Dear Anita,

Can I really communicate to them that I can leave if they are not good with me? It’s something I have never imagined of.
And do u know, the kind of loneliness I went through as a child, my father doesn’t feel it was bad and his mistake. Once when I was upset with some fight with my husband and was telling my father that he ( my husband)doesn’t understand me and doesn’t connect with me, I had told my dad how I miss my ex and in that flow of discussion I told him how he and my mom never were there for me…..He dint agree they both hurt me and are responsible for my loneliness. I felt rejected and ignored that time as he dint feel he was wrong anywhere. That was the first time in my life I communicated with him abt something so imp and so deep. But he denied, dint even try to understand.
I wish I was stronger to digest that past, but I feel because I din’t get much attention from them I am in such a needy n clingy situation now. I want to ask you that is it important to settle this unsaid anger and disappointment with him so I can look forward and forget the past? Is it possible to get a closure of that past?

• This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Andrea simoes.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Andrea simoes.

Dear Anita,

What you said about being true is what I am practicing now. Not completely may be, but yes to I am listening to my heart wanting to be myself. Maybe that is why I am refusing to get pregnant and otherside I am not talking to my bf since last 8 days, for the first time so long. I am respecting myself and have been paying the cost of hatred frm my husband and ignorance frm my bf.
There is more to come soon now. My parents and my in-laws will hate me once make a rude statement of not wanting a child. I hope I will have strength to face that.

Dear finewine,

Thank you for your revert. I am much calm now. I like my husband as a good being, but was never attracted to him as my lover. I had him with me at my worst time once when I was lonely, we best friends. But I don’t like him as a lover. When my dad pressurized me to marry someone else, I flees with my husband and married him. He liked me a lot. And now when I look back I find myself selfish. I have been supporting him in all means except physical intimacy. I have been very supportive to his parents also in terms of hiding out difference in caste from public. I have, as a wife, played my role well….Only could not face physical intimacy. I could go all good only because he was there at my worst times. We have maintained a very clean image of a happy couple. But we lack understanding. For eg: whenever I have cried when I have been depressed, he never understood what should he do toake me feel better, inspite of telling m feeling lonely and lost. It’s not his fault,he is all content and had a very happy and secured childhood. I am much broken and I feel and he can’t love me enough.

Dear Anita and finewine,

Thankyou for being here. @finewine-myhusband is a very good guy no doubt, but somehow I should be comfortable and fulfilled in any relationship with anyone. I am trying my best not to hurt anyone. Also trying to adjust to my best possible comfort zone.

Thankyou.

Dear Anita,

Just now…..I was having some wine before I sleep. I shared my thought of going to dharamshala for the course. My husband got furious saying not going anywhere. We are planning a baby now. I said it’s just 15 days and there s no relation btwn my going there and planning a family. He said ” bohot ho gaya, if u can’t let’s separate”. This has happened out of nowhere. He said my mom has become old now and so we need to plan. I said how am I responsible for what ur mom is going through. Anita, I think there will be fights now. Let me tell you that my parents and husbands parents never met as we married against both. Husbands parents dint agree as the caste is different, so they have lied to the world dat we are of same caste. So my parents dint like it and now they don’t talk since v are married. I have managed to stay wid my in-laws few times,lie th world abt us and things were fine till the truth is hidden. I never liked all that,it’s very stressful.
Like I speak to his parents, he speaks to my parents well. So that is how we have been maintaining the relationships….Based on lies.
Don’t know what will happen now.

Dear Anita,

You are right. I need someone who understands me completely. Don’t know what future has for me now. I am totally blank.