” you don’t have to wait and ask for a dance from the mother of your babies, go find a partner that seems interesting and explore. You don’t have to have sex or become deeply intimate until you’re ready, letting it blossom naturally, and certainly not to be feared.” well said Matt, I both chuckled and got worried at the same time.. This is what i really want to do.. to meet people and explore, but my insecurities (much worse now) hold me back. and I am really trying to get “through” them. However, a part of me still wonders, how can you resist falling into the trap we call the infatuation phase/ the honeymoon period/ the love goggles/ le vie en rose ? physical intimacy follows and then am worried falling into this cycle of unhealthy attachment and co dependency, just as the last time ? other option is to wait till i am confident with my own self and then explore.. but that leaves me living like a hermit (which is where the original question of casual sex fits in) I , in my truest core, do not feel right doing this, but it still remains better than cheating on someone just because you were not brave enough to end it after getting intimate initially…

Thank you for the support and kind words.
Sherry: I cant tell u how many times I have thought of revenge, to bad mouth her and spread it around, to call her family who loved me once, and to really go upto that scoundrel’s house who did not think twice before doing this ( he really played with her head till she gave in, kind of emotionally raped her) and let him have it.. but I always thought of myself being a better man that that and am worried these actions will ruin my life and career, only sometimes it makes me feel like a lesser man and just decreases my self esteem down to the pits, feels like i was just this weak person who stood there and did nothing, accepted all those lies, all while trying to calm her when she d cry. I hate what i had become with her.
I am so insecure with myself, cant talk to any prospects any more, I think i am too scared now. Dont know if gender plays a role here, ie is this process different for a man than a woman, do and should men cope differently to these situations. Will try counselling soon, even though I thought I would be able to get over it with introspection. I still cry and scream and exercise and medidate, but havent seen a light in this tunnel yet.
My heartfelt gratitude for everyone’s replies, they really support the healthy part of the conflict in my head.