Audrey,
You are me.
It has taken many relationships and a lot of hurt for me to begin to come out on the other side of understanding of all this.
Here’s what I’ve learned, and what it sounds like to me. Try on these things, maybe they will help you:

> You might be trying to heal your old wounds from your dad with your boyfriend. Your wounded inner child is fighting with the adult you in the scenarios where your boyfriend doesn’t show up. You keep waiting for this man to save you, and what you need to learn is how to save yourself. Because no matter how many times he says he’ll change, work on it, or whatever…growing into what you need is clearly not your boyfriend’s priority. And I don’t think it should be. He’s here in your life to show you what to heal within yourself.

> The source of hurt is not only the abandonment, but the projection of your past onto the present. You need him to show up because your dad didn’t. So your needs are completely based on something that happened to you as a child. That is the wound you need to heal, not him. You’re not able to love someone freely when you’re trying to get them to fill that void.

> The word for what you keep referring to in your boyfriend is called “integrity.” Your boyfriend lacks integrity. This is a HUGE thing…but if someone does not do what they say they’re going to do, when they say they’re going to do it, then that’s a problem. Especially when it is a consistent problem. Many, many many people would have problems being in a relationship with someone that is unreliable.

> Which brings me to my next point…is for you to ask yourself why you’re willing to be with someone that consistently lets you down? What part of yourself believes that this is what you deserve?

It’s because you’re trying to get the love you never had as a child. And you’re trying to get it from the wrong person…someone who is not capable of giving it to you, because your sense of worthiness has been formed from this idea that you got when you were a child, and your dad didn’t show up. Somewhere, you have this underlying belief about your situation that you aren’t worth showing up for. And that belief will continue to hold people who won’t show up in your life.

So, maybe instead of trying to rewire yourself so you can keep him, maybe you should be looking at all the reasons why you deserve better.

Good luck.

I’m reading through all of the responses here, and I’d like to offer a different perspective.
Yes, to some extent, it can be difficult to maintain friendships. I’ve always had difficulty maintaining close relationships with females. But, it’s something I’ve taken on directly and gotten much better at. But, I definitely feel you.

However, what I noticed from your post is your comment regarding the pattern of friendships and the pattern of the “type” of people you’re attracting as friends. My guess is that some part of you is attracting this type of person, and until you uncover what part of you that is, you may continue to attract those types. I’d suggest you start to look at your friendships, and maybe write out what you see, what you feel, the dynamic (as you’ve already mentioned above) and start to notice patterns. I typically use one of two methodologies…I’ll apply the reflection theory, trying to observe if there’s something I’m projecting onto them that I’m not able to recognize within myself. (You don’t see things as they are, you see things as you are.) Or, I’ll apply the universal law of attraction – and try to identify the patterns so I can figure out what part of me is attracting these kinds of people.

Either method will likely take you down a road of insight. good luck!