Hi Zandile,

I understand exactly how you are feeling. I have had cyclic bouts of anxiety (more specifically agoraphobia) for the past ten years and over the past year it has been the worst I have ever had. I also am paralyzed by fear over completing the most simple things, such as driving, traveling short distances, pretty much everything under and including the sun. Somehow I have managed to press on though. I still make it to work everyday and find ways (even miniscule ways) of experiencing joys. For me that has been helpful. Looking at and appreciating the small everyday pleasures of life. We all have them, no matter how terrible a day has been. I’ve found that documenting these things with pictures or in journals is great because you can go back and review everything that has given you pleasure over the past week or month. At first it might seem very difficult because of how lousy and hopeless you might feel. But, eventually something wonderful happens and a switch is flipped in your brain. You start to look on the bright side more and more, and realize that you haven’t been cursed with a terrible disorder that you can’t overcome.
You can!
Our brains are wonderful and terrible things. When we feel fear towards accomplishing everyday tasks, such as driving, it’s not necessarily those tasks that are causing the pain but some deep seeded negativity that we have been fostering unknowingly for years. I’ve done a lot of research over the past year trying to uncover the deep roots of my anxiety issues and I came upon a great article on psycologytoday.com about the five basic fears that we all live by: extinction (death), mutilation (losing a part of our body), loss of autonomy (being paralyzed, imprisoned, smothered), separation (abandonment), ego-death (shame, humiliation, loss of the integrity of self). And if you think about it, it’s true. All of our fears evolve from those five things. The trick is to figure out which fear is paralyzing you and taking steps to overcome those things; not necessarily by treating the symptoms of anxiety, but to stop fighting the symptoms and let them guide you to a place in yourself where they are coming from.
I would definitely recommend talking to a professional who is trained in cognitive and talk therapy to help you overcoming your surface fears and then helping you slay the dragons beneath. Mindful meditation is a great way to relieve the racing thoughts and enjoy the present moments of life, and pay attention to your inner thoughts. Everytime you catch yourself in a negative thought pattern, turn it around to the positive. List all your positive traits and repeat them daily or several times a day. I found that a lot of my anxiety was caused by judging myself way to harshly and berating myself over the most insignificant things.

It takes time to change these things about ourselves. But in the end it is so worth it and you might find that what you are going through now happened for a very good reason!

Peace be with you <3