Inky:

Thanks. You’re right. As much as we tried to fight against this fact. I want what I want, and he wants what he wants, and age very much does have to do with it.

Thanks for the replies, guys. A lot of stuff to chew on.

GL

2. What I do not understand and am against is this very popular act of just sleeping with whomever you want with no “strings attached” and no accountability whatsoever. Sex, as much as we try to argue against it, is emotional to an extent. To wanna engage with as many people as you possibly can without having any emotional bond  or responsibility whatsoever  implied is infantile thinking. It’s not possible in a long-term basis.  People, at the end of they day, can do whatever they want (as long as there is consent) but at any rate, it’s something that I personally don’t want to engage in.

1. I’ll admit, I believed that the guy could change his mind, that he can change his mind. That he was just scared of trying something new. Part of me still resonates with that…but in the end, it’s his choice, no? I can’t change someone. It’s that belief that a lot of women have that we can “change” someone, no? Is that not rampant? How much of that is actually true? I do see your point of him having rejected me from the get go and that should have been a sign to let go. There was nothing wrong with me wanting what I wanted, but I really wonder why I have been pulling this for as long as I have, when I know what I want. Which brings me to point number 3.

3. I really want to delve into this point. Could it be that something about them being unavailable attract me? What could that say about me? I talked to another friend about this and he told me that “shame” might be a factor when it comes to my relationships, namely, shame of the choices that I make and the people I choose to date. Because, while I was with him, I was mostly happy, stable, enjoyed being with him…but when he was apart, when we were in public, or when the thought of me introducing him to other people, those kinds of thoughts would come up. What do you guys think?

4. Can you elaborate on what you said about emotional support? Look, my parents don’t come to everything I do, but I know that they still love me and support me 100% in what I do, and are excited when I am excited about things. Is that what you mean? Still, this guy did not ask me once about tickets or when the shows would be…only when I brought it up. I don’t honestly know if he listened to me more than I am sure that I actually listened to him. If only we hadn’t gone to bed straight away and we had just talked more!

5. That part was just a typo on my part. I meant a learning opportunity for me. 😉 And, yes, I have seen what I can do to the extent that I have for the fear of losing someone.

6. Can you elaborate on this too?

So what is it that he was filling inside of you that you want him back? Better yet, what is it that he represent that makes him so tempting that you willingly ignore your own intuition to pursue him? What kind of story are you telling yourself about your relationship and him that makes you want to go back? There’s a lot of question you need to ask yourself.

Those are the questions that I am introspecting about these days. I’ll be posting my conclusions soon. 😉

Matt,

Your words are an ailment for the heart. It’s a relief: knowing that there are incredibly kind people out there who are willing to help, especially after said experience Everything you have said makes sense and I hope to apply it when the moment comes. I have to admit, though, some part of me (the anxiety energy in my body that feeds to my brain) is questioning and ruminating about the whole thing, taking the matter to extremes. Some part is also upset (the childish part?) because of the disconnection between “being right” in this scenario and my self-esteem (which was the part that I felt healed my heart the most). It really is silly though, and it’s just my mind wanting to ruminate and bring forth more worry into the mix. I will let it come through, though, it’s normal for my state.

I’m thinking about situations in school, when I want to participate and bringa point forth. I can’t deny it that it feels good when a professor approves of something or fellow classmates agree. Somehow (and I’m thinking this is all the gunk left by said ‘Buddhist” who wanted me to destroy all notions of pride) my mind wants to feel that doing that is wrong and that I should refrain from it. So, I’m left in a weird position. Ack, how the mind always wants to play in terms of black and white! How it can never be okay with flexibility! Again, I will stay aware of this and let it come through. It can’t harm me.

Interpret it according to your spirituality (I’m Roman Catholic formally but I tend to lean towards interfaith and knowledge of all belief systems), but you are a God-send. I will definitely try that metta meditation tonight.

Namaste 🙂
Andrea

Matt,

That’s what I thought as well. It just seems so unkind to yourself to do that. You can try to maybe trascend the “rigid” ego (the one that sees things in black and white) but to crush it and eliminate it through pain (he even preaches about being willing to fail so that the ego can diminish)? No.

I’ve made some advancements in that area, by accepting my dad for who he is (even if his way of doing things wouldn’t be my personal choice). But some part of me (a little agitated voice) just feels so inferior and crushed whenever he finds some way around a point. It’s like I’m unwilling to see that my opinions are of value too, and not through him, even if he disagress with me. It really is painful because it’s even affecting my studies and my thinking (which is why I blame it mostly on anxiety, that has caused me to cause these habitual patterns of thought; it’s just afraid of being disproven in argument and not having anything to say). And the tricky part is, it’s not something that never happens (as it happens with most people with anxiety that overdimentionalize things that never happen), but it does (whenever I want to share views on the table and “jump in” to the discussion) and I feel uncomfortable… 🙁 You’d think that I’d gotten desensitzed about it by now but I haven’t. Perhaps I should just give my body more time to heal?

I guess the key is just to be mindful. Because some part of me wants to destroy my self-esteem whenever I do understand a point that he makes (because then it means that mine is “wrong” and therefore, I’m “wrong” and “stupid”).

Can you please go a little more in depth about the lesson of the thorn bush? I would appreciate it.