Valora,

We have been married 20 years and dated for 5 before that. It is very hard to pull that trigger on divorce. I am ready but my husband is not and all of the complex emotions that go with it. If I could just leave and buy a place I would, but I have alot of debt and as much as I want a divorce, I am afraid of the unknown.

alibro991

My girl is 15 and my boy is 12. They are not aware that I am dating other men. Its not often, but I have been on dates with other men on the weekends. I know it seems logical for me to move in with my parents, but my mother is a literal nightmare. We dont get along and the last time I moved out my kids suffered too much with out me.

Thank you for all the responses. I feel like I’m moving back home for all the wrong reasons. I know this sounds selfish, but right now I like being a part-time Mom. I see my kids all the time, even when its not my custody week. They are very in tuned to my drinking and everyone around me has kind of adapted to it. I know I’m a functioning alcoholic and my ex-wants me to quit and I refuse. He has been through recovery before and I have resentment towards him that he wants me to change. It has to be my decision. If I move back home, I will have to be back in my marriage 100% and I don’t know if I want that. Sometimes I am stubborn and avoid doing things that are best for me.

And allowing my daughter to be used by him? With her living with him I am not there to protect her all the time. He said the other day he was crying alone and she came to him. I don’t know how to stop that. Except to keep telling my husband to put the kids feelings first instead of his own. My son is the opposite, he isolates himself on his video games and chooses not to have any interest in what’s going on around him.

Dear Anita,

My husband is grieving the loss of me. He gets very angry and uses my daughter against me knowing he should not. He was told about this when we were both in counseling. I am pretty sure he has told my daughter that I was with another man. He was beside himself with anger and grief when I left. Like I said before, I love my apartment and having alone time. I have been out with a few men and I am enjoying it. However, I feel like a bad mother leaving my perfect family to date and have fun with other men.

Allison

Thank you for your responses Anita. You are a huge help.

Dear Anita,

I meant that being married to my husband wasn’t always horrible. We had good times as well as bad. I guess he would always judge me when I drank to much or spent to much. Nagging mostly. When I would talk to him about things he was very rarely sympathetic and always managed to make it my fault. Just didn’t support me. I’m sure I was horrible with him and I learned a lot of bitterness from him also.

Allison

Dear Anita,

I feel like its a little more than just trying to recapture my youth. It wasn’t always horrible with my husband. But I just always imagined having a different life. One where I didn’t cook and clean after my husband and have to listen to him judging me and cutting me down when I was sad. I don’t mind cooking for my kids, but just resented him so much I had to leave. Does that make sense?

Allison