Hello everyone I’ve found this forum and it’s really given me comfort because I thought I was the only one and idk how active it still is but I really wanted to share my story and how I felt and what happened to me, so I’m young only 16 and I’ve been dating this amazing boy for a year and a half everything is great he recently started going to this school for away that he lived at but still in high school and he’d always come home once a month every time I’d be more than excited to see him. Everything was fine we did argue quite a bit but I feel like it’s kind of normal for teens and they were usually stupid and then we’d go back to loving each other like always. Recently something strange happened I think I have bad anxiety but I’m not sure when I took my drivers test the night before I couldn’t sleep I would throw up and shake because of how nervous I was and idk why. My dad did do some things nothing physical more emotional for me that I think could be playing out now in my relationship I went to a therapist once not much clarity for me. Recently he’s gotten a new girlfriend and he took me my boyfriend and his girlfriend to a trip to Disney. This was my third time kind of meeting her and she never really starts any conversations or anything, but I was extremely excited My boyfriend and I cuddled all the way down to Florida and were really happy and goofy played some games. And the next day went to Disney had funny got a little annoyed with each other at somet points but I assumed because it was hot and we were exhausted and I was hangry. Once we got back we made a poppincookin had lots and lots of fun. And he wanted to cuddle and I love cuddling but I just wasn’t in the mood idk why I just didn’t really want to be held. Next day went to Disney kind of same thing got a little annoyed but it was nothing crazy bad still had lots of fun. But I was being a little distant not wanting to cuddle too much and was a little moody and I didn’t think much of it until that night He wanted to cuddle and I was like no please get out of my bed I’m not in the mood and he was really upset. And I got in bed and then he got in his and asked me “Do you even care about me anymore?” And that’s when it all started. I didn’t know what to say I was like do I care? Why am I kind of being distant? Do I love him? And I was like yeah I do but I didn’t really know and idk why I could be so happy with him (mostly) for the trip and otw down to Disney and then feel like this. Then everything was quite for a bit and I just still felt like I needed to talk so we kind of talked and he got next to me and right when he got near me my heart was pounding fast not in a good way and I was shaking and my hands were tingly and I had a sudden urge to throw up and I immediately went to the bathroom and barfed. I felt calm and better once I threw up but we started talking again and I was telling him how sometimes I don’t want be held and Idk why and sometimes I love you more than others and I think that’s normal to want to put up with someone and then not want to sometimes? And we kept talking and I threw up two more times then I finally felt content and he was really supportive and I was like crying and saying how handsome I still think he is and I was able to kiss him and feel good about it and it calmed me and then I kissed his arm and I said ily and then we went to bed. But immediately when I woke up I was starving but had no appetite and my heart started racing and that was the day we were going home and I couldn’t get near him or touch him or anything so he packed for me and sat distant from me in the car and my dad texted and asked if everything was ok and i told him what happened while I’m the car on text and he told me not to overthink things and that just made me feel so much better and idk why and I wanted to play games with my boyfriend and we did and then we held hands and when we stopped for lunch I could hold his hand and felt happy and lay my legs in his lap and also I could eat and felt content. Then a couple hours later I started getting the feeling again and it was when we were dropping my dads girlfriend off idk if it has any correlation all I wanted to was talk to my mom. So I had to drive my boyfriend home and I was able to laugh at rings he said and he could but his hand on my thigh with out me getting those bad feelings again and I started crying because I was happy I wasn’t getting those terrible feelings we kissed once said ily and laughed a couple more times and he went home. Right when I got home I cried and told my mom everything and I wasn’t like wonder if I don’t love him anymore blah blah and I’m just suppressing the feelings and they’re all coming up and I was freaking out again and she was like I don’t think that’s it and then he called me and we talked a little a laughed a good bit and he just wanted to make sure I was ok and got home safe. Fast forward to next day I was alone and was in my own head and my heart just was beating and it was a terrible feeling and I was hungry couldn’t eat then my mom came home and everything subsided and at night I was snapping him and everything was ok and now it’s today. Feelings have been a lot better only a little bit of my heart beating and I used to be scared if I saw him I’d get those terrible feelings and now I’m not worried about that anymore I’m worried that if I see him and kiss him or if he holds me i won’t feel anything at all like no feelings of comfort or love. And that worries me the most because I stg I love everything about this boy and I know I’m young and what not but I can’t imagine this summer with out him it was just be so dull I feel like but I’m just not sure if I still love him I love him but idk if I’m in love if that makes sense and I don’t think it’s the case I’m thinking maybe it could be my dad tying into it kissing in front of me with his new girl friend maybe I have absolutley no clue and I’m worried I’m so confused and I’ve been praying I just don’t know if it’s all because I don’t love him or if I do but I feel like if I didn’t i would know and it wouldn’t be this hard to think about breaking it off and so emotional but idk I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone could give any insight Or if I could give any peace at mind because they arent the only ones I’m sorry for the novel and hope it mad some sense but please help! 🙁

Alix