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Pearl

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • September 1, 2016 at 9:38 pm in reply to: Break up advice? #113980
    Pearl
    Participant

    Hello dearests,

    Feeling rather mellow today/ listening to Mazzy Star – Common Burn, if you’re interested in my melodic mellowness.

    It’s a hard decision to make. Life is hard. People are unreasonable.

    We are right now on our way for a road-trip before I leave – to the seaside. For the first time this summer. And I’m also constructing him a letter on how life is not just about love between two people. And lots more.~~

    Thank you for your support. Without you guys I’d still be guilting myself into only thinking about saving the relationship. Now I’m starting to realize again that I’m actually a separate human being with my own wants and needs. Hopefully I’ll be able to use my leaving to find myself once again, and we’ll see how it goes from there.

    Sending you lots of love.

    August 31, 2016 at 6:43 am in reply to: Break up advice? #113821
    Pearl
    Participant

    My dearests,

    thank you for your input. From the way you guys react, I see that I should make a case for the man that I’m with. There’s plenty to say, but here’s a little:

    – He’s two years older than me, with a crazy family history (a lot of abandonment, one of the parents ending up in a psychic institution, while he was still a teen, and left to take care of himself with a family debt. He is hence very insecure and, well, has other issues.
    But we all do. We all have issues. But behind those issues he is a very sweet man.

    – He’s the kind, that can actually stop a baby crying from just taking him into his hands.
    He’s loving, loyal and charming. Just not very fortunate.

    – Ever since he got into my life, I’ve never seen a ++ on our little ‘family budget’. I’m not the wisest when it comes to money,
    It’s really rather tiring. We’re at a point where my personal funds would be invested in our not-yet-profitable business, but that will be postponed if I leave.

    EVER since the talk about my leaving got real, he started taking me out more, god damn, he even cleaned the dishes and started talking about some future plans.
    as in:
    ~what would’ve happened, if I stayed~
    or:
    ~what’ll happen if I only leave for a month or two~

    No reasoning on the full period yet. I’m trying to avoid a conflict, and postponing THE TALK. Which might end in me packing my bags for good, if he continues to hold his grounds.

    WHYYY ARE PEOPLE SO UNREASONABLE !!!!

    August 30, 2016 at 7:08 am in reply to: Caught up in post break up mess, how do I find the healthy path? #113713
    Pearl
    Participant

    Wow, you’ve a lot going on!!

    I’ve one particular question: what do you do in the meantime, while all of this dating happens?

    See, I’m only asking, because 3 months time is not that much after a relationship of 6 years. Do you have a job? Your own place? A hobby that you absolutely love and can not live without? Close friends? If not, firstly get those things settled.

    You need time to heal. Being alone is not that bad. And since you’re obviously getting enough attention, why not keep some casual dates to keep you warm in the meantime, right?

    Wrong. You seem like the kind of person that develops feelings fast. Hence, even having a casual relationship with someone will eventually lead to expectations, feelings and possibly pain.

    My advice? Go on a journey. Not necessarily a spiritual one – just change your surroundings for a while. Listen to yourself. Learn to see men as not only possible lovers, but as human beings.

    Listen to what your heart has to say — there’s no rush in living your life.

    blessings ***

    August 30, 2016 at 12:20 am in reply to: Break up advice? #113704
    Pearl
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    you’re so spot on, I can’t believe it. Sometimes the situations feel so unique, but really they’re just patterns of usual behaviors…

    I’m afraid he’s going to get very upset – now every time we see friends, he’s using them to manipulate my choice.

    “6 months”,- they say with a very judgmental face,-“is a very long time”.

    Everyone sees hidden meanings.

    August 29, 2016 at 2:26 pm in reply to: Break up advice? #113659
    Pearl
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    You got my situation quite right.

    There’s something inside me saying I shouldn’t cut the program just because of a needy lover. However amazing he could be.

    August 29, 2016 at 11:29 am in reply to: Break up advice? #113627
    Pearl
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I’m confused. So apologize for the inconclusiveness.

    At this point, I want to tell him, that my future, since we’re not yet married, is my own decision.

    I want to leave for the whole program, 6 months, with a possibility to stay (I would come back for a month after half a year, and would be able to stay, or take him there with me after ~3 more months.)

    But he doesn’t want to go.

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