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ameliau

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • June 18, 2016 at 7:53 am #107588
    ameliau
    Participant

    Dear anita,
    Thanks for your true words. I still hope that I can have a healthy relationship one day so I will work hard on myself.

    Dear Maria,
    It is indeed a vortex and we both blame each other all the time. I also hope that I will be able to get out for this and move on. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

    June 16, 2016 at 6:05 pm #107483
    ameliau
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    We agree to separate but I feel so guilty and bad about myself for what I did. He keeps telling me that all the bad bahavior that he did or his depression is due to what I did. He said I’m not the kind of person that one can get married with because I’m unable to be satisfied and I’m not loyal. I’m a serial cheater.

    I become so attached to what he said and let it defines me. I always try reflections and I always wanna improve myself. But many people suggest that these kinds of personality traits are developed and unable to change. I feel weak and no confidence in myself that even my future relationships will be failures. I’m afraid my flaws cannot be changed.

    I think I better stay single until I become a better version of myself. Please give me advice on how to do it.

    Thanks
    Ameliau

    December 4, 2015 at 5:04 am #88857
    ameliau
    Participant

    Many thanks for your words anita. You helped me to see my situation in another perspective. Right now i really have to be responsible for all my acts and improve myself. Although it’s difficult, I hope to see a better future soon!

    December 3, 2015 at 3:02 am #88778
    ameliau
    Participant

    Dear Seaisland,

    Thanks for your kind advice. I think you are probably right that I should look back more closely and evaluate the relationship that I had with my ex. It might not be good for both of us to get back together.

    And yes the most important thing for me to do is to learn the lesson and be a better me. I shouldn’t be too worried for going back with him. And I shouldn’t try a new relationship before I’ve truly changed and I have to be sure that I will never do something this bad again!

    I think I will completely forgive and accept myself by the time that I can be very certain about my loyalty.

    December 3, 2015 at 2:51 am #88777
    ameliau
    Participant

    Thank you Cueva for bringing the positive energy here. I’m not a naive English speaker either so excuse my grammar.

    It’s sad to know your story but I see that you’ve probably got over it and had good reflection on the past issues. Thanks for sharing your story so that the recovery path looks near to me. You are right that I should focus on improving myself rather than trying hard to get back with him. Take it as a lesson and move on!

    I hope that you are doing well and ready for a new relationship!

    December 2, 2015 at 4:54 pm #88752
    ameliau
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    When he expressed his concern about me texting other guys, I avoided talking to them already. He hit me because he thought I didn’t have a clear cut with them. So I blocked them after the fight. After that, he didn’t trust me still and when we had arguments, he would be quite angry sometimes to throw things on the floor. He broke my phone and camera one time. I’m not sure if it’s also part of the violent behaviour.

    And I believe if I can truly forgive what he did and cope with his temper properly, I would not do such a selfish act of cheating. I have issues of forgiving and trusting people after the hitting I guess. And this is what I wanna heal from. Any good way to let go of the past?

    I learn from this break up that I have to be faithful and honest to my partner no matter how bad the situation is. But I still feel very low self esteemed every day I wake up. I feel worthless and I don’t deserve a happy relationship anymore. It’s hard to see that I would have a bright future. How to think more positively?

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by ameliau.
    December 2, 2015 at 9:24 am #88709
    ameliau
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply Inky and Anita.

    I wanna clarify what I said about I always wanna look for a better guy. This feeling only came after the big fight that we had. I believe we were good as a couple before the hitting. I never thought that he is not good enough before that.

    I didn’t look for a better guy by texting other people before the fight. I never thought about dating with any of them as my boyfriend and I was still having a good relationship. To my boyfriend, the act of texting is “cheating” already. Similar to what you think, he sees it like searching for a better option. But this kind of idea came only after the hitting. I lost confidence in our relationship. I had a constant fear that he might hit again although he promised not to. Later on whenever he is mad, he still threw stuff around and turned the tables sometimes. And that’s where I began to look for a better guy since I guess I was insecure in the relationship.

    I am really not blaming him for anything. I understand it’s purely my mistake to cheat. I am guilty to cheat on him. I am also guilty for not communicating well with my boyfriend so that I wouldn’t be that insecure. The way I see him after hitting is that he is not emotionally stable and sometimes out of control for his temper. That’s the side that I think he is not good enough. I really should help him out. I did ask him to go for a therapist, but he refused. He believed he could control it.

    I think we both did something very wrong to each other. If he can really get control for his temper, I think he is still the one for me. And I promise myself every day that I will not cheat on anybody from now on. It’s just too bad to hurt other people. I am still finding a way to heal myself and to let go of what happened…

    ameliau

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