Little Buddha,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand how hopeless we can feel when cycles overwhelm us. It feels big, as though associations are strong, ruts are deep, because they happen consistently. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that it feels like lots of problems, because they crop up in many ways. But really, it seems like most of your issue stems from negative fixation. We have an unpleasant experience, and as we think about it, cycle around it, feel unpleasant emotions. This is like being thirsty and drinking from a salted well. The more we dwell, the more thoughts, the more we dwell, yeesh. Cut that crap out!

Instead, what we can do is find a wholesome well. This is done through self nurturing, such as bringing space, nourishment, relaxation to our body and mind. We sit down, intentionally grow a light space, and refresh, unwind. My favorite of these is metta meditation. Metta is the feeling of warm friendship in our chest, and opens up a spaciousness of mind. Consider how these little cycles of thoughts and emotions seem heavy, compressed, agitating. When they blossom in a patient mind, spacious mind, they’re more like flowers in a wide open field, full of information, creativity, inspiration. We can tend what we want, pull weeds, shine light where its needed, etc. Said differently, cultivating metta helps develop concentration quickly, so you can do something more productive with your time, instead of sitting and stewing. Why lament? Too many horizons, sunrises, possibilities to dwell in errors. The trick is learning we don’t have to. Or, learning, so we don’t have to.

Namaste, friend, may you find your little space, blue skies.

With warmth,
Matt

Ashley,

In addition to Dain’s kindly intended words, consider growing some compassion for the girl you were a few summers back, and keep in heart the reasons you were seeking some comfort, playfulness, sensual pleasure, or whatnot. As we grow, our memories often have to be hugged and let go of, because as we learn lessons, its troubling to believe how foolish we were. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Looking back and judging ourselves based on who we are now is pointless, purposeless. Here and now, perhaps wisdom is better rooted, empathy a little more open, or whatnot, having grown as a being. However, we’ve inevitably had a lot of bloopers along the way (how else did we grow?) but often the stories are loving at the time. Said differently, consider how light and fun it was to dance with him… and then accept that his relationship status gave the dance a cost (guilt, feeling of harm toward a sister), and take a breath, just accept some dumpy feelings. Then, be free, let it go. The heart grows wise, we naturally don’t do that stuff again… not worth it. You have the heart of a sister, and don’t wish to cross that boundary with them. That’s great, plenty. Not a malicious thread in your stories. So, just resolve not to do that again. Problem solved, move on. 🙂

For a potential reunion, the ball’s in your court. Hopefully, you’ll have healed your guilt by then, found some self acceptance. That’s what you’re here for, right? 🙂 So, if you wish to talk to him about the fun, the guilt byproduct (he played a part in that, charming man that he was 🙂 ) or anything at all, do it. Maybe he listens, maybe he laughs, but that’s on him, his, not yours. If you don’t want to bother chatting, just wave, a fellow you shared a dance with once. Why fret?

For the shame… sister, you do odd things when you’re horny/playful/lonely/learning. Join the huuuuuuge club. We do our best with the cards we have, and learn a lot through trial and error. You don’t need such a heavy mantle, weight, for such a fumble. Good people do odd things, but it all knits together along the way.

Namaste, sister, may you find acceptance for your gentle wings.

With warmth,
Matt

Sure… smile, offer gratitude for the kindness, celebrate the connection, keep breathing. The success or failure of the object/moment that inspires the compliment/criticism doesn’t belong to us, we stand on the shoulders of countless heroes and fools. Using maps drawn by others, etc. We’re a part, but just a part. 🙂

This is trickier to see when we come into awareness through mind altering substances. One friend described it as “hallucinogens are like seeing the top of the mountain. Meditation is like actually petal-ling to the top on our little bike.” Your mileage may vary.

Namaste, friend, may your pride and shame unweave into laughing humility. Its only life, no biggie. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

Hannah,

Its a great and fertile place you’ve arrived at, congratulations! Consider how all this chaos is carried around like a weight. Surrounded by clutter, fat tissue, deeds left undone, there you sit looking around at a mess. Yeesh, no wonder you’re tired! A few things came to heart as I read your words.

When it gets too heavy, we are able to choose to set it down. Consider: you have been doing zillions of things, have a lot on your plate, and the resulting stress is showing up in different ways.

Think for a moment of your journey like a big house. In some of those rooms, such as boyfriend, having shelter, friends, family, they’re nice and neat, sparkling. Maybe not fully enjoyed, but no big messy spills, clutter, or weight.

