Hi guys, thanks for your responses.

I have been listing things like crazy this week. Things I like things I don’t like, subject sI would like to study regardless of where they could take me (if anywhere) as well as things I have learned from my past career choices and things I liked/didn’t like about my experiences. It comprised of about 4 sides of A4 in very broken English and very scribbled handwriting.

There are a lot of emotions flying around right now regarding past choices. I resent my situation right now but cannot regret chasing my previous dream. I feel very much like a failure but keep reminding myself that it was a choice to let it go and that due to my work experiences and work/life balance I had outgrown it a while back I just didn’t want to face it.

As for what I do right now I am at a loss still. I didn’t expect the lack of work to hit me so hard I am going mad with free time and its only been a week. I love video games but they are supposed to enhance life and make it better not BE your life. I need something to do but don’t want to rush things on a rebound. If this was my partner in my shoes I would say focus on work, its not great but see where it leads. The problem there is there IS no progression in my job so that goes out of the window, nor is there anything to be learned here as I am already overqualified for the role which is why it was I out of the 70+ applicants who got it. I could have done this job straight out of school at 16…

This is another of my great fears is that I get comfortable here and in 20 years they fire me for some reason and I am left with no skills and too old to do anything. This fear gets my heart racing and palms sweaty.

I don’t think I will be happy at my current work, I need to gain some new skills. I would love to get a job at a company I can focus on and work my way up but those jobs seem ridiculously few in number. Not to mention I am very poor with office politics and feel I wouldn’t merge well with large companies.
A part of me wants to just get away from offices all together and do something manual. The only other job I’ve always wanted was military but thats out of the questions now I am getting married so I was looking at police or fire service. Unfortunately both very hard to get into due to number of applicants and in this economy the police aren’t hiring and the fire service only recruit when a current fireman retires.

I am being melodramatic due to my mood but it feels very hopeless.

Do you think I am being silly worrying so much about the future? My fiancé thinks I am panicking myself too much but I just don’t know. I am debating whether I should go see a careers counsellor but as I do not have much money it feels like a waste of time. Especially since I don’t have a career to begin with.

Sorry for whinging, its very therapeutic.

Thanks for your time.

Ben

Hi guys, been struggling to get time to respond so I also should apologize for taking to long to comment.

Firstly I would like to say all your comments are valid. and they are all appreciated.

I should also give more info. I am not unemployed, I am currently working as an artworker at a well established NPO for medical science. The pay is ok for now but not enough to have a family on (which at 28 is what creeps into your mind) and there is no room for movement in the company as being from an art not science background this is the only role I am qualified for. The job is also damn boring, I basically redraw graphs and charts with a bit of typesetting. So right now I am OK just that this is the first time in my life where I do not have a goal or plan of action, I do not know what the next step is or any idea what it should be.

Blah I understand your point and I know too well the cycle of emotions you experience at times like this and when unemployed, I had 2 years of it when I graduated and it was the worst depression I have experienced. I could very easily keep working on portfolio in the background which is my natural reaction and until my machine died was my plan but when I actually sit down and look at pro’s and con’s of my current situation compared with the pro’s and con’s both of what happens if I DON’T get a job in industry again and what happens if I DO I have to question whether it is worth it. If I was single and able to relocate then that would sway me but as I am planted here now and reluctant to relocate my partner for this then it looks like a smart person would just refuse it.

I mean not only am I frustrated with how little progress I have made in spite of working so hard I know for a fact that the conditions in industry are rubbish and that even if I get the best job going I won’t be working on the kind of things I would like to so it would still feel like ‘work’ if you get me.

So really everything points to giving it up as a bad job except my inner voice which while understanding this still feels guilty like I am quitting or like I am weak. And I feel like family and friends will be disappointed in me or like I will look stupid for it. I don’t know whether this inner voice is my passion trying to get me to work through this wall or whether that voice is the stubborn part of me that refuses to quit in spite of evidence suggesting the prudent course is to walk away. And isn’t it best to walk away from something when it’s not enriching your life any?

Anita your entire point reminds me very much of a quote (I think its from a US president but im from UK so dont know much about it) but it went like ‘do what you can with what you got where you are’ which I like. I am open right now to trying new things but have never considered what else I could be capable of and do not have the money or time to invest in education nor really do I have a desire to work for years in the hopes of getting another job in another competitive field.

I would and have considered freelance but the field is so glutted with others that its damn hard to get a look in not to mention the amount freelancers from asia that work for much much less and are admittedly just as skilled (albeit with a language barrier).

The way I see it I am more or less ok where I am really, just not satisfied. My limitations are lack of time and lack of money, I need a job I have skills either related to what I now know or close to. I also really want something with a quicker turnaround time as spending 80+ hours on one project really isn’t working for me, especially part time.

It only occurred to me yesterday but I think I am going to try and set up as a part time freelance graphic designer/typesetter/3D artist. I have skills all over the place so I think if I can polish up my portfolio in other areas and maybe learn some new skills like web design e.t.c. I have no idea how this will work out but its a shot and it will allow me to maintain my current position.

Im an hour late for work now lol but glad I finally got to reply. (I work on flexi time btw so not ACTUALLY late FYI)