Hi JP
I can completely understand where you’re coming from. I was wondering, do you perhaps avoid taking on challenges because maybe you don’t feel you deserve the rewards you would gain from participating? For example, getting involved with the fitness programs would mean you will become healthier, which you’ve said is something you want – but is it that you feel you don’t deserve it? Or that feel you’re not worth bettering yourself? And so you will not let yourself participate, or even want to participate? If so, maybe not having the motivation to set goals for yourself or holding yourself back from enriching your life could be a reflection of a lack of love for yourself?
On a practical note, at times when I feel useless or completely unmotivated with my life, I find it helps to stop looking inwards, and instead look outwards and help others; say for example making a meal for a family member or a neighbour one day. Such acts of kindness, however small and insignificant they may seem, help make someone else’s day and enriches their lives, which in turn gives you purpose.
I hope this helps!