Peggy — I am very aware of the fact that a love relationship can not fulfill my every need. I have friends, family, work colleagues that have become good friends to me. I am going out, am traveling often and I am involved in various projects … all these fulfill my needs but not the need of having a significant other, of loving a man and being loved back. I often feel lonely… This need can only be fulfilled by a love relationship with a similar person. Therefore, my life is going in many directions, I am not just relying on this man to “save me”. My obsession comes only from the fact that I like him so much, am ready for a love relationship and would like it to be with him.

Anita — he is not a colleague of mine. We only collaborate for work related matters and he has a higher, auditing position to the work I do and this is why I see him rarely (1-2 times every few weeks). So, this should make things easier but you can see that they aren’t :)). Anita, you said:  “If you talk to him about a possible get together, a date or a relationship, suggest it in a business like manner, not emotionally or flirtatiously. Present it to him in such a way that his answer right-there-and-then is not required, in such a way that he can comfortably withdraw, but clearly enough so that you will know his answer”, this is what I was thinking too but could not put into words. Question is – how do I do that? easier said than done … I thought I made a start of that when I gave him a souvenir from abroad but he must have interpreted it as a gesture of friendship not of love interest …

Peggy — it makes sense what you wrote above and believe me, I will do my best to “let him know I like him” because he is so important to me. I just don’t want to spoil our friendship and work relationship … it’s very difficult for me to approach a man that I like. I might be lacking those skills … You are also right when you say that I should go on dates with other men, it would take the pressure off regarding the man I like but, at the same time, I don’t see myself spending my energy in others that are not important and meaningful to me. Yes, and I was avoiding relationships for a long time using career as an excuse, mostly for fear of emotional intimacy and showing my vulnerability to a close partner. But now, with him, I am so willing and open to reveal myself as I am and develop a love relationship with him! We can both learn how to do that! I guess one needs to feel these things first because you can’t just open up to anybody!

Anita — when I first met him (aside from my feelings that I described above and which appeared like an epiphany the first moment I saw him) I liked the way he looked physically, liked his important position in the company BUT what I liked most, when talking to him and getting to know him little by little is that he is very intelligent, hard working, diligent, respectful, modest, kind, quiet, serious, friendly, funny, etc.  Therefore, it’s a whole person I like, I am not just impressed by his great job or the way he looks.

Thank you both for taking the time to help and support me through this!

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by alizee2007.

Peggy, you are so right. The first step is to find out his relationship status.

For as long as Ive known him (almost 2 years) he said nothing of a love relationship or even implying having one, though he talked about his parents, hobbies, friends (male), college times, etc. I also did not mention any love relationships because I have been single for many years so there was nothing for me to talk about... I only know a few of his colleagues but not that well, therefore, I do not dare to ask them about his social status. But one thing is for sure -- he is not married. I know my story sounds childish and I feel like I am in high school again, but I never thought I would fall in love with a man under these circumstances. I am just racking my brain about this situation and dont know if I should “do something”, which might sound desperate or inadequate, or just let things flow naturally and see what happens…

I might be one of those people who just “know” that they have met their soulmate, but sometimes I wonder if it is just an illusion of my mind or a gut feeling about him (I incline to think it`s gut feeling as all the feelings that I have about him are so right, peaceful and natural).

Just like you said, Peggy, I thought about “inviting” him to an event, but did not have the chance yet to use an interesting and appealing event as a “starter”. Anyways, he might not be that “social”, as, from what I realized he is a little withdrawn, quiet, preferring nature and the country side.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by alizee2007.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by alizee2007.