It’s more about – just a year and I could have a degree! I can finish it and then move on. It’s fear of regret. At the other hand – fear of next semester of architecture and waiting. But it’s just a year.

Hello. I couldn’t sleep and eat, I could not even move – I was that scared. So I let go. I stayed.
I am reading what I have said and I must be crazy or something. I feel like maybe there is another problem and I don’t need to make any decision but go to therapist.
Higher education in my country is really important and I can make masters degree in something else. I feel in a hurry but why exactly…? Why droping out makes me THAT afraid (or maybe it is normal?). That you have hallucinations, cannot sleep, have pounding heart and everything. All people around me are so irritated by me right know. That is not a surprise for me ;-). Do I have some sort of psychological ilness? Is it THAT important and difficult?
If nobody answer I am not even angry. That is so weird how irritating I am right know.

I hate being there but I am so afraid that’s why I said what I said. And after talking with my family. But I know, that is my decision. Whatever I will choose it’s all going to be all fine.

Yeah, I think that is a good idea. I’m going to reach to someone when on my new place. I guess I am scared as well that someone gonna punish me or tell me that I am wrong and can’t do that. But I am not a child anymore so that doesn’t have to stop me. Thank you once again!

Thank you so much! I am better now. I was trying to figure out what I am really scared of – the answer is loneliness. I feel misunderstood and frustrated but at least I feel like I am belonging. The fear of being left out by my family is also really strong. I remember having those kind of dreams where they are leaving me and treating like a ghost when I was little. But at the same time they treat me as a child who must be told what to do and I don’t want that. That makes me feel powerless and stuck.
I am so grateful for you and people on that site. I was always afraid to post something, I am actually really surprised that anybody wanted to answer me and tried to understand me. Thank you once again!

Midnight!
You said I can write to you 😉 So I do! I am in the process of organising everything and I feel like I am dying. Is it okay? Maybe I do actually waste my life and should just wait those 1,5 year and then be free? I am sorry, I just have panic attacks all the time and I don’t know, maybe it’s my intuition telling me not to make a change?

Hi, Norit.
Thank you for your response! I think I have just been waiting for permission, that my feelings are valid and that I am not crazy. I am so miserable in architecture course, I actually do have suicidal thoughts. So I run into my own fantasy world and wait until I can be free. But from what I see, there is no freedom waiting for me, just more responsibilities. And maybe I can have that grace and forgiveness for myself to just move on right now. And to validate my feelings and take them seriously. I feel like I have never been living, all my teenage years I spent procrastinating or starving myself. And I really do want to come back to reality.I am so afraid but I am so ready.

Thank you so much for your time 😉 Yeah, but that fear is soooo huuuge. Right now I am all fine and confident about droping out but in the morning I feel like I am going to die. Like all the people in my age finished something and I am all alone ;p That is why I wanted to know other people perspectives on this – because maybe it’s not that scary and terrible like I see that.