I personally think he is afraid because things were on the wrong track for him for so long when we were together which made him unhappy and made us unhappy.. so now jumping back into a relationship when things are going well, but not 100% yet could mean that things can go bad again

I will ask him tonight.

New update:

So, My ex boyfriend recently told me he loves me and that he realized he loved me when i walked out the door but because he wasn’t doing well himself he wasn’t sure if he could trust it but now he knows (he never told me while we were dating, but through his actions i always knew he did). We broke up because we were both just unhappy, we couldn’t figure out how we became unhappy or what got us there, we still loved eachother, it just wasn’t working for who knows why. It’s been about 3 months.

We talked about things, and we both have feelings, we both care and want to be in each other’s lives, but then he said: I can commit to just seeing you for now and be exclusive, get off dating sites and what not but I don’t want a relationship with anyone right now, not while things are on the right track for me.

I don’t know what to say or do. I am so scared, hurt, not sure if I can trust him? How can you love someone and not want a relationship with them? Deep inside i know he’s not going anywhere and he probably knows i’m not going to find someone else either anytime soon. But I don’t know if I should accept that proposal and see where things go, or demand a relationship and walk away again. We haven’t been on any dates or anything (just for coffee to talk about what we wanted). We haven’t slept together or anything like that, and i told him i wouldn’t for a while, but i’m afraid of being played or just an option for him and that it won’t last and we’ll just get hurt and break up again. I pushed for a relationship / marriage and the whole thing before and i’m not sure why, maybe to know he’s not going anywhere and that he’s invested? but I panic hearing i don’t want a relationship right now. Help! How do we move forward?

I went on a trip, and took a week off work to spend some time away from my city with family and in a different environment. I felt so much better, stronger and like he had less power over me. Now i am back, back at work and back in the same city and same apartment and I feel like it is all coming back, my fear is coming back, my inability to move forward and be reminded of him and just having him so close by. I feel like i’ve moved 50 steps backwards.

This week is his birthday. Last week, he invited me to his birthday party saying: ” I realize that the party invite came out of nowhere. I said I wouldn’t leave you out of things that so many friends are invited to. I would like you to come as a friend. If that’s weird, i understand. It felt like it may be weird to invite you and weird not to. So I Thought with an invite at least you can make your own choice.”

I will be attending the party because i’m tired of being left out of the friend group. However his birthday is on thursday and I will wish him a Happy Birthday via text.

I still have questions for him, like why did he text me that he went off dating sites and the never followed up?

What do you think, do you think I could text him and ask him this when I text him to wish him a happy birthday?

It feels like such a different world and life now, but still connected to him in some ways.

It means that i’m good at being in my own company and doing things on my own. I have an easier time shutting people out than letting people in, and when i let people in i let them in 100% so it hurts a lot when they leave. I have always had a hard time with the sense of belonging and fitting in.

I just went and had a look at my post and I remember now why I posted it. I was feeling stuck and unhappy in life and the last time i could remember being happy was with that guy and was wondering if it was worth taking the Tiny Buddha course to help me move forward in life and break some barriers. I did not want the relationship back, i just wanted to be happy and seeing him with another girl hurt a little that he had moved on faster. I no longer feel that way, i can be happy on my own without a guy. I am happy without a guy, yes there are hard days and yes i miss him, but i do smile and laugh and enjoy the little things in my life and i know what i want in life (at least in my relationships) and i know that I can’t get back together with my ex unless he has figured things out and he is investing and putting in effort. It’s just sad that it’s not happening for me right now.

I wasn’t really able to “picture” a future with him since his future is undefined. I just pictured us being together and supporting each-other no matter what happened. Sometimes i picture him joining the military and me moving and being there with him, but i don’t know if he’s joined the military or not. I just pictured us living together like we were, doing fun activities together and spending time  together, going on holidays, essentially keep doing what we were doing.

To be honest, i’m not experiencing many pleasant feelings. I mostly am experiencing anxiety and wanting to communicate/ see what he is up to and hear about him and get to know him again. It feels weird to have entire days/weeks go by with nothing. I interpret communication to group messages as being meant for me / a way to communicate with me. Creating new things in life, for example changing jobs and not telling him or not having him know is super weird and uncomfortable

If I am in a fantasy, it’s still anxiety feelings because it’s me wanting to hear from him, seeing him light up my phone, take me on a date and tell me that he wants to be with me.