Hi Five to you @Jasmine-3 I hope I can repay you for your encouragement somehow anytime you need an outside perspective I am just and @ away!!lol You are so right hey at the end of the day life goes on and smiles still blossom I will not let my own insecurities control me one day at a time one heart beat at a time! Im looking forward to all that life has to offer Im singing the rest of my days are my best days and loving me along the way!!

Hey @Jasmine-3 I wanted to follow back up with you because you seem so genuine in your responses I also see your post to others and I really admire the perspective you put toward things. I did finally talk back to the guy I was telling you about he called me talking about how much he missed me and missed talking to me and it just seemed to him that I wasnt gonna ever call him or answer but we had a great conversation. He stated how he loves me and wanted to know if we could try again at whatever it was we had started. I told him I wasn’t sure but of course we could try I guess b/c honestly my heart still desired him and I couldnt shake him from my mind no matter how much I tried. So we talked for about three days and I went over to his place and unfortunately fell for the temptation of lust. I was upset with myself b/c I was going good and stated to him I was trying to save myself for my husband but when I am around him its hard for he and I to resist each other so its best we meet up outside the house but I did want him badly but felt like I gave in to soon yet again. I recently accepted a job offer in another city which is 5 hours away and he even stated he would come see me on the weekends but I knew that was a long shot anyway. He even asked me if I wanted to go on a cruise with him and his family next year and I said that sounded great but in the back of my mind knew it was all a long shot, plus his family and I have been knowing each other since I was in high school his cousin and I are pretty much best buds so I figured it could work maybe if the occasion really came to past.

I wanted to write you immediately and tell you how siked I was to hear from him despite me trying my hardest to move forward, but I also kept telling myself Angela take your time dont put no feelings in to quick cause actions speaks louder than words.

So as quickly as things came was as quickly as it ended. He had a rough day one day and informed me he would call me back so I was like ok. The call never came and I even called him but no answer this was before midnight that same day. So I got upset b/c Im like I understand he had a rough day but he is on the road ( he is a truck driver) and I knew he had a long distance to drive so I knew he was up. I started to feel some kind of way b/c I was like why hasnt he called me back yet, I kept saying he had a bad day so maybe he just needed time to release his frustrations but my mind would say but thats no excuse to at least call and say something he just not into you like his mouth says. So the night turned into the wee hours of the morning and I was on the phone with a friend girl of mines b/c there were some police activity going on around her house and she called me about it. So then about 4am while Im on the phone he calls so I was a little agg b/c again I felt like I guess he calling when its convenient for him and I despise that. So I answered and told him that I was on the phone and he seem a little funny but i was really just agg and kinda wanted him to know that. So I hung up with my friend and called him back within minutes. He asked me what was wrong and I tried my best to not weigh my feelings in my voice or on my shoulders but I felt like I should be able to tell him how I feel. I then proceed to tell him I was wondering what happened plus on the fact I called him, I do be concerned about him on the road so late. I then tell him how I feel he does things when its convenient for him and he stated he needed to clear his head and thought about the fact he didnt call me thats why he called cause he know I can be up pretty early in the day. I said I understand that but I feel like he does things without taking my feelings into consideration and I try to respect the fact he had a long day. He then says Man maybe I shouldn’t have called shucks if I would have known I was going to get chewed out then I wouldnt have called. he made me upset with saying those things cause I told him I was just telling him I how I was feeling thats all. So he then gets angry at me and says he wasnt going to bother me again and for me to do me and hung the phone up in my face. I texted him about an hour later stating to be safe on the road and that wasnt my intentions to get him upset only to tell him how I was feeling regardless if that was his intentions or not. He never replied back. I called him the next night b/c I didnt want to play these games but his phone vm came on and I left a message I later texted him saying guess you didnt get my vm but I wont bother him anymore I promise. I said you really take things how you want yet others cant. Sorry Jasmine for the long winded post but I wanted to give you a clear pic of what happened. I just dont know what I did wrong and I dont want to allow my own emotions to take over the situation when I tried to consider his end also. I feel like I wasted my time all over again and didnt resist the temptation all over again. I will not call him but wanted your opinion of why I couldn’t just let my feelings simmer instead of feeling like its my right to state how I feel.

Thanks Jasmine I am grateful you took time to give me your insight the saying two heads work better than one is one I agree with and respect your perspective. I am looking forward to it too! And Know I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me where I am weak he is strong. I will definitely keep you posted if things work out better than before.

Looking forward and not back,

Angela D

Hi Jasmine thanks for taking time out your day to write to me I truly appreciate that!!

I did not realize I was being hard on myself I guess I felt like how can he really love me when his actions speak otherwise at times. How would I ever know? When I say guard my heart I am meaning by not allowing myself to fall for someone so easily without truly getting to know their ups and down especially before giving myself to that person something I have decided now to wait on until God sends me that special someone he designed just for me. Yes I can agree love is something I can honestly say I try to give out to all those I encounter but this love was different I think about him and I can feel my stomach clinching like butterflies even when he isnt around me.

Yes I agree this earth this time that is going by is limited. I never intended to fear rejection I honestly dont know where it came from. I am learning to become more and more humble to all things so I love your point about free to express ourselves. I Actually talked to him earlier and he mentioned we dont have to be enemies were bigger than that I responded I never said we were enemies just couldnt have the strength to tell him how I really felt and wy I was doing for the

yes it is once you say it like that I dont part time love somebody I give them my all and when I don’t feel like Im getting the same in return I guess its then I fear rejection and resentment for not being strong enough to say what I want or the idea maybe they may take advantage of my love. Im trying to be happy with me and really getting there and really love your perspective. I am God’s creation and I know he wants to have more than we encounter.

Sending all the love and energy back your way! thanks!!

Angela D.