I’m here. I’m with you. Please listen to me.

My husband did the same thing to me. Over and over and over. We were already married when I found out. In fact, I was heavily pregnant with our first.

I am still with him to this day. Believe me when I say that was neither through choice, nor a good thing. He did it to me 3 more times (that I know of) during our marriage. I stayed because I had no choice. It’s very complicated, but I was in an international marriage, living in his country. If I left him, I could very realistically have lost my children. And I don’t just mean visitation rights – I could potentially have NEVER seen them again, as per the laws there at the time.

15 years on since that first time, we have a wonderful marriage now, and he is trying hard to be everything I ever dreamed of. But it’s too little too late for me, I have emotionally shut down for my own sanity. And it’s come at a huge cost. The stress and anxiety caused by a chronic lack of trust has left me with health issues and a permanent disability. PLEASE. DON’T make the mistakes I made. You WILL get over this person, and you WILL love again. You must and you will get through this. But get through it you must. I totally understand everything you are saying, because tonight I made the decision to let a man go that I have fallen in love with, because it is not right, no matter what my husband has done to me I can’t justify it. He is my best friend and I can’t imagine him not in my life either. I don’t know how to cross that bridge too. I just know that I must. So take my hand, and let’s take the first step onto the rickety wooden planks together. Because as fkn scary as this is, I hear from my best girl friend that life is wonderful on the other side, and I REALLY want to get there! Would be nice to have some company!