In some of the others, though, the stress is more apparent. Putting on some weight, clutter, mental chatter, etc. It becomes a knit together picture “I’m a cluttered person, sigh, damnit!”. Then, the clutter is so much heavier, to start something is to confront the whole of your self. No need, much simpler than that. Just look around for a need, and try to fill that need. For instance with cleaning clutter: find one space that is small, simple to clear, and clear it. Make it sparkle. A little gift to yourself,despite your history, despite what you think you are. Just to have the shine in one spot. Then look, just look. Does it feel better? Do you like that more?

If you do, then just spread that shine outward. Little bits, as you wish them, as you see something that could be done to make your world shine a little brighter, do it. That’s where the feeling of freedom comes from, appreciative joy for being who you are, where you are. Said differently, nurturing ourselves, such as being generous to yourself, giving to yourself, being generous to others, giving to others, brings a much needed breath of fresh air, blue sky.

Don’t worry about the weight, don’t worry about the mess. Instead, just tend the choices you’re making. Eating light, fresh foods feels shinier, so we do that. Throwing away the garbage, putting away the hair ties, clothes, feels better not only to do, but to experience afterward. Then, rest is authentic, not hiding, just breathing from a do well done.

Finally, consider starting a metta meditation practice. When our inner light burns dim, and the world appears shadowy, shaming, we can nip that in the bud by cultivating some positive mental habits. Similar to Jasmine’s kind advice of “steering the mind”, my teacher noted how the mind gets agitated when compressed, like a horse, kicking in a barn. We’re told to control our mind, tame the horse, but that never seems to work, or closes off our empathy. Instead, we remove the walls of the barn, and the horse settles on her own. Maybe smells some flowers, chews some grass. Metta helps open that space, so that as we explore our environment, clutter and shine, our mind isn’t so jumpy, likely to run off, or kick at us. Just, “Oh, garbage? In the pail. Dinner? What feels shiny?” Not that it isn’t hard work, it is, but you’re doing it already. The uncomfortable feelings are just the desires for the shiny space being halted by fear. As we bolster our inner light… fear? Ha! Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.

Namaste, sister, may your eyes open to the trail of love behind you, around you.

With warmth,
Matt

Lurker,

Consider that you have most of the pieces already, and its just a matter of following those desires you just expressed. The business world builds and crumbles, fortunes made, lost, on and on, but as we bring our heart to our journey, it unfolds around us. Auspicious coincidence, finding other heartfelt businesses and audiences for your widget or service, etc, etc. You’ll do fine.

As far as the balance goes, consider spending more time in the general feeling of where you wish your journey to take you (as in wishing for the space to grow, desire to be kind, family, etc) and don’t fret the big stuff. We find out along the way there is actually very little big stuff, just lots of little stuff, which we can meet mindfully for our benefit and that of others. Look for a good choice, make it, see what happens. No biggie. The heart does most of the work, its deep and wise. 🙂

For the low self value because you’re not a card carrying member of society with an income and clear direction, consider accepting you’re a student. You’re asking great questions, and have peaceful, co-creative desires… that’s plenty, wonderful already. Said differently, perhaps if you can just accept the gift of space and education, and not attach self value to money (either as a yacht owner or a beggar kid) then it’ll be easier for you to build a good map of where you really want to take your life. Somewhere in between something we’re really great at and something we love to do is where we find our garden. Relax, keep looking. Its worth taking some time to find your aim.

With warmth,
Matt

Little Buddha,

Lots of interesting questions, and any of those paths may help you find what you’re looking for. My advice, stop pushing. When happy, be happy. When sad, be sad. Hungry, eat. Why the fuss? Just emotions, blowing in and out.

With warmth,
Matt

SpinBunny,

Its normal and fairly usual to fall for a kindred, there’s a click that becomes very alluring. Add to that him being a cheerleader for your development, and what’s not to love? Consider that the feelings are easy, now, safely sprouting in the world of fantasy. If he was your boyfriend, it’d be a lot different. He’s full of blood and puss and poop too, not just a “mystery man”. The relationship would be the same, tricky, real, hard work.

Said differently, if only conditions were different… but they aren’t. Infatuation erodes when we rest with the reality of what is, instead of bounce along the fantasies of what might be if only. Might be time for a different trainer. Or go after him. Unrequited love is tough enough, without mixing in the teacher/student aspect of your connection.

With warmth,
Matt

Jasmine,

Scorpions do sting. 🙂 Let their tail pass through us, and not only no sting, but where’d the scorpion go? And where’d this rose come from?