Thank you for both of your responses I thought long and hard about your answers and it helped me to see my husbands side. You asked what my family has done for me, my father and I are extremely close he held me during my panic attacks ive always been able to call on him for help when i needed it. In my eyes hes been the best father i could have asked for, not perfect by any means, but a good man nonetheless. Being that im his daughter certainly growing up he did things for me bought me my first car got me through school. I know i dont owe him but i have a very strong desire to care for him as his daughter, perhaps its because i almost lost them I feel like if he dies and I dont do everything in my power to help him his death is somehow my fault. I was speaking to a friend yesterday who told me that i cant help my family at the expense of myself and thats true perhaps i unwittingly gave my self up over the years as this marytr because i was so afraid of losing them perhaps thats the anxiety piece. I thank both of you however for your wise words, I just want the people
I love to be happy. I feel as though my parents were dealt a bad hand and its for me now to rectify that wrong. The thing i need to decide is whether it will be at the expense of my marriage. What you both said makes great sense its just that anxiety sneaks up on you during the night and it just takes hold every night i think about this i dont sleep i barely eat, I stay up worrying about all their problems. They dont ask me too they tell me not to worry but for me thats like saying dont breath… I know i need to make adjustments its just extremely difficult and I hope my husband can learn to understand that

Thanks everyone its only been a few days that i have been there. Im trying to get a sense as to how others do things its hard to imagine no one taking small breaks at the office, the administrator had told me I couldn’t use my cell however most everyone herself included keeps it on their desk and I’ve seen them occasionally check it or text, another employee went out to the local cafe to get a drink so my hope is there is some wiggle room, I’m just to new at the moment, I would like to make this job work i think in the long term it could be good for me. At the same time i want to keep my sanity I’m thinking about bringing up my concerns to another employee and seeing how they cope with it, thank you both for being so understanding and answering my question for me and giving me some peace of mind, i was just so afraid of making a mistake…. Especially when i think about all the freedom at my previous job : / but i am going to keep my options open as well!