Hi anita.

Sorry for being so late today after saying I’d talk today. I had a rough day somewhat. I indulged my sexuality today, which I don’t do often, (also, sorry if it’s too much information, but it’s really a significant problem for me) and that often leaves me very anxious as it makes me feel unsafe, which tends to push me towards drinking. Anyways, the thing with raising money for surgery that I thought of today, is that the same amount of money it takes to remove loose skin could buy me land and a structure suitable, and legal, for inhabitance. I don’t know what to expect from crowdfunding, and it’s scary to consider because it unleashes my creative and ambitious side, the idea that I could not only remove loose skin, but obtain land and housing of my own where I could even work on becoming carbon negative and start a process of removing my life’s carbon footprint from the earth is something that excites me, but I believe could also set me up for disappointment. Being young in this day and age is very complicated with all the potential possibilities.

Through gratitude exercises, perspective taking, therapy lectures, open awareness meditation, and other things. Another thing is, I have Crohn’s disease, an inflammatory bowel disease that can (rarely) be fatal, and which is often very painful. Yet with lifestyle changes I have kept it mostly in remission for about 12 years. Honestly, just having eyes, ears, a tongue, nose, and body overall that actually works is something to be very grateful for. Also, my body actually isn’t as masculine as a lot of males of my height (5 foot 11 inches). My height, even though I’d rather be shorter, is indeed very convenient as I can reach things on tall shelves, I also think it makes people less likely to assault me physically. I’ve successfully lost 180 pounds in my life with diet and exercise alone, which is also something to be grateful for, and if I can do it once, I can do it again. Slowly but surely I can turn my attention towards those things about my body which are nice instead of focusing exclusively on those which aren’t, even if that doesn’t erase regrets.

Hi again. I believe the thread will be useful, however the specific resources I found seemed mostly aimed at trans men, which is not likely for me, but like I said, there seems to be plenty in the thread to go through. I’ll let you know more tomorrow as it’s about my bedtime (I go to bed early). Perhaps with gofund me I could also work on my bone structure (to the degree it gets done nowadays), The masculine edges of my facial bones can be modified in surgery, and my shoulders can be made 2 inches narrower altogether, though I believe that’s as far as hard tissue can go. I can also get hair removal (though that can be done permanently at home much more cheaply than it can be done professionally. Finally, I should start an antiandrogen, though taking only one of those has issues, as people with no dominant sex hormone develop osteoporosis.

Anyways, goodnight, I’ll be back tomorrow and thanks for the concern.