it was just ‘your cutting the tomatoes the wrong way’ then to ‘you embarrassed me in front of my friend.  Why weren’t you more outgoing and friendly and fun?’

I don’t know…. he won’t feel any remorse ever but I hate the idea of another woman going through this if I could stop it…

Hello Anita,

I have not informed my boyfriend soon to be ex that I went through his phone and know this information yet…. I did this only last night.  As a result of our arguments over rumors of him being unfaithful we only just agreed to live separately a week ago to give ourselves some space to clear our heads and think.  But we are very much still together. He just got his own place but still has a key to my home and most of his things are still there…I see now that I’ve been duped for a long time by this man.  He has the perfect situation now to ‘play’ both of us.  I am certain that the message i received was not from this woman and that she has no idea of my existence.  I’d like to warn her before telling him I know about her because I know he will immediately manipulate and lie to her.  He may warn her with something along the lines of I have a ‘crazy ex’ who might try to contact you.  He is very smart and thinks ahead 2 or 3 steps in every situation.  He would definitely suspect I might contact her if I told him I went through his phone and saw the messages.

I want to warn her for two reasons.  I genuinely feel sorry for her and don’t think any woman deserves this kind of crap. The other is yes I’m very angry with him and he shouldn’t get away with this.