Hi,

So I took my day of relaxation and really enjoyed it. I knew he was coming around for the evening and was trying to decide what do do, I thought I would see what happens when he came round. He seemed off, distant, I wasn’t feeling happy around him. The next day I saw a message on his phone to his ex partner, saying he would like to take her out for dinner. I confronted him, he said it wasn’t what it looked like etc. etc.

I ended it, but then couldn’t help but keep messaging him to tell him how I felt or even maybe to try to work it out again, I don’t know why I did that! Last night after messaging he said we wouldn’t work and I haven’t and won’t, respond.

But now I just have this terrible feeling of dread and loss, my stomach is clenched and hurting and it’s horrible because I know he did me wrong, I know he was not right for me and didn’t make me happy, I know he lied countrless times, but yet I can’t stop this great sadness- I feel lost, like I’m just living in a daze, going through the motions, not being able to feel happy about anything. My long term relationship ended after nearly 7 years last year, I thought I had found happiness again and then after a few months it’s all over and I am back to square one- I have so many thoughts going around in my head, memories, flashbacks… I don’t know to feel happy and strong.

Anita- I feel that what if he really does change and will not lie to me anymore then we could be good and back to how it was at the start- if I gave him this chance, there are good things about him… I suppose I want it to work, so against everything else that’s wrong I am still hoping- I feel if I ended it would I always regret it?

Thanks Aislynn, sorry to hear about all the troubles you had- my worry is also that now he will just be more careful and hide things from me. I agree with everything your saying too- when you went through it with your previous partner what made you make the decision to finally end it?

Everything points to him being a liar and unsuitable for me, but I can’t help but think what if he really is trying now and really is being honest with me? Thing is I will never really know unless I trust him and right now I don’t, but I wonder if in time the trust could come back?

Thank you Inky 🙂 I really appreciate that. I do feel like I need to break away, but it’s just finding the strength to I suppose and also, being sure about my decision. I am so afraid of making the wrong choice and having regrets! Do you think that if someone can lie and hide things the way he has, then it means that is the way they always will be and that they cannot change? Does it make them a bad person do you think? For me to be lied to makes me feel like he doesn’t really love me or consider me a priority? And since agreeing to give him another chance all I can feel is worry that I will be lied to again, that he doesn’t truly care- a few days I questioned him about a phone call he avoided whilst with me. I asked who it was and he replied to say it was the same friend who I mentioned in my previous post, so naturally I felt suspicious of that, as soon as I asked him who it was and what he wanted and why he did not take the call, he got really defensive and said I should trust him. We had a bit of an argument, he said he fees like I always need to get my own way- it felt like everything was turned on to me, but I wasn’t the one who lied and hid things in the past, it was him, it was his fault that I now feel this way and his actions that made me want to end things- but after that argument I was the one who felt guilty and upset, I knew he was off with me and I wanted to make it right and then since then I have just been worried that I shouldn’t have been suspicious I should have faith and now that I have shown I don’t have faith that, it has made him think less of me.

Before that afternoon, things were actually going well. I was being positive and being extra thoughtful towards him, appreciating little things he had done as I could see he was making an effort and in turn I could see his positive reactions and we felt closer than we had been for a while. But then after the argument this weekend it’s like another step back and I’m back to that horrible stage again. Maybe I am trying to fight a losing battle, I just don’t know, I just find it hard to give up trying in case something really good could come out of it. But all of these little hiccups are putting strain on this relationship, which isn’t even 6 months old yet- should I keep fighting? Do you think it would be possible to go back to how we were before when I felt happy and secure with him?